Running list of objectives for 2005

By this time in 2005, here's where I want to have done.

1. Pay off my credit card debt

1.1. Keep up with readings, do well teaching this history course(s).

1.2. Organize, prepare, and execute the beginnings of some sort of long term financial plan.

2. Travel for leisure, preferably outside of the continental U.S.

2.1. Vacation in South America or Asia (I’m thinking Japan).

2.2. Possibly plan and execute a coup de tat at one of my places of employment.

2.3. Visit friends in Salt Lake City, New York. Albequerque

3. surround myself with more black people that look less like wonderbread and more like multigrain.

4. Help my nephew come up with a plan for his life.

5. Write at least two papers .. working towards getting published again.

6. Maybe start spinning out again… possibly just a monthly residency or something. I already have the name for the party – “Curt’s Ephemeral House Party of Interplanetary Unity, Peace, Harmony, & Love”

7. Pay off that debt.

8. Have a better idea of where I'm going to live for the next 2-5 years.

9. Have a better idea of how I'm going to live for the next 2-5 years.

10. Have researched in depth at least 1 more language I haven't already tackled, to the point where I'm familiar with it both in and out, structure and environment…. And increase my Spanish speaking skills (looks like I’ll have to hang out with more Puerto Rican chicks…. damn….)

11. Have a better system of not procrastinating so I'm more disciplined and have more control over my productivity and ultimately my ability to accomplish good work and goals.

12. To keep in mind always my priorities, and to make sure that the choices I'm making line up with them, even if it makes me uncomfortable in the short term.

holiday vacation wrap up..

Aaahhh, the end of the year… time for reflection, overeating, and slacking off at work…

First of all, my Christmas was pretty good after I finally made it home. Since I’m starting the new j.o.B. I wasn’t sure how much time I would have off or how liberal the leave policy would be so I had to wait until the last minute to buy my plane ticket… At this point, there were no direct tickets available, so I was stuck with a three leg trip into Springfield from Baltimore… Baltimore – Pittsburgh – Chicago – Springfield….. My flights from Baltimore and Pittsburgh were so delayed by the time I got into Chicago around midnight, I had of course missed my connection…

To top it all off, my bag never showed up so I spent the night in Chicago with the same things I had on…. Luckily, I’ve got hoes in Chicago, so it actually was a blessing. The first two flights were sold out, so I didn’t get out of Chicago until around 11 the next day.

Going home at the age of 30 doesn’t allow you the opportunity to just show up and sit on your ass. No matter how hard you try, you end up working and dealing with all of your parents idiosyncrasies that you have some how inherited… although you deny it completely.

For example, on Christmas day I thought I’d go back out to the airport to see if my bag ever showed up (it didn’t), but my dad directed me to get a newspaper on the way back… but he also directed me to the exact gas station he wanted me to buy the newspaper?? As if this gas station gets an extra article or two in THEIR newspapers…

Then there are the bad gifts. I see my parents a few times a year, the rest of my family even less than that. For all they know, I still wear Cross Colours and Z. Cavaricci (don’t front, those tapered MC Hammer jeans w/ 9000 belt buckles were the shit back in the day and you know it!). I told my mother all I really needed was socks and underwear. I didn’t want her to try to buy my clothes or anything so I thought I would be safe.

My mother can’t pick out underwear. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I didn’t think she would mess this one up. 3 of the cotton pairs were cool. But then she also got my 3 pairs of silk boxers. …. That’s right, silk boxers…. I haven’t worn silk boxers since…. High school maybe?? They just allow too much movement, not to mention, the only place you would expect to see them is in the love scene of a 70’s blacksploitation movie. BUT, to make it even worse, one of them had a camouflage print…….. and last but not least, the other pair were royal blue and had a red and yellow superman S on the leg….

Mom…. Where in the hell am I going to wear these??? I don’t know if this is my mother’s way to latch on to some sort of childhood idea of buying me underoos… if she thought she was being funny… or if she genuinely thought I might like them…

My mother also purchased me a laser leveler thingy for hanging pictures. It came in this big ole case and shit. I hang pictures maybe once every 2 years or so?? Did she REALLY think that if I had to hang a picture I would pull out my laser lever and shine some red line all around the room before I start banging holes in the wall? I just don’t get it.

But as crazy as my dad can be, I can always count on him to come through with the best gift. This year, he paid my car insurance…… Big ups to pops on the Christmas gift.

Oh, I found my bag on my way back home. Since I had a layover, I decided to go check on it and in the sea of bags laying out with the other hundreds of bags, there it was… who knows when I would’ve received it if I hadn’t gone and checked for it.

~C

CD of the moment: After Dark NYC – mixed by Jon Cutler & Osunlade

Coolness is being ruined by the machine

So I went to mail a few ‘holiday’ cards today.

First of all, why can’t I say Christmas cards anymore? All this politically correct shit has got to stop… anyway, me being the forward thinking, always have to have the cool shit kinda guy that I am, I find these cool little square Christmas cards that are about 4” X 4”. I also had a few that were regular grocery store sized cards.

As I go to buy stamps for my various sized cards, the post office woman informs me that my cool little 4x4 cards will require an additional 12 cents, thus costing 49 cents instead of the standard 37 cents. I couldn’t believe it! I said, these are half the size and half the weight of these other cards so how can it cost me 12 cents MORE???

She says, “those won’t go through the machine, so they’ll have to be stamped by hand. Therefore, they cost more to send.”

This really pissed me off for so many reasons. As more and more people discover that if you decide to deviate from the ‘norm’ than you shall be punished financially is a terrible, terrible way to have anything in this world operate. It speaks to the warnings in ‘1984’ of the machine age and the monotony that would proliferate society ending in people not even having names, only numbers… no personalities at all, at the very extreme in, not even a persons gender would matter.

On an unrelated note, did you know another new Tupac album came out today??? Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. Once he becomes completely irrelevant, THAT is when he will return from the ‘dead’.

Something as small as trying to send an innovative shaped card is a big deal. People are very used to receiving the ‘normal shaped’ cards on any number of Hallmark’s numerous created holidays. However, the odd shaped card, with a personal note inside means so much more for so many reasons today, especially because people know that you took the effort to find this particular shape and write something inside…

But that’s not all. NOW, since I have to add an additional 12 cents to each card, that means that I have to add an additional stamp on the front of a card that has no room for an additional stamp. And to make things even worse, there is no 12 cent stamp, so she had me purchase a 10 cent stamp and a 2 cent stamp in addition to the 37 cent stamp that would go on each card!!! I’m looking at her as she’s doing this and I’m looking at my little 4 x 4 cards thinking…. “don’t you see there isn’t room for all these stamps on the front of this card woman??!!!”

I’m looking at her thinking to myself, are you serious??? So now, my whole idea of having these cool little cards with a single cool stamp in the corner is ruined by this haberdash of stamp styles and colors and sizes that clearly don’t look like they belong, clearly are way too many stamps to have on the front of this card, and clearly make me look like a damn idiot for trying to cram 3 stamps onto the front of this tiny ass envelope!!!

Would it be so naïve to think that people that will receive this card from me will have the foresight to look at this, see half of my return address covered in stamps and think to themselves, “Hmm, Curtis clearly did not intend on having to place 3 odd shaped stamps on the front of this envelope when he decided to buy these” OR will they think (most likely) “Why in the fuck does Curtis have so many damn stamps on the front of this tiny ass envelope???!!!”

It’s not my fault man…. It’s not my fault.

~C

CD of the moment: Plant Life - "Return of Jack Splash"

Questions and Answers from that e-mail forward you all get twice a month

1. What is your full name? Curtis Cleetis Clarence Jenkins Clay III

2. What color pants are you wearing now? I'm wearing hot pants... gotta getin the water..

3. What are you listening to right now? Rainer Truby Trio
live from the BetaLounge.com archives

4. What was the last thing you ate? pussy... I'm always eating pussy.. or if I'm not, I'm thinking about eating it... I dream about eating pussy, sometimes I can see a phat booty and just taste what I think the pussy might taste like.. it's a gift..

5. If you were a crayon what color would you be? If I were a crayon, I'd be pissed off. Living a life being fondled by snotty nosed 4-6 year old kids, and 8-10 year old black kids who got held back because they couldn't color in the damn lines... fuck that..

6. How is the weather right now? surprisingly cold out here in DC.. I hate all this, "oh you're from Chicago, you're not wearing shorts?" man, cold is cold.. I don't give a damn where you're at.

