Thank you.

Thanks to all who have sent their prayers while my brother was in the

hospital.  I'm not sure how some of you found out.  For those who didn't

know, he somehow caught a strain of viral meningitis (the good kind) and was

in the hospital until today.  Luckily it wasn't bacterial meningitis (the

bad kind).  He is doing tons better compared to how he was initially doing

and at this point, he just needs rest and he'll be fine.



Needless to say, I never had the opportunity to mail or even make the

holiday CD this year.  Unfortunately, this e-mail is going to have to serve

as my holiday card for 2003 and as unpersonal as it may seem, I truly hope

you all have a happy holiday season and wish you the best for 2004.



Cheers,



-Curtis

undercover bi men

I realized I never sent out the most eloquent responses that I received to my friend's e-mail about the undercover bi-men.....

here you go.. since it has been so long, here is the original e-mail at the top, and the responses below

peace,

-c



-----------------------
original e-mail
-----------------------
Okay, so my alarm goes off at 6:30 this morning to Hot 105.1 as it ususally does. I love Ed and Dre in the morning (with Monie Luv in da middle) cause they are hilarious and very good at having interesting people come on the show. Well, this morning's topic was "How to Tell If Your Man Is Gay or Bisexual" and the author of the book so titled was Shaharazad Ali (most of you might remember her infamous guide on "What Black Women Should Do To Get A Man" or something like that). Anyway, as most of you know I am paranoid about dating black men in NYC because I feel that many, if not most, of them are gay or bisexual. A few of you have forwarded e-mails to me that have discussed this same topic. Apparently, there is a subculture of black men who are dating or married and are also leading double lives. Many of them frequent their local gyms or even bathhouses to engage in homosexual activity. Now don't get me wrong, I am a fan of gay men (I have a very close friend who is gay and his sexuality doesn't mean a thing to me), however, we're not dating and we are not going to date. He wouldn't date me, but some of his bisexual friends would. Therefore, what I am trying to do is really find out if there are signs or any indicia that I, and my single, heterosexual female friends, can look to that will alert us to a guy playing for both teams.

I have one friend whose name I won't mention ("Hey Tanisha!") that thinks that this whole idea of black men being gay on the DL is either all in my head or that I am taking it too far. But I feel it's better to be safe than sorry. Yes, I have found black men who aren't gay and we have had good relationships. But I feel like I have been fortunate and that lately that is not the norm.

Nevertheless, the question remains as to what we, as women, should do to not get ourselves into this situation. Yes, I want to date more than just this one safe guy that I graduated from HU with. Yes, I feel that there are many, many black men who are not engaging in this type of behavior. The caveat is that I cannot tell them from those who are. For all of the men on this e-mail list (and even women if you have some tips), please let us know what we should look for when dating a guy so that we don't find ourselves in a bad situation. Again, I have nothing against anyone being gay (do your thang!), I just don't want to date you if that is what you are into.
----------------------------
responses
------------------------

Hey don't shoot the messenger. I honestly don't think there's a device or way to really know if your man's living a double life. There are men who marry/have kids/live this heterosexual life for years on end, later to reveal they're gay or bisexual and NOW they want to be open and honest about it. And no one had a clue. What can you do? Like any relationship, you hope the person you're involved with would have the decency to be upfront with you, but it's not always the case. You can go around checking out what they're doing, but eventually you have to take the person's word for it. If you don't trust the person, then you shouldn't be with them.

----------------------------
okay, so here is my reply. i thought for awhile that i wouldn't reply to this e-mail because it was way too close minded and conspiracy thoerist-like. my experience with discussing issues with these people is that they have no capacity to objectively reason a counterpoint, and they are always talking louder than necessary (as if that would convince me any more of their point.) in any case i must respond.

this woman states that she is afraid of finding a new man for fear that they may be gay, yet she states that she has been with a man who is "safe" for years. my question is "why the hell is she so worried about this????!!!!"

this woman has NEVER had a run in with a bisexual that she knows of, but this woman is scared into dating this one guy because of what she has read and heard about.

i once heard a story about a woman that has teeth coming out of her clit, but i still try to get new ass. and even if i had the unfortunate unpleasure of running intyo this woman with this genital dental nightmare, i doubthat would turn me away from woman.

i believe the true story lies behing the words she wrote. i think she is a woman that likes this dude she's been with. this guy screwed her over more than just a few times and she is rationalizing a reason to stay with this asshole. all she needs to do is slap herself out of this phobia, get fucked well by the next guy and hopefully she will be treated well, then her problem will have resolved itself.

as for bisexual men and bathhouses. i say let'em do their thing. if they don't tell their significant other well, hey, that's the risk you take when giving your heart to someone. some guys lie about their job, some lie about children they have, some lie about getting fucked in the ass...........shit happens.

by the way i refuse to beleive it is as much a problem as she is trying to portray. and if it is i think i should be more worried then she is.
-----------------------
Hmmm interesting topic..
I guess for me, the only thing I can suggest is that you ask. And ask early
enough so that the brother isn't offended or put off by your question. The
key to asking is to remember to keep it light as if it's just part of your
"getting to know you" repertoire. You know kind of like when you ask him
about what his fantasies are etc. pop that question..."Have you ever thought
about being with another man?" and then don't seem shocked when you hear the
answer.... 'cause chances are if the brother thinks you are going to be
appalled and walk out, he is not going to respond truthfully.