7. Last person you talked to on the phone: no one you know so don't worry about it

8. The first thing you notice about a guy/girl? I'm an ankle guy. I love me some sexy ankle loving. That is that next level ish... I know most people aren't ready... the ankles is where it's at.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Absolutely. Anyone who can appreciate Kobe Beef, House Music, and a good cigar is a-okay in my book.

10. Are you happy today? I'm always happy. Even when I act upset, half ofthe time it is just an act to get what I want... attention or to be left the fuck alone, but I'm generally a happy guy as long as I have good music, good food and sleep.

11. What is your favorite drink? This is a trick question. Just because something is your favorite drink doesn't mean that you drink it all thetime. The key is to understand HOW you define favorite. For example, there was a bottled drink in Jamaica I drank non-stop that is a mix of beer and Kola Champagne (sort of a bubble-gum soda). That shit is loverly, probably my favorite drink, but I haven't had it in like 10 years, but I can still taste it if I try hard enough.

13. Favorite Sports: College Basketball is where it's at. But I'd like to say Jai-Alai just to fuck with niggas to add to that "damn he's so cultural" tag people use when they don't know what in the fuck you're talking about.

14. Hair color: I'd love to see blonde pubes. Even when I dated a blond, the pubes weren't blonde... I don't get it... oh, did this mean my haircolor? yeah, um... black.

15. Eye color: Hazel.. y'all know I got dem dere pretty eyes..

16. Do you wear contacts? No, although a woman made me bang the back of my head 10 times because she was convinced contacts would pop out of my eyes.

17. Siblings: Siblings will fuck your life up. See previous chronicles for proof. The thing is that you can't do anything about them. Getting mad don't do you shit. Telling them what you think don't do shit, so you end up just not giving a fuck and letting them do whatever the hell they want to do because you realize after a period of time that there is no other alternative.

18. Favorite month: Who has time to hate on the other 11 months? I love all the months... now give me gifts.

19. Favorite food: I love seafood... all kinds, even Red Lobster

20. Last movie you watched: Underworld, which although good, wasn't as good as the person who made me watch it claimed it was going to be. You would've thought I'd be jumping up and down screaming "Hercules! Hercules!" but it didn't quite go down like that. It was tight though.

21. Favorite day(s) of the year: payday

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out: I used to have game, but not anymore. I'm convinced the ex put some mumbo jumbo voo doo on me or something because I just don't have it anymore. I was out the other night talking to these two girls, everything is going well and then at the first pause in the conversation I was like, "okay, I'll see you two later!"......... I walked away like, "wtf was that Curtis??" but I got ass, so it's not a problem.

23. Summer or Winter: I prefer the 4-5 month period that occurs between thecurrent 1 month summers and winters.

24. Hugs or Kisses: hugs.... cuz you know Imma grab that booty!

25. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup

26. Do you want your friends to write back: not really... I can't even believe I did this shit.

27. Who is most likely to respond: My cousin who has probably already forwarded this to me twice already but I no longer look at her e-mails because they're all say the same thing. "God is great, be thankful you have all your arms unlike this poor kid in zimbabwe with an alcoholic mother. nowforward this to 10 people OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!! GONNA DIE I SAY!!!!"

28. Who is least likely to respond: If you don't YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!! GONNADIE!!!! If you don't forward to 314 people within the next 15 minutes YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!! GONNA DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!!

29. What's under your bed? since I'm in transition right now and am sleeping on an air mattress, I have carpet under my plastic bed right now, under that is probaby a 1/2" layer of carpet padding and under that is probably a 3/4" layer of plywood

30. Favorite Board Game: I hate board games, I hate that I like playing board games too. It makes me feel so... so...honey-find-something-to-keep-the-guests-and-their-kids-happy-ish

31. What did you do last night? it would be impossible to sum this up into a quick witty response because I did so much that could easily go unnoticed throughout the course of the night. for example, I was looking at the moon and I was trying to figure out where the sun was in relationship to the earth and it really troubled me... so I just kept smoking cigarettes, sitting outside until I could figure it out.... stupid shit... that's the kind of shit you do when you're high, and I don't even smoke like that..

32. Favorite Smells: Hyacinth

33. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? why the hell would I want to? Who knows where in the hell my nose has been.

34. What inspires you? innovative music, great buildings, great bodies, great head, you know, stuff like that.

35. Favorite flower: Flowers huh? Orchids are pretty much the shit, but stargazer lillies would have to be a close second... the hoes love the stargazers.

36. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?"Whew! My breath is kicking!"

Students trying to get over

As I've been taking it all in, preparing for next semester, I'm starting to notice a trend. Its not like I didn't already know this, but being on the other side makes you look at things a little differently. Students will try to get over on you if you let them.

I'm not doing any more lectures the rest of the semester, so I've just been watching. Since it is my first semester teaching, I've only had to lecture every 2-3 weeks and I watch and take notes the rest of the time. So since I was watching this time, I had the opportunity to notice that the class started with about 20-22 people and by the end of class there were only 9 left.

I understand it is almost thanksgiving break and people are ready to go home. But that shit is just disrespectful. And the students think they're slick!! They ask a question as if to show their paying attention and listening, then they leave. Well, the professor saw what happened and in the last 15 minutes of class asked everyone to go down to the library with him.

He walked through the shelves grabbing books and give all those who were left a book to read and review over the break. Those not in attendance would get a zero on the assignment. If I were a student, I'd be pissed. But now that I'm on the other side, I can't wait to do this. As a matter of fact, I'm already scheming on how I can do this all of the time!

I see people sign the attendance sheet and leave. So I'm just going to take attendence twice on some days. Once at the beginning and once at the end. Or maybe I'll give a quiz at the beginning of class for those who like to stroll in 20 minutes late. And on other days, I'll give a quiz at the end of class for those who like to leave early. I'm even going to give a quiz at the end of class on things I just finished talking about for those who like to sleep during class.

I thought about trying to be the 'cool' professor, but fu*k that. I'd rather be hated and ensure that the people who left my class learned something. This culture of getting over and not having to work hard has got to stop. It won't work in real life, so they might as well get used to it now. (I sound like my father..... scary....)

~C

CD of the moment: Sade - "Promise"

getting an apartment

I hate apartment hunting..

I hate it so much, it makes me want to buy a house / condo just to eliminate the hassle of having to do it every 8-12 months.

They ask you for everything... especially shit you don't have or remember. For example, I had to provide a 2 year rental history complete with addresses, contact numbers, building owners, etc... First of all, all my shit is in storage, so I ain't got not nan bit of that type of info.

Besides, I always end up having to have my lawyer threaten my former landlords to give me my security deposit back within 60 days. So I'm sure they're all bitter. Then, this hoe asked me for cancelled rent checks for the last 4 months... Cancelled rent checks??? Are you serious??? I haven't seen a cancelled check since I was 16???? I just hope my indignation to her obnoxious requests don't hamper my chances to get the place.

I almost asked her if she wanted a blood sample, but I felt that might be pushing her buttons a little too hard. The cost of living out here has gotten way out of control in the last 4 years. I can't even believe it! A couple years ago, I thought a friend of mine was crazy for taking a studio for $1,000 / month. Now that I'm here, I understand that is what the market can demand people pay. So it looks like I'll be back out on Maryland rather than being in DC. I'm cool with it though. I actually am hoping to have some quiet time as part of readjusting to being out here and living away from the action will help keep me out of trouble.

I have too many things on my plate to try to entertain the thought of being all out and about in the party scene right now... the teaching, the new job, trying to finish off my last few exams, etc.. is enough to keep my butt at home for a few months. The farther away I am from the city the better at this point. I know, I can't believe I'm saying this stuff either?? All my friends think something is wrong with me and don't understand how I'm not out all the time getting my kick it on like I used to. I'm just really trying to be about taking care of business and taking care of me I suppose....

also, I'm kinda tired of dealing with people.... I have my friends. Some I talk to more than others, but they all mean something to me. I guess I don't feel like I need any 'new' friends, or really want any for that matter. I have enough people in my life to care about and care about me so if anything, I'd be more interested in eliminating people... But when I finally do start the architecture firm one day, all of you will have finally made it and will be able to afford me! :) So I'm not getting rid of too many people these days....

(how did I get here?)

So hopefully, I'll get this apartment, because I'm supposed to give up this room December 1, and I don't want to have to sleep on the couch dammit.

~C

deleted..

..some things are better left unsaid..

Where has Curtis been?