I too have a close friend who is gay, and I used to share your same anxiety.
I'd always ask him if he saw this brother or that brother out.... LOL! After
a while I just decided that there really wasn't any point in doing that. To
me, you just gotta look out for the signs that the man is not being honest.
Pay attention to anything you think is strange. No offense to the brothers
but, men are not that clever when it comes to lying and cheating. Sooner or
later he'll slip up. Let's just hope it's while you still have that nickel
btwn your knees. LOL!
--------------------------
Bottom line. A Liar is A Liar and there
is no need for a separate category for gay or straight. If your man is
interested in anyone else man or women or anyone else besides you, he needs
to be truthful with saying he's not interested. I think as whole societies
own fears and rejection of the gay lifestyle is what makes it hard for
brothas to come out the closet in the first place. Why are people always
seeking to "out" them or find out there sexual status continues to
perpetrate the feelings of rejection that keep these brothas on the DL. If
we put more focus on brothas (gay or str8) being honest..then it wouldn't
matter if he left you for a man or women, he just left you!

I think we are looking for a list of signs or symbols (If your man drinks
his coffee with 2 hands he's gay) type of stuff and that again just shows
how we love to take outside appearances, actions, and stereotypes to judge
someone and that is not right. I understand women fear being lied to but
honestly gay and str8 men lie..they just lie about different things. In
other words don't look to see if you man is gay..look for a liar they are
easier to figure out. If you are concerned about someone being gay, be
concerned that they are living a closeted life that leaves them lonely,
searching, in denial and confused and help that brotha accept himself. As
for the liar, get rid of him!
-----------------------------
If he's black wears Armani|Exchange....he might be gay
If his closet is 50% Banana Republic....he might be gay
If the other half of his closet is Kenneth Cole....he might be gay
If he is over 30 and hasn't had a girlfriend in 3 yrs...he might be gay
If he is still a fan of Whitney Houston...he might be gay
If he is a fan of Madonna....he might be gay
If he is a fan of Cher.....he definitely is gay!

If he dressed up at a Halloween party in anything close fitting...he might be gay
If he notices your hair, purse, bag or shoes when they are new...he might be gay
If he doesn't act like he is trying to get into your pants...even on the first date...he might be gay because men are only after one thing!

If he wants to get to know you better before going to the next step...he might be gay.
If he works out at a pretty boy gym... 5 times a week....he might be gay
If he uses the word "fabulous"...he definitely is gay


The problem here is that the black community is so culturally behind, that being gay is still such a disgrace that the majority of black gay men have to keep it on the DL. This is an ever increasing problem especially in these times of AIDS. You best line of defense is to use your out and proud gay friends who might be able to tell you if they have seen him out before, or have then use their gaydar on your prospective man.

And please, if he is stupid enough to say that he has experimented with guys before....RUN LIKE HELL!

I should know, I am a proud black gay man.

-----------------------------
Shit, I'm so obsessed with the cheating, I never even bothered to open up the
possibility that it might be with a man, for crying out loud! (My boyfriend does
have unusually "naturally" manicured nails...and he did get a strange call from
a man the other night at 3 in the morning...fuck!)
------------------------
I have nothing against homosexuals/lesbians; I have befriended both. I do have a problem dating a male that is bisexual though. Although it hasn't been my first concern of the day, this email has made me wander. Last night as I cruised around Dream Night Club checking out prospects I couldn't help but to wander who was my competition. The chick in the mini, show all skirt could be competition but she could also be trying to mack me. I could have allot more in common than I think with the guy standing next to me smelling and looking good. You just don’t know and cannot tell in this day and age.

Bobby and Mantrell, I don't think that there is more bi woman, I think its more acceptable; its supposed to be every hetero male's fantasy. Bisexual black men are not as acceptable therefore there is shame or a need to keep it hidden. Last night in Dream there were 3 girls dancing and touching all over each other, can you imagine if it were 3 black men? There would have been a riot up in there, hetero men would be defending their masculinity and the "in the closet" homosexuals/bisexuals would have to respond the same to keep their secret a secret. I guess the big issue is how each individual truly sees a gay or lesbian, some don't mind it, some are detested by it and some enjoy it.

My belief is information there is crucial info that each partner should tell the other before things get too serious so a decision can be made. If you can tolerate that your new love has been with the same sex, then you stay. If you cannot tolerate the news then you leave before things take a real deep turn. I met a guy at Black Lilly in downtown Manhattan, we talked often over the phone, went on a date, he informed me that he used to have a crack addiction (VERY CRUCIAL INFO). At that point before feelings were involved I had the opportunity to make a decision that was best for me. I knew we could converse but there was no future. A few months later I called his place of employment and his boss asked me did I see him and if I did to tell him he was looking for him. I then knew I made the right decision.

Bottom line is keep it honest and give the other person as much info as they need to make a decision that is best for them to achieve their goal. The worse thing to steal from a person is time. This goes for heterosexuals, bisexuals and gays. If you don't see a future with that person let them know. They could pass Mr. and Ms. right every day, all day and they don't see them because they are under the impression they are in a loving relationship when all they are is a hobby, something to do or someone to mooch off of.