I had a feeling the election would go the other way. I really did. Even when I posted my Kerry prediction, it was an act of faith rather than what my gut was telling me.... so in anticipation of this event and since I had some time off before I started my new job, I booked a flight to Europe.

So he won on Tuesday, I was on the plane on Thursday, just to get away... it was very depressing. I mean, I was much more depressed than I thought I would be about Bush winning. It really took it's toll on me. I suspected it might, but not the way it did. So after finding out Wednesday morning that he won, I was on the plane not more than 24 hours later. I just got back last night and start work at my new job tomorrow.

I had an amazing time and it was good to take my mind off of the whole Bush win. I was able to do research for my class, and get some well needed rest and relaxation.

I'll write a full report later, but basically here is the scoop:

Flew into Zurich and spent the day with my main man Johann.
overnight train to Vienna
Spent all day and night in Vienna
woke up early to catch a train to Salzburg
spent about 3-4 hours in Salzburg, then rode up to Munich
Stayed with my good friend Karin and her new husband, drank a lot of good beer before a good nights rest
woke up late, spent all day in Munich, then went back to the house for sleep.
an exhausting journey of train, bus, train, train, bus to Vals
spent two days in heaven at the Vals Therme (www.therme-vals.ch)
from Vals to Luzerne
woke up early and took the train to Lugano
spent the day in Lugano, then back up to Zurich to sleep before flying out in the AM

from the hotel in Zurich to my current home in Hyattsville took an exhausting 18 hours.

I slept like a baby last night...

I'll try to write more about the trip later...

~C

CD of the moment - George Duke - "greatest hits" (this CD is worth it for the first track alone! 'dukie stick')

Where's the Vote or Die song??

I'm really disappointed that Puffy hasn't made a Vote or Die song...

I would've expected nothing less than for Puffy to turn his organization into another self-promotion scheme.. oh wait, it is... but where is the song??

I think that is the only way you can get the kids to vote, approach them on their level... through the hip-hop dominated, thugs, guns, and female exploitation that exists on hip-hop radio and videos.

damn, I'm getting old. I used to love all the ass and titties in hip-hop, now looking at it now, it's just degrading to women, and it's a shame to see so many young females (and males) embrace it.

My Tuesday predictions??

Kerry in a landslide... because I have faith, but Bush and his boys will fight it so we won't know on Tuesday night.

go Obama!

~C

CD of the moment: Guns & Roses - "Greatest Hits"

I think it's all crap...

I gotta admit, I think it's all crap.

so, Osama conveniently shows up 4 days before the election?

wtf is that all about??

I swear, someone thinks the American public are idiots... oops... maybe they are..

This is almost as bad as that one about 19 guys from caves pulling off the worst terrorist attack on US soil...

I voted already, but I'm so cynical right now about the whole process that I'm not sure it even matters... we'll see what happens on Tuesday..

~C

CD of the moment: Heavy D & the Boyz - "Blue Funk"

living in Baltimore...

For the record, I think Baltimore gets a bad rap. I have friends that absolutely refuse to even visit Baltimore, but it's not all that bad. Besides the following drama wouldn't unfold in just any city...

So I'm up late working on the Renaissance architecture lecture when all of a sudden I hear the sound of a car crash, but it was much much louder, then I hear broken glass, then it just continues and gets louder and louder and louder until I hear a final smash which was so loud I really thought it was inside of the house.

I wait for all of the noise to stop, then I look outside the window and much to my disbelief, there is an 18 wheeler located where there used to be a 100 year old brick wall with this intricate iron work. In front of the truck is a mini van that was crumpled up like a piece of paper.

So I get my shoes on, grab a coat and run outside to a smoking truck and I'm trying to determine if there is anyone in the van. Luckily no one was inside. After going outside in the street I realized that I had heard this truck clip a Blazer, smash into this mini van and dragged it for about 60 feet before it went through the brick wall and ended up in the front yard.

The people who lived in the house were out on the town so they came home, walked through the front door and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Okay, I know I'm drunk... but is that an 18 wheeler in my front yard?"

Anyway, living in Baltimore made it interesting because the crackhead just show up on the scene and start antagonizing the drunk driver who is already going to jail and start getting in his face saying, "Why'd you do that man?" or "What were you thinking?" or my favorite was the one who tried to get all mad. He says, "You could've killed somebody!! Don't you have any concern for anyone else's life?? That could've been my sister in that van!!" ... c'mon dude, as if being all cracked out gives you a right to point out someone else's faults.

only in Baltimore...

~C

CD of the moment: Fertile Ground - "Black Is"

undecided?

How in the hell can you be undecided between these two??

I mean, if you were hungry and had to choose between a salad with fat free dressing or a steak dinner with baked potato smothered in butter, you would clearly be leaning in one direction...

I'm sure the candidates have a lot more in common then they would lead you to believe, but I look at it like this. If you as a person have certain values that are important to you or you feel are important for the world, then you should have a pretty good idea of where each of these candidates stand on your issues by now.

I can't understand how there can be this big jump in the polls for Kerry after the debates... If you don't know what Bush is about by now, then what have you been doing for the last four years???

Maybe this all says a lot about the complacent nature of our society. Most people would stick with what they have no matter how miserable or damning the situation rather than try to do something about it. You see this in people with the jobs they have, the relationships they are in, and so many people are reluctant to take risks in fear of failure. I suppose if everyone was proactive about the things in their lives that bother them, we would have a lot of mad employers, botched relationships, and no new entrepreneurs (sp?). So much of this world is based on control and if you empower people to stand up for what they believe, then that causes problems on the macro scale.

I can see how it's much better to allow people to be mad, let people protest, etc... because then they go home and are still mad, but nothing changes... I don't know where i'm going with this....

Where in the hell are Dean, Sharpton and the gang these days??? I at least expected Kucinich to still be out campaigning at this point.

I was trying to make a point..... oh yeah... how can all of these polls jump from day to day?? Are people that influenced by MSNBC and fox news??? If so, these people shouldn't be voting anyway. Have a damn backbone, do a little research on your own and form an opinion based on the issues dammit!! How could you still not know who you want to vote for at this point??

I have a lot on my mind concerning this shit.... First of all, all of this 'swing state' crap just goes to show you how wack the electoral college is.... that's some bullshit and you KNOW it is directly related to where all the people of the darker persuasion are... Did you know that California, New York and one other state... I forget control like 40% of the electoral college votes and the candidates aren't campaigning there at all... So you mean to tell me that the presidency is dependent upon people in the cornfields of Iowa, the mountains of Colorado / Pennsylvania, and the desert of Arizona are going to choose who are president is???

They don't even HAVE Arabs in those states!! So trying to make a case that our standing in the world is destroyed to these people is kinda pointless no???? Sure I'm generalizing, but so what, you get my point.

Then there is this whole thought I have about 'sticking with the status quo'... Our society generally speaking (again) is complacent. We stay in shitty relationships, shitty jobs, etc... and do nothing to get out of them. So maybe, if you think that most people want to elect a leader that is 'like them' there are a lot of people in this country that would rather stay with what we have rather than try something new. There a many people who are hard-headed and the idea that this president is sticking to 'his guns' rather than change the course no matter how wrong he is, is admirable to some people because he is 'like them'... hard headed and determined to prove that they are right no matter how wrong they are... So you can start to see why and how this president could be re-elected.

The masses are idiots. We already know this... just look at how popular Britney and Lil John are....

~C

CD of the moment: Jody Watley - "Midnight Lounge"

Africans save the day

So I'm all excited about going to this interview last week. Earlier in the day i was feeling good and decided to have a meal for lunch that I hadn't had since my return to DC, so I go down to my local Jamaican spot for lunch and order up some Jerk Chicken. They just don't make it in the midwest like they do on the East Coast. It was delicious.

Now at 3:30 about 6 blocks from the office I was going to, it hit me.... with nothing but a salad for dinner the night before and an apple for breakfast, my stomach couldn't take it. As I was getting closer and closer I figured I'd release a little bit on the way so that by the time I got to the interview I would be in good shape.

Even outside, the stench was so bad, that I knew if I was to let one of these out in the interview I surely wouldn't get the job. I contemplated rescheduling the interview, but knew that wouldn't be a good idea. After popping in several busy lunchtime establishments, I just couldn't find a good place to let it all out. I knew I was in trouble and didn't know what to do.

Earlier in the day, these obnoxious Africans were in front of me in the line at the Jamaican spot and I was cussing them out in my head. "fucking cocky ass Africans in their wack ass suits thinking their the shit... pissing me off, move the fuck out of the line..." Then, it all comes full circle.