--------------------
Your friend's email gives the impression of a New York where the majority of black men are bisexual. Perhaps if these concerns stem from experiences you have already had, we should talk about how some of the characteristics that black women find attractive are prevalent or at least sterotyped to be prevalent in the homo/bisexual community. Although these characteristics (very well dressed, very empathetic to female needs, etc) should in no way enable someone to determine, with 100% certainty, someone else's individual sexual preferences, I would be concerned about dating someone who was so much my best friend, that I didn't need my female friends any longer. Also, there seems to be far more bisexual women than there are bisexual men. Women hate when there is gender based discrimination against them (imagine the baby mama/ baby daddy situation in terms of dating). And cheating is cheating, whether it be with a man or a woman, so if you found someone that you really liked, perhaps it shouldn't matter what kind of relationships they have had in their past as long once you get to the point where you are considering making a commitment you have a good understanding of what the expectations are.
Of course we are married and hopefull won't have to worry about dating ever again!

------------------------------

Thanksgiving recipe for you

... I'm not even playing...... the recipe is right on their website.... see

for yourself.



http://www.whitecastle.com/_pages/recipe_list.asp?section=recipes&type=DINNER&recipe=9





White Castle Turkey Stuffing



10 White Castle hamburgers, no pickles

1 1/2 cups celery, diced

1 1/4 tsp. ground thyme

1 1/2 tsp. ground sage

3/4 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper

1/4 cup chicken broth





In a large mixing bowl, tear the burgers into pieces and add diced celery

and seasonings. Toss and add chicken broth. Toss well. Stuff cavity of

turkey just before roasting. Makes about 9 cups (enough for a 10- to

12-pound turkey). Note: Allow 1 hamburger for each pound of turkey, which

will be the equivalent of 3/4 cup of stuffing per pound.

getting tested...

So, I've decided that it's been about two years since I've had a proper physical and am feeling like it's about time to get the good ole test done.

I dread it with a passion, but you know, it has to be done. It's sort of like getting tested for Aids, but worse. When you get tested for AIDS, you are forced to recollect your entire life within a period of a week, and you start remembering things and people that you had completely forgot about. That pain and suffering of waiting and wondering the first time you get that AIDS test, ain't even close to the pain that one endures when go for THE TEST.

The last time I had THE TEST, the doc pulled out a swab that was comparable to the size of a lincoln log. I asked him if he had one any smaller and he said no, but I know for damn sure they make Q-tips smaller than this piece of firewood he had in his hand.

He held it to the sky in the tradition of He-man, dipped it in what had to be 1500 proof liquor, told me "this might sting *just* a little". Then, biceps flexing, he reared back and shoved it in.

Then he twisted it.

Then he shoved it in further.

Then he twisted it again.

Then he took a nap.

What felt like three hours later, he woke up, twisted a few more times just for kicks, and yanked it out.

This is what's known as "getting a culture".

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! boy am I excited!!!!

.... maybe I'll reconsider my position on this whole physical thing and just make her go.

-C

mean moms

This is how my mother justifies all of the years of keeping me from being a child. She sends me e-mail forwards like the one below..

~C

--------------------


If your kids ever said your mean, don't worry.

All moms are MEAN for a reason
--------------------------------------------
As we grow into adults we know why our moms were mean.
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the
logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them:

I loved you enough... to ask where you were going, with whom,
and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough... to insist that you save your money and buy
a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you.

I loved you enough...to be silent and let you discover that your new
best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough... to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had
taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for
it."

I loved you enough... to stand over you for two hours while you
cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough... to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears
in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough... to let you assume the responsibility for your
actions
even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough... to say NO when I knew you
would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them
because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children
are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents,
you will tell them.... Was your Mom mean? I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!

While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal,
eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch,
we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different
from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing
here we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.

She had to know who our friends were, and what we were
doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for
an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the
Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes,
make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty
the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at
night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our
minds. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove
up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had
to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on
lots of things other kids experienced.

None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults.

We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't
have enough mean moms.

PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MEAN MOTHERS YOU KNOW.

(And Their Kids !!!!!)

i'm glad you enjoyed it

Hey.

What?

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, I did too. But I feel as if you deserve more.

No it was fine.

IT WAS FINE!!!

Seriously......

no, it's just...

Well,

.......... I'm a little upset....

Well, I'll tell you, but you can't get offended.... I just want to tell you the truth....

Okay, because I feel as if I had the perfect opportunity to execute a classic backshot, but failed miserably. I was just thinking how this classic porn-like opportunity was right in my face, but instead of shooting it all over your back on some Jake Steed type ish, I just got too excited, thus you were left with the puddle on your right butt cheek.

No, I know.....

Of course it was fine, because I know how to work my shit like that!!

...... I'm just playing with you......

I couldn't believe it when you actually got up to look at it on your ass. That was actually kinda sexy.

What's so tough about successfully executing doggie style, and ending with the backshot???

You just don't get it! It is an art! A skill that can't be taught!

I'd be glad to get into it, but I don't think you'd appreciate it because you're usually on the receiving end of things.....

NO, not ALL the time, I'm just talking about doggie style...

.... it's not what I said, but it's what I meant. sorry for the confusion....

Yeah, I'll admit you're working some, but you're not working as much as I AM....

What is so artful and skillful about it?? I'll tell you.