I enter the office building and approach the female security guard at the front desk, an African, and calmly ask, "By any chance would you happen to have a bathroom on this floor....... please......." she must have seen it in my eye, I was serious and needed a bathroom right away.

So she leaves her post and escorts me through some back hallway, past the mailroom to the most private restroom in DC. One toilet and a sink, and uses a key to get in. It was like heaven.

I blew it up. I mean, I BLEW IT UP!!!

After dropping 5 pounds and freshening up, I go upstairs and had what I think was my best interview thus far.

~C

CD of the moment: Thievery Corporation - "Out of Babylon"

fall / winter dating strategies

As the cold months approach is definitely important for you to replinish the

roster as you head into the cold months.  You have to break out some of

those secret recruiting tactics to make sure you have a team that will take

you through until next summer.



The first thing you have to do is play the numbers and learn from the

mistakes of others.  For example, take this past interation of the US

Olympic basketball team.  What we should all learn from this is that you

will go nowhere with a team full of wannabe superstars.  Role players are

essential to the success of the team.



Pick a region of operation.  If you don't go to the club, no worries.  You

can do just as much macking in the bookstore/library/bus/on the street as

you can in a club, it might be a little more difficult without the

assistance of liquor, but you can still get the job done and come up on AT

LEAST three fresh recruits.  But pick a place, become familiar with it, know

the staff so you can comfortably work without distractions.



Next, at this point you have to remember that the rule is quantity first,

quality second. Basically, you want to get as many macks in as possible

while you still can and sort the shit from the shinola later on. If you

waste your time tryna talk to 8's and up, you're gonna miss out on some 7's

that can run just as good through the cold months.



Prioritise your position players.  If you've had a good one or two from the

summer, keep them around and build your team around them, the rest of your

summer squad can get waivers or bumped up to front office positions.  Or you

could send them overseas to play somewhere in the minor leagues, but you

want to keep them working hard and under the assumption that they can get

called up at any time.  Don't drop your whole squad at one time on some

Denver Nuggets circa 1999 shit, you'll wind up a big loser.  If October

comes and you still don't have two, time to lower your standards.



MOST IMPORTANTLY, let all members of the roster know that the team comes

first.  Lying breeds drama, so it is essential that everyone is on board

with the mission statement. If there is one who is not down for the

concept,you have to let her go. You may even suggest she go if you sense her

hedging on the team concept. This will also help you keep a clean

conscience.



Next, you have to be somewhat discerning in your selections so that if any

two women should meet they are mature enough to handle the situation with

some decorum if not grace.  One way to ensure this is to make sure all are

of the same quality so one member of the squad doesn't get picked on by the

others. If you trash one the others are trash by association so make sure

they are all worthy of your respect (doesn't mean equal time, though).



Possibly you could pull off the sympathy thing for the one that gets picked

on by the others, but this takes advanced skills and shouldn't be tried if

you don't have the ability to keep her from becoming 'the needy one'.  This

is a maneuver that should only be attempted if you have tried, failed and

learned from this mistake in the past.  Otherwise, it is just not worth the

risk.



Lastly, it is too damn early in the Christmas season to narrow the roster

down quickly.  That task should not even be contemplated until january 2. 

Or you run the risk of ending up at some weird family's house being

introduced as the "B" word.



~C



CD of the moment: Marvin Gaye - "Here My Dear"

80's crate dig

Every once in a while, some amazing shit happens to me.



One of the guys in the house, Mrs. Jeff, bought a house and is moving.

In the midst of his purge, he mentions he has all these records and he

doesn't know what to do with them.  I suggest that I'll go through them

and see if I can take a few off of his hands.



If you knew Mrs. Jeff, you wouldn't think that his musical tastes would

extend much further beyond Madonna, cheesy dance music, and corny cross

dressing bands from the 80's.  So I didn't have much hope, but figured

taking a look wouldn't hurt.



The following day he comes up to me and says, "You know what, you can

just have them.  I don't want to carry them to the new place.  I'd just

appreciate it if you could make me a few CD's of the good songs whenever

you get a chance."  Still reluctant to take on 5 crates of records that

I'm  expecting to be bullshit, I say "sure, why not."



I start to go through these records and not only are all of the records

in near mint - mint condition, but they are all from the 80's and most

are damn near impossible to find!  I couldn't believe it!!  The lesson

here is never to judge a book by her cover.



~C





Here is the best of the best:





12" - Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls

12" - Whitney Houston - So Emotional

12" - Tina Turner - typical male

12" - The Jets - Crush on you

12" - Raze - Break for love

12" - Jocelyn Brown - Ego maniac

12" - Starpoint - Object of My desire

12" - Gwen Guthrie - Aint nothin going on but the rent

12" - Nu Shooz - I can't wait

12" - Falco - Rock me amadeus

12" - Vanity - Under the Influence

12" - L.L. Cool J. - Rock the Bells!

12" - Al B. Sure - Nite and Day

12" - Vanessa Williams - The Right Stuff

12" - The system - Don't disturb this groove

12" - Lisa Lisa - Head to toe

12" - Morris Day - Oak Tree

12" - We Are the World

12" - New Edition - If it isn't love

12" - Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian

12" - Simply Red - if you don't know me by now

12" - Alexander O'neal ft Cherelle - Never knew love like this

12" - Jody Watley - Looking for a new love

12" - Whitney Houston - I wanna dance w/ somebody

12" - Michael jackson - The Way you make me feel

12" - Bananarama - Venus

12" - Power Station - Some Like it hot

12" - janet jackson – nasty

LP - Midnight Star - No Parking on the dance floor

LP - Midnight Star - Planetary Invasion

LP - Midnight Star - Headlines

LP - Flashdance original motion picture sountrack

LP - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam - Spanish Fly

LP - Lisa Lisa & Full force (w/ I wonder if i take you home)

LP - Culture club - colour by numbers

LP - Footloose original sountrack

LP - Beverly Hills Cop original sountrack

LP - Bright lights big city sountrack (w/ Prince - good love)

LP - Prince - Purple Rain

12" - Mtume - Juicy Fruit

LP - Whodini - Escape

LP - New Edition - Heartbreak

12" - David Bowie - Let's Dance

LP - Shalamar - The Look

LP - Klymaxx - Meeting in the Ladies Room

LP - Cyndi Lauper - She's so unusual

LP - Prince - Sign 'o' the times

LP - the clash - combat rock

LP - Levert - The Big Throwdown

LP - Keith Sweat - make it last forever

LP - Tina Turner - Private Dancer

LP - John Cougar mellencamp - Uh-Huh

LP - Def Leppard - Pyromania

LP - A-ha - Hunting High & Low

LP - Kashif - Love Changes

12" - Janet Jackson - Control

12" - Terence Trent D'Arby - Wishing Well

12" - Pebbles - Girlfriend

12" - Janet Jackson - What Have you done for me lately

12" - Gregory Aboot - Shake you down

12" - Neneh Cherry - Buffalo Stance

12" - Patti Austin - The heat of heat

12" - Information Society - What's On your mind

12" - The Cover Girls - Because of You

12" - L'Trimm - Grab it

12" - L.L. Cool J - Going back to Cali

12" - Herb Alpert - Diamonds

12" - Cherrele w/ alexander o'neal - saturday love

12" - J.J. Fad - Supersonic (ORIGINAL!)

12" - Erasure - Victim of Love

12" - INXS - What you need

12" - Duran Duran - Notorious

12" - Miami Sound Machine - Congo

12" - Tears for fears - Shout

12" - Jody Watley - Don't you want me

12" - Keith Sweat - I want her

12" - Chaka Kahn - I feel for you

12" - Sheila E - Koo Koo

12" - Salt N pepa - Tramp

12" - T'Pau - Heart & soul

12" - Pajama Party - Yo No Se

LP - Human League - Fascination

LP - Spandau Ballet - Singles Collection

LP - Michael Jackson - Bad

LP - Culture Club - The first four years

LP - Angela Bofill - Teaser

LP - Freddie Jackson - Just like the first time

LP - Sade - Promise

LP - Club Nuveau - Life, Love & Pain

LP - Shannon - Do you wanna get away

12" - Shannon - Let the music play

LP - Michael Jackson - Thriller

LP - Wham!UK - Fantastic

LP - Wham! - Music from the edge of heaven

LP - Wham! - Make it big

LP - Cheryl Lynn - Preppie

12" - Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams

LP - 10,000 Maniacs - In My tribe

LP - Eurythmics - Touch

the thong dilemma

"YOU BETTA DON'T!!"



... the closing line of that new McDonalds commercial 'isn't not'

funny........  they really need to take that shit off the air.



So still waiting on my precious HBCU to get their shit together... so

now

that I'm taking on this new Professor Curtis persona I think I'll need

to start talking about more important things in the chronicles.. you

know, if I'm going to be an intellectual, a leader to the youth of the

future, I must lead by example and pass on the knowledge that I have

gained from my life experiences.  As a professor, I should be able to

see the world with different eyes and locate those things that need

to be pointed out to the young people of today.



For my first topic of intellectual wizardry, I'd like to speak to all

of the young ladies.  I've seen them all around campus, compared them

with women downtown, professional women who take the train to and from

work and there is a very serious issue that needs to be addressed and

that is:



the art of concealing panty lines.



As a man, I'm looking at your ass.  I don't care what you look like,

how you walk, or what you have on.  I'm going to look at your ass.

If you're fine, then a sexy ass is just icing on the cake.  If you're

not, then I'm at least hoping that your ass is your redeeming quality...

either way, I'm going to check it out.



Panty lines tell a lot about a woman, but I just want to clear up a big

misconception.  Just because you wear a thong with your ann-taylor-esque

pants, don't mean I can't see the thong!! It just means that now I know

you wear sexy underwear!  It used to be that you could tell the freaks

by whether or not a woman wore a thong.  Now, everyone wears thongs so

it's  just not a given once you see the thong.  Pretty much by this age,

we understand that everyone does everything (or at least can be talked

into doing anything) so as we grow older we no longer use the thong as a

judgement of character.



Anyway, I can see the dilemma, because armed with this bit of

information,  what do you do?  If you wear big underwear, than we think

you're a prude.  But this is more than likely the best thing to portray

to others anyway!  Think about it.  As a woman, this world consistently

objectifies and makes women buy into this idea of being sexy and it's all

so we can look at your ass all day.  We're not going to comment or make

moves on you, but in the back of our minds, we know "she wears thongs

everyday."  So when we work with you or talk to you, it just peaks our

interest a little bit more.  But my theory is that if women wore big

underwear all the time, it would say, "I'm about business.  I have no

time to be sexy."  .... and this is a whole other level of sexiness!!!

The 'hard-to-get' role is always much more sexy than the woman who wears

her sexiness on her sleeve (or her ass in this matter).



So the solution?



No underwear at all.



We don't understand it when we look at your ass.  We're now conditioned

to look for the thong.  We expect you to be on the typical 'sexy ass'

vibe.  Before men understood thongs, we did seem to think that a thong

was a way to avoid pantylines.  But not anymore.  Now you just have thong

lines, which isn't any better.  So wearing no underwear gives us the

impression that A. you are a genius and have solved the panty line problem.

or B. you don't have any underwear on.



More often than not, we don't assume B.  We're not conditioned too.  So

we think you've solved the problem.  We know the little tricks with white

pants and how you wear flesh colored underwear to hide the thong, but if

the pants are tight enough (and why wouldn't they be?) we'll still see the

outline of the underwear.  Some of these young girls aren't even ready to

have this conversation and that's okay.  but when they get there, let them

know, no underwear is the answer.  I mean seriously, what is a thong really

doing anyway?  These little pieces of fabric are getting so small I could

almost floss with them.



I don't have the solution to how you keep cooch juice off of your pants

though when you wear no underwear... jeans I can understand, but dress

pants?? not sure how you do it... maybe pantyhose or something??? maybe

one of you women can enlighten me... us men are dying to know.



~C



CD of the moment: Miles Davis - "In a Silent Way"

Back in DC

Arrived safely on the East Coast after a 13 hour drive and was greeted with

18 rounds of golf and an impromptu crab fest, can't beat that.  I'm

currently staying with a former classmate in Baltimore who is staying in the

house of a friend of him and his boyfriend.  The other guy who is staying in

the house is an ex-boyfriend of the owner.  They were together 10 years ago

and when they broke up he just never left, and he's been there ever since.



There are also three dogs (all male) and two cats (one is male).  So

including me, that's 8 sets of balls all in one house.  But I have my own

room, an air conditioner and a place to sleep so I'll take it without

complaints



So here is the deal.  So about 5 weeks ago I got a call saying there was the

possibility that there would be a teaching position opening up my alma matter,

but there was some uncertainties on whether or not

it would happen.  So I looked up online to find out when classes would start

and saw that they would begin in 3 weeks.  Which meant, if I was going to

leave I would need time to give my current employer the standard two weeks

notice and that would give me one week to get out to DC.



I thought about it over the weekend and decided to do it.  So I was ready to

resign on Monday, but the boss was out of town so I had to wait until he

returned which wasn't until Thursday.  This was the toughest part, knowing

that you were leaving, and having people talk about the next project and

having to act like you were on board for things that were going to happen in

the future when you knew you weren't going to be around.  So I put in my

notice, left and came out here.



It wasn't until the Thursday before classes started did I know for sure that

I had the position.  Luckily, since it happened so fast, there was no

expectation for me to jump in and have to teach the class.  When all of the

paperwork gets finalized, it will be on a strictly part time basis which

will allow me to continue to grow as an architect with a firm out here.  I

just need to find a place that will be open to my current situation.



I will be doing two classes this semester and two classes next semester and

since I have never taught anything before, I am merely watching and may

lecture on a topic or two throughout the course of each semester.  I forget

how slow things move on a college campus so they are thinking I will not be

fully prepared to teach the class on my own for about three years.  Next

year I should be able to take on a more active role in the instruction, then

by year three, I should be able to teach the class on my own.



So that's it, I'm sitting in class 6 hours a week, and job hunting the rest

of the time.  I'm feeling good and looking forward to whatever happens next.



~C

follow the wave

Everything happens for a reason.  I always believed it, but I'm truly seeing it

all in action right now



brother gets engaged

curt decides to look for a place to buy

curt can't afford to rent for another whole year so curt won't renew his lease

landlord tells curt to kiss his ass

curt has to be out by August 1

house buying doesn't work out too well

curt has to put all his things in storage

curt's project at work is coming to a close and is unsure of what he'll be

working on next

curt gets a call for the possiblity of a job in response to a letter he sent

way back in January

curt is homeless

curt reaches out to friends and family who take him in

curt reaches out to friends in DC to tell what he is thinking

everyone tells curt, "Come on out, we got your back."

since all curt has is his clothes, his golf clubs, and his favorite records,

curt quits his job

Jan in the human resources department cries

job lead in DC is not final but may begin as quickly as in two weeks.

so curt is going to go spend a week with his parents, then drive his car load of

stuff to DC to find employment to supplement this great part-time opportunity

(if it happens)



but it's not just me... I know many people who are entering a time of

transition.



Folks are getting married, having babies, moving out, getting

divoriced, changing jobs, changing cities, changing countries, buying a house,

changing careers, and there is obviously something in the stars that's making it

all happen.  You can either fight the wave and let it bring you down or go with

the wave and see where it takes you.



Since I've started flowing with the wave,

everything has become extremely right.  Everyone who I have reached out to

has said they would help me in anyway they could in the most unselfish of ways. 

So as I take the big plunge into the unknown please keep me in your thoughts

and prayers.  Not sure how quickly the chronicles will come in the next few

weeks so continue to buy good music and let life take you where it wants to.



~C

Getting spanked at Galaga

Galaga was my shit back in the day.  You know, the pinnacle of space

invaders type games, where you shoot the flying birds, bumblebees and shit.

I used to play the hell out of that game.  I even knew where the one was in

the city where you could just hold the button down the whole time without

hitting it over and over again, so you would have like an automatic machine

gun.  I had played it so much that i knew which side of the screen the next

things were going to fly in from.



I was the shit at Galaga.



So I'm out at the movies and while I'm standing in line for the concession

stand, she starts playing a game of Galaga.  I'm like damn, "it must be a

connection from above." So she says, "hey, you wanna play a game?"  I look

at her and say are you sure you want to play this one? .... my shit?.... and

she's like "sure, why not".



She says, "I used to love this game!!"  I was like "Are you sure you want to

play this? because I'll just kick your ass and it won't be any fun for you."

I was still trying to determine if I should let her win or really spank

her to show her that not only am I a great guy, but I'm good at Galaga too.

So she makes me start off, "to make sure I remember how to play...."  Once

she started talking a little shit, no matter how little she was playing

around, I went into "It's on!" mode and the I must win attitude in me just

took over.