I think I can break it down into 5 simple things required for the perfect execution:

1. Use of Hands - Holding the ass in such a way as to gently inform you of who in fact is in charge.
2. Thrust - Appropriate amount of power behind each stroke without loss of control of said thrusting instrument.
3. Aim - With what angle said instrument slides in and out of the receiver.
4. Appreciation - Ocassionally verbalizing of appreciation for various aspects of activity, participants, participants performance, and said participants body parts.
5. Focus - Maintaining a certain awareness, allowing the other to stay for a time with each position / velocity that causes maximum yowling and squirming.

Balancing all of this, isn't easy...

Oh don't worry about me, I'm fine...... I actually get pleasure out of knowing that you are pleased....

........you just smiled didn't you....? :)

... I could hear it

So, listen, about the last time, I was off my game and I'm sorry.... no, my fault, not the LAST time, but the time right before that. The last time was great! You worked it when you were on top, for real.

I know, I know..... I saw you sweating.

....... and the whole time while we were out, I thought you would be too tired, but I should've known better.

If you just wanted to go home and fuck, why didn't you just say so?

-C

CD of the moment: Stuart Matthewman - "Twin Falls Idaho"

Ursula Rucker - "Silver or Lead"

first of all, I just want to give a big shout out to Red Lobster Cheddar

Cheese biscuits because those joints are BANGIN'!!! I've been tasting them

for about the past 3 days and it's killing me, I'm going to break down

tonight I just know it.....



"Um, yeah, can I get one biscuit?.... no just one..... thanks."



Second, I want to tell you about a really, really great album, the new one

by Ursula Rucker - "Silver or Lead"  There are some monatanous hip-hop beats

that drag the album at some points, but overall, it is outstanding....

here's my song by song:





1. Soon (music by Rob Yancey)   From the beginning, you know this is going

to be something different.  The beat feels like it was ripped straight off

of a portishead  album.  Slow simple hip-hop beat with a looped piano riff,

with Ursula flowing over the top of it. I personally don't feel like it

suits her flow very well but it might grow on me.  Lyrically she's coming on

some hard slave story vibe, ending the record with, "Fuck yeah, I'll go back

to Africa"



2. What A Woman Must Do (music by Jazzanova)  A very understated Jazzanova

production but the skills are still obvious.  The live drum sounds give this

a different feeling than the first track and the simple congas in the

background keep the vibe flowing on this one.  The changeups in the track

allow this song to run almost 7 minutes.  Notable lyric.... "concubine,

cunt, bitch, whore, witch, dike" ??? not sure what she's talking about and

the singing doesn't add anything to the track, but it's a nice chilled out

head bobber for sure.



3. Untitled Flow (music by King Britt)  I've never been a fan of King

Britt's hip-hop production and this is no different.  His house / afro-latin

/ soul productions are usually on point, but musically here the track is

weak in my opinion, Ursula takes it to the streets on this one.  She

completely broke out on some underground poetry cipher vibe on this one.  I

mean I felt like I was in a stank, dark, musty cipher where the cops might

break in at any moment.  Despite the beat, the flow is hot, for a poet.  If

she were an MC, it would be weak tho.



4. Lonely Can Be Sweet (music by The Mysterium) Musically, the track is

basically non-existant allowing Ursula's lyrics to be the showcase here, but

the simple looped hip-hop beat underneath just seems to drag after the first

16 measures, so 5 minutes of the same after a complex track like What a

Woman must Do is sort of a letdown.



5. Time (music by 4 Hero) Instead of the typical 4/4 beat here the vibe

switches to a 3/3 swing vibe.  After the simplicity of the music on the last

two tracks, production-wise, this is MILES ahead of what we just heard.  At

about the 2 minute mark, it switches up into a hot drum and bass beat and it

suits her flow perfectly and she even feels and sounds much more comfortable

over this tricked out beat on shrooms.  The way the song builds up to this

point is loverly and definitely a stand out track on the album.



6. Q & A (music by The Society) Keeping with the more forward thinking

breakbeat-esque vibe but with a FUNKY bassline to go along with it, Ursula

flows like water over this beat.  HOT TO DEATH!  This wouldn't be out of

place on a Nuspirit Helsinki or Kyoto Jazz Massive album.  Definitely

turning the vibe up a notch on the album at this point and I'm left

wondering what took her so long?



7. Release (music by Little Louie Vega) What can you say, Little Louie Vega

brings the Afro- Latin house rhythms but what makes this track so great is

there are no drums at all, just keyboards, strings, and congas and it's hot

without the heavy bass or house beats or dope ass Masters at Work sound that

he's known for.  This track is real hot and immediately was put on repeat. 

Whatever is on the rest of the album can wait because I have to hear this

one again.  The only reference to the album title is in this track, still

not sure if there is some overall theme that 'Silver or Lead' represents.



8. I / We (music by Tim Motzer & Rob Yancey)  After taking to this hype

dancefloor feeling that has everyone and their momma within earshot up on

their feet, we get the rug taken out from under us.  Like those dope ass

beats and tracks we just heard were just for fun, so the vibe goes  back to

mellow, and rather simple hip-hop beats.  But it's cool, because it has that

eerie Portishead vibe like we heard on the first track.