So I start off, was picked up by the super hawk rays where they take your

ship away and then when you shoot the hawk in motion, you get a double

guy.. double the fire power and virtually guaranteed perfect score during

the 'challenging stages'..  So I'm moving along kicking ass, then she goes,

"You're about to die."



not but two seconds later..... I die and it's her turn...



At this point, I still hadn't seen everything that had previously played

out.. the fact she just happen to be playing Galaga, the you go ahead

and  go first, the way I saw her aimlessly die as I approached her

playing, the "aww damn" sorrow she expressed like she just couldn't do

it well....



Ladies and Gentlemen, I was set the fuck up.



She KICKED MY ASS at Galaga.  I mean she REALLY kicked my ass.  I

played  the first one off like I let her win to be nice, but I wouldn't be

so nice this time.   At this point the competitive nature inside of me

was brewing and there was no way i was going to let her win this time... 

So I get all serious and am really trying hard this time.



I'm hanging in there for a while, then she starts taking the lead again,

and then she starts talking shit... "Whatchoo got bitch?".... I was like

"What?" and she was like, "oh nevermind.".... then I started getting

angry and competitive and at this point, i was trying beat her.  then I

lost another man, and as I watched her point total pass me and take

the lead, she kept talking shit!!  "I told you not to fuck with me." 

soooooooo...................  I cheated.



I was so frustrated that I reached over and moved her joystick into the

missles so that she would lose a ship....



she looked at me in utter amazement and I didn't know what to do....

so I just looked at her and said, "what?"



.........and she STILL kicked my ass.  I don't know what it was.  But I

was really upset.  I played it off like it was all fun in games but she

was all like, "IN YOUR FACE BEEEYYYAAATTTTCCCCHHHHH!!!!!" and

then to put the icing on the cake she said, "I'm sorry.  I'll let you win

next time."



................... I just wanted to go home and go to bed.  I'm going

to start going to the arcade and hanging out with the 9 year olds to get

my practice on.



~C

homelessness isn't that bad

So being homeless isn't that bad thus far. There is not a whole bunch to worry about, except a new routine, which train am i getting on, etc..

It's the little things that a daily routine provide you with that get taken for granted. For example, I know when I get on the train to walk to the 2/3 point on the platform because that will let me off right in front of the exit that I go out of. Coming from a different direction on a different train just throws all that off.

I used to know that if I missed the 7:37 bus, another would come around 7:44, but if you miss that MF, then you usally have to wait until 8:08 when three buses in a row come. I swear these three drivers hang out at the station until the last possible moment, then they all leave together with no regard for the schedule.

I'm now out of the driver's range for my dope ass sushi delivery spot and my Italian spot that knows I get a Chicken calzone every time I call, so all that just throws you off a little bit.

With my stuff in storage, my project at work ending, and nothing really tying me down to Chicago, I've decided to plan my return to the East coast. I have some leads on some things, but nothing definite yet... The timing is just right. I know it. I feel the worst for my real estate agent. Her and her titties have been busting their ass to try to find me a place before I had to leave my apartment. So if anyone is looking for a home in the Chicago area, holla at ya boy because I know someone who is really good and will keep your best interests at heart.

On another note, I FINALLY went to a wedding this year that had alcohol!!!

It was by far, one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to in my life. Not to mention I was down for the count by 10pm. I think it was the sincere genuine nature of all the people involved. It could've also been all the tears. I think 2 out of 3 people who spoke at the reception and rehearsal dinner cried. But it's all good, it just goes to show how much two families care about the people involved and wish the best for them.

But I swear to God, if I hear the Cha-Cha slide at another fucking wedding I'm going to take the CD out of the CD player and smash it in half. I can't stand that shit. I mean, I REALLY can't stand that shit in the same way that I can't stand the way the hood embraces R. Kelley and Lil John. No I think I can't stand the Cha-Cha slide more than that. It's like cheating if you're a DJ to put that song on. And it is some corny Chicago shit!! As a general rule common black folks in Chicago are corny. I know it's hard for some people to accept, but they are. They're taste in fashion, music, language and vehicle accessorizing is mad niggerish. The Cha-Cha slide is the pinnacle of all this. It represents it all.

~C

CD of the moment - .... my CD's are all packed away in storage and it's killing me...

blame it on my brother

I'm about to be homeless and I blame all of this shit on my brother.

I'd like to blame it on his country ass fiance, but its all my brother's fault with his weak ass backbone. Or maybe it's my parent's fault for treating the baby like he was the baby, or maybe it's my fault for beating him throughout his youth. In any case, it's all his fault and I'm about to be homeless.

Let me refresh the memories of those who might've forgotten:

Brother goes to hospital and is diagnosed with meningitis, 3 days after getting out of the hospital he proposes to her on Christmas day. (I think he was still dillusional from the medication). Even though we live together, I don't find out he got engaged until 10 days later..... from her. He suggests he is going to move in with her at the end of our lease on August 1 so I have to find a place to live. On May twentysomething I ask him so when are you going to move in with her.... him: "at the end of the month." me: "like in 7 days?" him: "yep" me: "that's fu*ked up man." him: "I told you I was moving in with her." me: "but you didn't tell me when!!" him: "I thought I told you." me: "no, you didn't." him: "sorry."

so just like that, Curtis was stuck with paying the $1250 rent by himself for the past two months. I tried to go month to month, but da landlord wanted a lease, so he rented the apartment in like a week. So I've got to get out in 10 days. I've arranged to put all of my shit (and all of the shit my brother left) into storage. Of course there is like a four month minimum on that shit so moving / storing will end up costing me about a grand. I would've left all of his stuff there, but my parents put the guilt trip on me so I'm making them pay for half of the storage fees, because I will leave his shit in there to be thrown away.

House hunting sucks. I've put 3 offers on places to this point. I've been undercut by a cash bidder, and have gone back and forth with a developer on another one where they kept rejecting the items in my addendum that protect me from getting screwed. Everyone wants you to buy some old ass house "as is" and I'm like um "hell no." I'm going to have that shit inspected with the understanding if it's falling down then I ain't buying it!

My poor real estate agent bless her heart. We roll up to this house on the cusp of the hood in her newly waxed Jetta shining and of course Bebe's kids lives next door to the place we're looking at, hanging all on the fence, not moving out of the way so we can get to the house that's for sale and this little dude named Andre in a Superman shirt stood in my way looking hard. I mean he wasn't moving and he had his face all scrunched up like he was going to do something.

So of course the 9 year old older sister yells from across the way, "GET OUT THE DAMN WAY ANDRE!" Andre didn't move. So my realtor looks at me in shock. 9 year old sister yells again, "ANDRE LET THE PEOPLE SEE THE HOUSE!! GET OUT THE DAMN WAY!!" Andre didn't move.... Now you have to understand, I've been up since 6:00 in the morning, worked all day, I'm hungry, we've just finished seeing about 6 other houses and condos that were a bunch of shit, I was tired.

I bent down calmly to Andre's level and quietly said, "Andre, if you don't get out the damn way like the young lady said and wipe that smirk off your face.... I'm going to move you out the way my damn self.......... you hear me?"

Andre pauses then slowly moves out of the way. The place wasn't bad, but I knew if I lived there I'd have to kick Andre's ass one day. The last thing I need is some neighborhood parent banging on my door to cuss me out because they've got bad ass kids.

Which brings me back to the fact that I'm going to be homeless in 10 days.

Good thing I've got hoes.

~C

CD of the moment: Wax Poetic - "Nublu Sessions"

your confessions

Here are your confessions......

.... keep them coming!

~C

CD of the moment: Kenny Dope - "In The House"

----------

I confess, that I too spend in excess. I am living beyond my means, simply because I know I can. When I don't have, I know my parents do and as spoiled as this sounds, they always get me out of any crunch I'm in.

I confess that I get involved with people simply b/c they're deeply attracted to me. Then I say and do things to them that I would never say or do to a person I care about and I always keep them as friends no matter how bad I treat them b/c I simply know how to keep them. But when the tables are turned and I give my whole heart to someone I end up sulking about how I wish I could've kept them for years to come.

I also confess that I have trouble breaking up with people that I know still have feelings for me and that's why I treat them so badly, in hopes that they'll just walk away. Then I end up apologizing for behaviors I could've prevented if they just understood when I wanted them to leave, go that away -------------------->.

I confess that I have a problem telling people I truly love and care for about the issues that affect me the most. Then when I finally do tell them, they act as though it wasn't such a big deal as I thought it was.