9. Damned If I Do (music by The Mysterium) break it waaaaayyyy down..... no

wwwaaaaaaayyyyyyy down..... yeah, right there..... okay, that's where this

track is.  smoky jazz club banger with vocalist bellowing soul in the

background as a compliment to the sensual Rucker keeping it in the pocket.



10. Return of Innocence Lost (music by The Roots) Straight poetry.  not out

of place at the end of a Roots album. Musically, it's like a smooth lullaby

or music box playing while Ursula drops some serious, not for yo momma

lyrics addressing sex, pregnancy, bleeding, kids, pain, shame, sexual

abuse.... like whoa... heavy, heavy, heavy lyrically, be ready.



-C

haircuts are your friend

FINALLY!



This brotha who I have seen in and around the building for the past 3 years

decided to cut his tail.  He is balding and I'm sure that the 5" braided

piece of napiness tucked into his collar gave him some sort of solace and

allowed him to avoid coming to grips with his impending baldness.  Today I

saw him without the tail.  I worry about my fellow brethren here in Chicago

sometimes, wearing the matching shoes, jersey, hat, wristband combo like

it's a military uniform, but today I have hope.



-C



CD of the moment: Miles Davis - "Big Fun"

What's up with Cali?

what they doin' in Cali?????



Yall's shit must have been all kinds of jacked up to overwhelmingly elect

the Terminator to run things.



At least Gary Coleman is in the top 10:



Arnold Schwarzenegger          Rep   3,694,436   48.5

Cruz M. Bustamante             Dem   2,421,319   31.8

Tom McClintock                 Rep   1,014,895   13.4

Peter Miguel Camejo            Grn     211,595    2.8

Arianna Huffington             Ind      42,442    0.6

Peter V. Ueberroth             Rep      21,999    0.3

Larry Flynt                    Dem      15,350    0.3

Gary Coleman                   Ind      12,631    0.2

George B. Schwartzman          Ind      10,880    0.2

Mary Cook                      Ind      10,017    0.2



But all this did make me think that its about that time to start getting

political again.  Folks are already dropping out of the democratic race and

I haven't taken the time to get into any of them.  So let's get political

together.  I want to be able to say, "I did my part" so I'm going to try to

school myself (and y'all) on each of the candidates that are remaining, add

a little bit of my poignant commentary and hopefully we'll come up with who

folks should support.



So we have:



Sharpton - the angry black man

Mosely Braun - the proud black woman

Kucinich - the left leaning liberal

Dean - the fiery anti-war guy from Vermont

Lieberman - the Jew without a chance

Edwards - the young good looking guy

Clark - the four star general

Kerry - the very uncool guy existing game.

Gephardt - even more uncool guy



I'm going to take a look at these guys (minus lieberman and Gephardt) and

break it down for us all in a way we can all understand, without all of the

rhetoric and bullshit, just poetically waxing the straight dope for y'all,

knowhumsayin'?



I don't know shit about any of them really, so if you have opinions on any,

or have a reason to support one over the other, let me know, but I think we

all have to choose and we all have to vote, and we can't make an informed

decision without information.



-C



CD of the moment - Los Amigos Invisibles - "The Venezuelan Zinga Son Vol. 1"

Googlism on Curtis

Have you done this Googlism thing yet?  where you put your name in and see

what pops out?



Well, I googlism.com'd myself (being a self-involved megalomaniac and etc)

and i was very amused by the little one-liners that came back re: me.



The Curtis Award for Devotion to Learning:

http://www.bitsofhistory.com/ace/ccaward.html



Curtis born in 1747:

http://rmeservy.byu.edu/cgi-win/pafweb.exe/CGI?Petersp~4697



Curtis the skydiver:

http://www.wildwindskydivers.com/Curtis.htm



Curtis' son who drowned in a mental institution:

http://www.geocities.com/cityfan01/steffibrewster



I'm guessing that googlism.com is an offshoot of google (which has kind of

gone downhill as of late, I hate to say, with more and more responses

seemingly going to companies as opposed to institutions that serve the

public interest).



I think I might go and googlism.com 'taco' to see what comes up. something

delicious, i'm guessing.

because tacos are great.



If you can find someone who doesn't like tacos they will, most likely, be a

serial killer or an evil robot alien pretending to be a human.



In fact the 'taco test' might be a good way of identifying serial killers

and inhuman robot-aliens before they do bad things.



kind of like the beginning of 'blade runner'.



-C



CD of the moment: Joss Stone - "Soul Sessions"

weekend wrap up

9.19



People who dont drink scare me.



Not recovering alcoholics...they get a pass.

If you dont drink due to religious reasons, you get a pass too.



But if you're just a regular person, over the age of 21, and you never touch

alcohol, it just kinda makes me wonder.  Its like I see them as close-minded

or something and inherently judgemental, and im just kind of weirded out by

it.  This stems from an encounter at happy hour on Friday where this girl

just said, "I don't drink." and had no apparent reason for it.



This is not to say that everyone should go out boozin and get hammered every

weekend...but if i ask you if you'd like one beer at happy hour on a Friday

or a glass of wine w/dinner and you say



"I dont drink"



I'm gonna wonder. Ill even ask if there's a reason.



So she said, "No, no reason, I just don't drink"



It kinda sketched me out a bit.  If she had a good reason, or even a shitty

one, she probably would get a pass too.  If she would've said, "I hate the

taste" or "Im pregnant" or something, then I would've understood.



But if you just dont drink alcohol for no apparent reason, I just dont

understand and it does make me wonder about you.  I know its weird, and

kinda wrong, but im just sayin...



9.20



Laying low on a Saturday night, I decide to sit outside and enjoy the nice

cool autumn Chicago breeze so I open up my back door and lo and behond on my

balcony is a big ass racoon.



................... a mother-fucking racoon I said!



What in the hell is a racoon the size of a springer spaniel doing in the

city?



So I started to close the door and I looked at it and he just stood there

like I was the one invading HIS personal space!  I don't know about you, but

being about 4 feet from a wild racoon was a rather unsettling.  Now I have

to peek out my back door before I can go outside in fear that my legs are

going to be all slashed up on some nightmare on elm street type shit...



... damn racoon....



9.21



After being holed up studying all weekend (well, not really, but that was

the intention), I decided to get out of the house and went downtown to the

new H & M store to see all the half dressed chics caught up in this 80's

revival walking around.  Then I decided to pop into the Virgin megastore and

on my way out riding down the escalator from the second floor I see R.

Kelly.



Full entourage and all just shopping for some DVD's.  He's a lot smaller in

person.  I thought about walking around the long way, but I thought to

myself that I shouldn't have to take the long way just because the

pissmaster himself and 5 dudes with no necks are taking up the main walkway

right!? So I walk the way I normally walk and approached the group and said,

"coming through......" and brushed shoulders with the R. once the bodyguards

moved out of the way.



At the register I asked the woman behind the counter if she could make an

announcement telling all the parents to make sure their kids are close by,

but she wouldn't do it.



-c



CD of the moment: Los Amigos Invisibles - "Venezuelan Zingason vol. 1"

no longer an ass-man

I have a proclamation to make.

"I am no longer am a fan of big asses"

I now love small/medium sized frames that have nice onions.

I was a big assed fan all my life.

Now the joy is gone........

I'm attributing this to the fact that I'm getting older and I'm starting to consider what that big ass will look like in 20, 15, or 10 years.

I must start to become more selective in my choice of ass attractiveness.

-c

more, on being black by YOU

big meeting is tomorrow, I'll let you all know how it went.  Thanks a

lot for all of the comments and support.  It's not like I don't know this

shit exists or know how to handle it, it simply serves as good life

experience to write about, talk about, bring to the attention of others and

make people think about how they would handle the same situation.  More than

anything, I hope that by sharing how others feel about the situation, it can

show you (as it showed me), these things happen to a lot of people and

everyone handles and/or approaches the situation differently.  Here are some

of the replies I received on this one....



CD of the moment: Giles Peterson - "Worldwide Programme 3"





-----------------

Hmmmm, a tricky task. I'd say you have to use what you have to rise to the

top. And if that means you have to use your expertise at being black then so

be it. I think that the good ole boy network is in existence and although

the world is changing some things will always be the same. (At least in our

lives) SO put your best black face forward and "tap dance" until the project

is won by your firm.

------------------

What little minds there are in this world.



I think it's a question of what you feel comfortable doing. Will not going

affect your position in the firm (though you're trying to move forward)? If

so, then go. But make everyone aware that you are being brought into the

meeting at the last minute--make this situation benefit YOU. Who knows what

connections the other folks in the room may have... It's definitely WRONG of

your boss to approach you in that manner. And adding about 'catering to the

client' is crap. It's insulting and makes the firm look racist as a whole.

So be sure to come out on top whatever you decide. Don't let someone else's

ignorance fall on you my friend :)

------------------

After the okie doke. . . Hit em' with the rope a dope. Go to the meeting do

your thing and throw a spin on it which puts your boss in a corner and let

them have. Be subtle of course, but weave into the presentation how you

found out why you were chosen at the last minute. Your boss is left dazed

and confused and you are able to exact some form of revenge for your years

of neglect.



You may want another job lined up after that. . . I'll let you handle the

mundane details of course.



Curt, you are going to have to stick it to them before you go. If not for

you then for MLK, Malcolm X, Crispus Attucks, Amadou Diallo, Medgar Evers,

Prince Jones, Rodney King, Jackie Robinson, and the first African who told

the slave trappers "Fuck you, you fuckin fuck", "I ain't goin no

mutha-fuckin place on anybody's mutha-fuckin boat bitch".

---------------------

you've already committed yourself to presenting this project so I would go.

Once you are done, you politely get into a conversation of how you felt it

was inappropriate and in the future to not include you on presentations that

you were never involved. You can talk to this guy about this situation

without making waves, but I would make waves.



--------------------------

It depends on how much you want to flex your muscles. Do they need you more

than you need them? Are you willing to ask them to prove it? For lack of a

better phrase, are you ready to put your dick on the table? I think you are.



They are using you, your skin color, and most importantly, your HU (read

black) degree. (They probably won't even bother to mention where you went to

grad school.) Let them use you. Let them use you like a $2 crack ho.

Emphasize how much of a team player you are. Find out as much as you can

about the client guy so that you'll dazzle the rest of team with your

ability to impress the client.



What do you want in return? More challenging, more high-profile project

assignments? A better cube/desk? A promotion? A raise? (Be careful. Raises

are difficult to get in these situations because it makes the employer feel

like it's a bribe.)