I have a young buck who is stalking me. I messed up by giving him some and now he won't go away. The fact that I have a boyfriend is of little consequence to him. The fact that I have a crazy, deranged boyfriend more than twice his size has not slowed him down at all. While I mostly find this situation annoying because he calls me at least four times a day, but since we're confessing, this situation has inflated my ego just a little, even though it has almost completely destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend. .. but I've already done something to jeopardize the relationship. I think my female monogamy gene is recessive or something. While I would love to tell you that I regret cheating because cheating is wrong, I must confess that most of the regret stems from the fact that the sex wasn't as good as the sex with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Here's the conundrum: plentiful, good sex or infrequent off-the-chain sex.

I confess that I it's been such a long time since I have had some male attention that I've forgotten that I am fine (to paraphrase Erykah Badu).

I need a kiss on my neck.

I confess that I a want to have an active sex life...but I don't want to f*ck. I'm afraid of catching something (diseases or feelings) from a guy. Hmm, that's interesting.

I confess that the last 10 lbs. that I have been trying to lose are as much a part of my hips, titties and thighs as is the curve of my spine. None of them are going anywhere, so I need to just embrace them as the new me.

I confess that I want to live a life of leisure and see the world. That working is for the proletariat of which I am trying to escape (not because I'm not a regular girl, but because I have irregular dreams for my life).

Farenheit 9/11

So I finally got Farenheit 911 yesterday. I thought it was good, but could've been better, but it wasn't until yesterday that I finally 'got it'. I was riding in an elevator with some coworkers. One said "I'm going to see f911 tonight" to which another responded, "Oh my god!!! that was a GRRRRRRRREEEEAT movie!"

I said something like, "I think that it was lacking in intellectual rigor" (you know I have to play smart for the people every once in a while) and tony the tiger person said, "Well, but it was a *documentary*..."

There was this pause.

Then I said, "uh, that's exactly why I was hoping it would be intellectually rigorous."

The whole thing was bizarre.

Then it dawned on me, this film wasn't made for the people who already knew most or all of the information in it, follows the news and the international websites, watches the BBC and so forth. I didn't really realize this up until that point. The movie was made for the highly emotional clusterfu*ks who can be moved solely through appealing to their emotions.

So, Michael Moore is no Stephen Spielberg, the master of being able to make you laugh or cry at exactly the moment he wants you to, but he comes pretty close.

~C

CD of the moment - Cottonbelly - "NYC Sessions" <-- the man behind Sweetback & Sade, good stuff!

treat yourself right

I had a helluva meal last night.. I mean, a HELLUVA meal, with impeccable service. We rush through dinner all too often. Good food should be appreciated, nurtured, and every bite savored when eating out in a nice restaurant. There is nothing like a 3 hour dinner to give you a little piece of mind. We had people on both sides of us arrive, eat and leave before we were done. I mean, you're going to pay the same amount whether you sit there for an hour or for three, so you might as well sit there for three. Here's how it went down:

martinis to start as we perused the menu full of things we'd never heard of.

1) some sort of salty palatte-cleansing fish soaked in butter

cracked open a bottle of wine from the list of 300

2) appetizers
her: crispy suckling pig with red grapes, homemade sauerkraut, pickled beets, heirloom apple and dill.
me: seared maine diver scallops with brandade, english peas, preserved lemon, slow toasted garlic, and pea tendrils

3) palatte cleanser #2 - Papaya jelly cube on top of a blackberry compote filled butter cookie

4) entrees
me: wood-grilled california sturgeon with yukon gold potatoes, spring carrot salad, dill and braised oxtail jus.
her: confit of organic veal tenderloin and crispy sweetbreads with cavolo nero, roasted garlic panisse, english peas, and caramelized rhubarb

finished the bottle of wine
-----
palatte cleanser #3 - truffles (chocolates w/ gooey stuff inside)
--------
a little bubbly to go with desert

5) deserts
her: fresh berries in caramel sauce
me: vanilla crepe w/ blueberries and hazelnet ice cream

after dinner drinks:
grappa for me, and tea for her........

damage: $189 + $50 tip = $239..... not bad.

you have to spoil yourself sometimes and not give a shit about the check at the end of the night. Trust me, it's good for your soul.

after that, we went salsa dancing in the hood.... I love women who are multi-environment friendly.

her: "what are you looking at over there?"
me: "who me? just checking out her dance moves that's all..."

~C

CD of the moment: Kemistry & Storm - DJ Kicks

Usher who?

first of all, I don't listen to the radio.... like, ever.  Maybe a little

NPR or ESPN sports radio if I happen to forget my CD changer.  But I don't

ever listen to the radio, watch BET, VH1, or none of that, so I had no idea

that Usher had a song out called 'confessions'.  I don't even like Usher

with his fake wanna-be Michael Jackson ass. (old michael)



Anyway, it was nice to see some men come out of the woodwork and give a

contrast to the sappy stuff you ladies wrote.  I know.  You are emotional

beings, and we are not....



~C



your confessions:



I came UP last week...as in made some dough and she don't even know it. And

I don't know if I am going to tell her....until after I got my ticket for

Brazil.



I think I'm intriged with women (to the point were it's unhealthy), at this

point I don't think I'll ever be able to settle down



In the end happiness trumps salary (Never thought i'd say this).



I really wish my dad would lose my number



A woman from one of my pornos, Assliciously Delicious 5, bears a striking

resemblance to one of my exes. ironically, this ex and i never had sex.

therefore, when i watch her scene, i envision what *should* have been.



I hate women who put on their makeup while they're driving. If you can't

wake your ass up 15 minutes earlier, don't put it on.



I thought someone REALLY hurt my feelings, really they just offended my

narcisstic, vain side.



In violation of all KINDS of HIPAA laws (which protect patient/doctor

confidentiality) I look at medical records of everyone I know at work. I

just did my ex, and his daughter. I've done high school friends and enemies.

I've even done people I've only met once or twice. If you live in xxxxx and

go to University hospitals and I know ur last name...ur not safe.



Running away is never the answer but damn it feels like that best option

sometimes.



I hate it when people bitch about something and don't make valid attempts to

rectify the situation and right now i'm feeling like i'm one of those

people.



WORK IS KICKING MY FUCKING ASS!!! FUCK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! OVERTIME W/

NOTHING IN RETURN? FUCK Y'ALL!



I do miss my ex sometimes. Six years is a long time to be with someone.

There were a lot of things that caused us to part but the basic feelings

don't go away.



I miss my granny...real bad. The more yrs I live the more I miss her. She

was the glue to my *whole* family and the person I confided in the most just

to hear her wisdom and wit. She never got to see any of her grandkids even

graduate high school (which was a feat that, unfortunately, she did not get

to do)



Since most people have complained about hearing me urinate during our

conversations, i've taken the liberty of sitting down to piss when i'm on

the phone. in order to not draw suspicion, I flush the toilet and run out of

the bathroom as quickly as possible.



while watching amazing race last night everytime the camera panned to the

midget running... I laughed ..... hard.



I drove 'ol girl to the airport last week. I was supposed to take her car

back to her spot afterwards, but I kept if for a day so I could go to a

party that thursday.



I'm starting to hate rnb... & it's in a state that's much worse than hiphop

is & ever will be.





CD of the moment:   Breaks & Bossa - Chapter 6

chronicle confessions

Do you have something on your mind that you just need to release? Something you'd like to proclaim to the world? Sometimes it helps jumpstart things if you say it out loud. I introduce the chronicle confessions.

You know how in those hot Southern churches you had to get up and confess... and you would hear way more about folks business then you wanted too.... well now is that time, you'll feel better once you do it and you are able to hide behind a veil of secrecy: me. Send me your confessions and I"ll anonymously compile them into one or two e-mails...

I'll start:



Im an insomniac. I stay up until all hours of the night for no reason and then struggle through the work day. This is a problem.

I miss my boys from college because they looked out and lent a helping hand for me when nobody else would.

When my car was broken into, rifled through, but nothing taken, I honestly had to stop for a second to think if there was some girl that was out to get me.... I'm sure it was kids from the neighborhood... those boys are mad niggerish... but this all leads me to believe I need to slow down with the hoes..

I feel emotionally invincible. like at this point in my life no one can really upset me... I think this is a bad thing.

I need to start being more responsible with my money .. I'm counting every penny in my account to start paying a mortgage (haven't found a place yet) ..I have some money coming in on a freelance job, but that hoe ain't paying. I need to be more aggressive and get my money.