I would shoot for a slight promotion. Nothing too visible to make the

non-union (read anybody who isn't black) employees feel nervous. You don't

want a showy move to the next level. You just want to move into a position

with access to better projects and a slightly better salary. Emphasis on the

projects, so they won't feel like they're being bribed. But the money is a

necessity.



If you think they might have the balls to counter with a threat to fire you,

consult an employment attorney in your area. Have an attorney in your back

pocket before you make your move. Need to know how to find an employment law

attorney? Look in the local newspaper archives for stories of recent

lawsuits. Contact the winning attorney in the cases. Try to have a

consultation before you make your move.

------------

Oh, i can't begin 2 tell u just how many times i've been in this situation

in MY white agency i call a job.. I usuallly go w/ much attitude but when i

get there show them mo'fos why i'm paid as much as i am and why i'm so damn

good despite being black, and woman, letting them know that hey.. i know my

shit, no matter what color and gender i am.. take that.shit (that's normally

the expression on my face and i know this) ..sometimes unfortunately u're

just gonna have to go and suck it up but while u're there.. let yo shit

SHINE like the northern star...and let them know u're not only there cuz

u're a brotha but u're a brotha who got his shit together.. Now, make sure u

wear a really nice Armani suit and u're looking so good when u walk down the

streets of Chitown.. a photographers gonna want 2 take yo photo for Code

Magazine..Wear that confidence that all brotha have and just handle yo

bizness cause when it's all over.. u still gotta work w/ those racist ass

white folks..and they still help u pay the bills..



--------

well.....now your job has definitely been confirmed to have issues. i

understand his point from a management perspective but at the same time, i'd

be concerned that that is the only reason why he asked you to be involved.

how does he really feel about you and "your talent"? why weren't you asked

in the beginning? are others more skilled or more experienced that are on

the project? if not, and you are getting screwed from participating in other

projects, i would think that it is appropriate to confront your boss (me not

knowing if he can have a rational professional conversation) about your

desire to move forward and get more involved, etc.....otherwise maybe you

need to find a firm that more closely matches your personality, design

influence, and general atmosphere that promotes learning and growth. you may

even have to relocate to find this.......



------------

Even the actors who played Amos and Andy paved the way for future

generations. Just do the best you can, don't forget who you are and what

you're about and make them pay later.

----------------

Curt, do the dance they want you to do. At the same time take the

opportunity To introduce yourself personally to the client. More than likely

He's been where your at right now, he's been the token, he knows the game.

Maybe go as far as to ask the guy for a lunch date, to get inside his head.

At the same time don't overshadow your boss, white folks are extremely

Sensitive to anyone stepping on there toes.

-----------------

what to do next will strongly depend on what you want. do you wnat to stay

at the job? do you want to stay in chicago? are you ready to go out on your

own? when are you ready to go out on your own?

the reason i say that is because this can easily be turned to your

advantage. if you are eager to go out on your own in a year or two, then let

these crackers talk you up. let them shower you with accolades.



If possible, talk more with your boss to see how much he is gonna give you

props, and how much he will let you in on this project, probably your boss

will just want you to sit behind him while he and his team talk it up, but

if you talk to your boss and somehow get it across to him that 'we black

folk' can get offended if we see beyond the facade of bringing in the 2

black folk that work for the company just to sit in the room because he's

black, you may be able to get more info about the project then he would be

otherwise willing to share.



the next move depends on 'shaft of the architecture world'. all he would

need to do is ask you a question.......any question. any self-respecting,

race-card caryying, member of teh african-american race would be wondering

if the two black faces represented 100% of the companies minority staff. if

he had any balls what so ever he would have to ask the black guys a question

to see if they are really on board with this project, or if it is what it

is.........a desperate pitiful attempt to use us for money. you know you can

also prompt a question by putting on the occasional perplexed look like,

"really, i had no idea that wall was going there".



now here comes the tough part, when that question comes, it will be

something basic about the project, but also a chance to let your wit

through. because if you can get him to have a reserved laugh, you are

golden. don't say some dumb shit though that will make him crack up, but

think of you as a joker, because then he won't blame the crackers for not

giving you more of a part the project.



you can do it man, i'm sure i haven't told you anything you don't know. i

gotta roll out man, i holla later.

i think if this is the route you go, with the goal of getting business from

this black guy in the future you need to know all the facts, but i'm sure

you know if you play this wrong this could seriously backfire............

-----------



As far as a moral call, I'm not going to make one yet, but I do know that a

lot of different people are asked to participate in certain ways, to relate

with future clients. When putting a team together, one wants to relate to

the prospect. I know for example, that in the past with Asian prospects, we

may send someone from that area of the world, good 'ol' boy clients ...we'll

send someone like that, Jewish clients well we'd send them if we could, but

we're looking to hire someone.... J/K  not really.



I know this is a personal issue for you and I think some times you may be

over sensitive.. and rightfully so. I think you're right, that is exactly

why they are asking you, because you're a good face person.



I think you're the only one who can make a moral judgment as to what goes on

in your group and how you are treated as a result. I think you need to make

a stand one way or the other on that moral judgment.



You are apart of the machine or you're not.



If you support the organization, think they have good intentions, and want

your face and name associated with this machine, GO, sell it, and work with

it.



If you don't support this approach, feel that you are being treated unjustly

and that there is a race card being played against you, don't go, and handle

the situation accordingly.