CD of the moment: Aya - "Strange Flower"

chronicle confessions

do you have something on your mind that you just need to release?  Something

you'd like to proclaim to the world?  Sometimes it helps jumpstart things if

you say it out loud. I introduce the chronicle confessions.



You know how in those hot Southern churches you had to get up and confess...

and you would hear way more about folks business then you wanted too....

well now is that time, you'll feel better once you do it and you are able to

hide behind a veil of secrecy: me.  Send me your confessions and I"ll

anonymously compile them into one or two e-mails...



I'll start:







Im an insomniac.  I stay up until all hours of the night for no reason and

then struggle through the work day.  This is a problem.



I miss my boys from college because they looked out and lent a helping hand

for me when nobody else would.



When my car was broken into, rifled through, but nothing taken, I honestly

had to stop for a second to think if there was some girl that was out to get

me.... I'm sure it was kids from the neighborhood... those boys are mad

niggerish... but this all leads me to believe I need to slow down with the

hoes..



I feel emotionally invincible. like at this point in my life no one can

really upset me... I think this is a bad thing.



I need to start being more responsible with my money .. I'm counting every

penny in my account to start paying a mortgage (haven't found a place yet)

..I have some money coming in on a freelance job, but that hoe ain't paying.

 I need to be more aggressive and get my money.



CD of the moment: Aya - "Strange Flower"

My intern is a fu*king trooper!

My intern is a fucking trooper.  I'm starting to move on up in the world I

guess.  I made a plea for being overworked to infer if i was going to

continue to bust my ass the way I was, I would need some additional

compensation.  I knew they wouldn't pay me more, but they did give me an

intern.



Having an intern is a beautiful thing.  It is a completely different way of

working.  Instead of doing the work, now you spend most of your time,

checking someone else's work and making sure that you are keeping them busy.

 It frees up your time and allows you to focus on the  things you really

need to focus on and not spend your whole day typing up transmittals every

time you need to send out a drawing.  I understand the importance of keeping

a record of who you gave what when, but transmittals take up way too much of

my time.



I thought back to when i was an intern and how working for someone else

usually sucks unless they respect you, give you a certain amount of leeway,

and generally make you want to work for them.  So rather than focus solely

on the type of work I gave her, I also spent time focusing on the bond

between my intern and I.  Not once do I brush her off or make it seem like

something else I'm doing is more important to her.  I answer her questions. 

I sit with her, talk to her and teach her.  When she fucks up, I tell her,

"that is fucked up.", and now she knows better than to show me some

unfinished bullshit.  She loves me.  But most importantly, she works hard

for me.  I let her know I have high expectations of her and she does

everything she can to meet my expectations.



But I think I may have pushed her too far.



See, we had a big deadline we were pushing towards and there was still a lot

to do.  There was more work to do than we could actually finish, but that

was okay.  I knew if we got pretty close, we would be in good shape.  So in

her rush to get to the office by 7:30am to start the day, she stumbled a

little bit and twisted her ankle.  As I roll in around 9ish, the other girls

are gathered around her looking at her foot asking her if it hurts.



I survey the situation then say, "It looks fine.  You don't need your foot

to draw anyway.  Get back to work."



Although I was joking, it didn't quite sound like it.  So after everyone

left, she actually started drawing despite the pain.  I go back over to her

desk and tell her she should go to the hospital to get it checked out. (I

should've made her ass check out a laptop though!)  She calls from the

hospital 2 hours later........... "it's broken."



damn, I am such a prick.



Two hours later, her chunky ass rolls back into the office on crutches!!!

Comes over to my desk and says, "how much do we have left to do?"



I was stunned.  she came back to work with a broken foot.  No drugs.  Pain

and all, and stayed later than I did to make sure we met our deadline.



Either she is the most dedicated worker I've ever worked with, or her ass is

just plain crazy.



~C



CD of the moment: Wax Poetic - "Nublu Sessions" (ft. Norah Jones, N'Dea

Davenport, and Saul Williams)

Chicago's housing market

The housing market in Chicago is out of control. Either you live way far away from everything in order to get something nice, or you live close by on the cusp of the hood. So my realtor set up a series of parameters that pick a price range and location of a property. Then I get the e-mails of all the listings in that area which meet my requirements. After I go through them all, I pick which ones I want to see and she sets up the appointments.

So I scrolled through the listings and picked out 5 properties that seemed like they had potential. Let me take you through the 5 site visits and the lessons I learned.

1. The picture in the listing always lies. What appeared to be a nice two story brick townhouse in the photo turned out to be a coach house on the very back of the lot. The original house had burned down in a fire and there was still a pile of rubble near the front of the site. After entering the house we realized this wasn't really a house. It was formerly the garage that had been enclosed and turned into a big room for the washer/dryer with a small apartment on top. The only thing inside the apartment was a couple of stereos, bathroom stuff (shampoo, soap, etc..) and about 9 pairs of shoes in the closet. No bed, no TV, no books. Just music, shoes, and showering. What more does a man need.

2. When the price is too good to be true, there is a reason. So in examining this listing it proclaimed an empty lot next door would be included in the purchase price for an additional $10,000. It was near a school, and needed some TLC. So near a school means there are a lot of kids running around playing on your steps, bouncing balls off the side of your house while spitting red soda at each other. So you have sticky ass steps leading up to your house with bees flying around while ray-ray and neeshee fight over the hula hoop. Ray-ray's lightweight ass don't need to playing with a hula hoop anyway, get that brotha a plastic sword or something.

3. Speaking spanish is a plus. So we walk into this cute little house, and it had a strong chemical stench of something. I couldn't figure out what it was, then we went downstairs and the owner is telling us that when they put the tiles down in the basement, they got glue all over the place and he was using chemicals to get it off. He had some Mexican cat down there breathing all this toxic chemical aroma and I start talking to my man in Spanish. He starts telling me that with the big rain we had earlier in the day water just "gushed right in through that door!" and proceeded to explain within earshot of the owner how they installed the drain in the wrong place and whenever it rains the basement floods and I would be a fool to buy that house. Muchas gracias amigo.

4. Talk to the neighbors. So we approach the next place and we see the old man on the porch across the street laughing at us and shaking his head. We open the door and the stench was so bad we didnt' even bother going inside. As we come right back out of the entry he's laughing at us. I head over to him and this is what he said, "Those dumb ass niggas ran that motha fucka to shit! All dem dogs and shit all up in da motha fuckin house. The bitch that lived there was a real sweet woman, then she died and them dumb niggas lived there for a motha fuckin year before they finally came and kicked those dumb motha fuckas out." Thanks for the info man. See you at church.

You have to understand that my real estate agent is a real perky, happy-go-lucky white chick with real big tits that just jump out and slap you when you see her. (I wouldn't have it any other way.) I have to give her credit. We were a little lost and she was about to pull over and ask the brothas on the corner for directions. Either she is incredibly naive or a fucking trooper who doesn't give a shit. I can't tell if this is her game face or if she's really just this cool. i mean, I wouldn't even have asked these brothas for directions.

5. A house is not a home. After being frustrated with our picks so far, the last place to see was a condo that had a lot of square feet for the price. It was accessible to transportation, huge living room, jacuzzi in one of the bathrooms, washer/dryer in the unit. hot! I could even get past the fact that I had to move the brotha playing the stereo on the front step to get to the door of my unit. It's on a pretty busy street and there are 5 salon/ barber / hair braiding stores in the first floor as well as a liquor store. Now, I came to realize this is the closest liquor store to a nearby public house hi-rise, so all the drunks were outside arguing, making noise, carrying on. Then we were on our way out and they were arguing right in front of the door. For the first time, my realtor froze. I said, I'd go first and as soon as we go outside there was a crackhead touching her trying to get her belt from her. "That belt sure is nice white girl. Why don't you let me have that?"

For the first time, she felt uncomfortable, and I felt the need to apologize for my people. I know her white clients don't take her to places where crackheads are arguing!!! It sucks because I know I can damn near get a whole house near the hood with a backyard and a garage for the same amount I would spend living near the Gap / Starbucks / sushi spot in a studio. They would both be the same distance from downtown, in some cases, the hood is closer. But just because you have a house, doesn't mean it will feel like home.... not when you've got to slide your money through bulletproof glass to get a bottled water.... not when you've got crackheads that will harass your guests. Who the hell is ever going to come to your house if they're going to have to move little punks blasting E-40 sitting at the entrance to your condo?

This is my current dilemma. I've reached a crossroads and not sure which way to turn.

~C

CD of the moment: Aya - "Strange Flower"