"Measure a man not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience,

but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy."

M.L.K.

on: ass games, by YOU

I had to share.  Some of you had me rolling with your response to my little

rant on ass pleasure.



Here ya go.



-c





-------------------

Curt,



You my man 50-grand and all, but did I read you correctly? Did you just send

me a how-to on sticking my finger in a man's ass? While I am very well aware

of the merits of the P-spot, couldn't the goal be accomplished with a

delicate, petite dildo or vibrator?



I need to take valium before I handle raw chicken. Imagine how medicated

(read Grey Goose) I'd have to be in order to handle .....

------

this is not news to me :-)

by the way, i don't think any of my fingers are 3 inches long, so whatever

dude is talking about, he's either been with some women with "man hands" or

his ass is gay.

so is the next chronicle gonna be about cock rings? what about nipple

clamps??

let em aaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll see how freaky

you are :-0



...................................well, at least those of us who don't

already know..........................



------



you know, now you've got me sitting here thinking about sex. (not that i

don't usually think about it) but anyway, specifically i'm thinking about

how sex is such a beautiful thing. i need to start having it more often. i'm

making that my august 20th, 2003 resolution. sex on a regular basis. it's

just necessary, you know?



------



I hear you Curt. The brother's be fronting like they don't like it, but let

a woman start to lick and suck and they'll be begging for more.. hahahahaha

I agree from what I've seen, the stubborn brothers that are not down are

just missing out on a wonderful good time. Their Loss!

---------



Oh, so in order to keep my man from feeling as if he's journeying into "gay

territory", I'm supposed to take my finger into shit territory? Seeking

pleasure shouldn't make a guy feel gay-ish, should it?



-----------

Oh yeah, and as far as a woman playin' with a guy's ass, I've done it with

my ex-boyfriend and he loooooved it but was afraid to admit it to any of his

friends because he thought that they would think something was wrong with

him. Once I explained to him that it is the male "G-Spot" he felt better.

Anyway, more men should experience it and admit to its pleasure without

thinking that they are gay. Good for you!



---------------------



just please trim those ass hairs and WASH properly. There are tones of

stories about men and their poop balls dangling from their ass hairs.

I'm an expert at being black

So one of the bosses comes by around 3pm and says, "Can I talk to you for a

minute?"

I go over to his desk and he starts telling me all about this big

presentation that he wants me to be involved in for a project we're going

after. Explains the entire project to me and asks if I'd like to be

involved.



I'm feeling a little suspect because the asian contingent have been working

on this proposal for about 3 weeks now, then all of a sudden I'm being asked

to come to a presentation to present something I have no idea about. I say,

"Sure" and he says he'll pick me up at 6:30am the next day etc.... If it was

left at that, I wouldn't have known anything was up.



But since I have some facetime with the boss, I decide to shoot the shit for

a bit, talk about how important this project would be for the office, blah

blah blah...



Then I decided to utilize a trick my father taught me, by giving him an

opportunity to say good things about me. I ask, "So what made you want me to

be involved at the last minute?"



He goes into this whole speech about how talented I am, blah blah, blah.

THEN drops the bomb on me. "It is important that we show this client that we

have a diverse staff" and shows me who we're presenting to and the main

decision maker is a black man.



Then, thinking that he 'gets it' humbly states how fucked up it is that we

have to cater to our clients and bring along experts in specific things that

will make the client believe that we are perfect for them regardless of

whether or not we are.



I guess I'm an expert at being black and that is why I'm being asked to

speak at the presentation.



I got okie doked and I'm pissed. Because he knew if he would've asked me to

come be black, I would've said no.



Presentation was cancelled until next week, I'm contemplating my next

move...... what would you do?



-c



CD of the moment: Verve Remixed 2

on: masturbation

pulled this off of the news......



"LONDON - Frequent masturbation, particularly in the 20s, helps prevent

prostate cancer later in life, according to new research.  Australian

scientists have shown that the more men masturbate between the ages of 20

and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease that kills more than

half a million men each year.



They suspect that frequent ejaculation has a protective effect against the

cancer because it prevents dangerous carcinogens from building up in the

gland. "The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around

and damage the cells that line them," Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council

Victoria in Melbourne, told New Scientist magazine on Wednesday.



In a survey of 1,079 prostate cancer patients and 1,259 healthy men, Giles

and his team discovered that men who ejaculated more than five times a week

in their 20s were a third less likely to develop an aggressive form of the

disease. "



see! jocelyn elders was right! Spank that monkey!





on another note, my friend Mimi is reading a book about the mating and

reproductive habits of other species, and she forwarded me some of the more

interesting ones, which i, in turn, will now pass on to you to read, as I

complete this very long run-on sentence, thank you very much:



"There is a species of worm where the male is 200,000x smaller than the

female and he insemenates her by being inhaled through her nose.



There is a kind of squid where the male dislodges his penis and projects the

whole thing into the side of the female and it becomes a part or her body.



In Japanese Macaques (monkeys) the males and females will fight to have sex

with a particularly sultry female, and the females masturbate themselves

with their tails.



Oragutans make sex toys out of leaves and branches.



Sand sharks have intrauterine cannibalism where one fetus will eat his

brothers and sisters in utero.



Spiders have one penis on each side of his mouth



Marine iguanas masturbate themselves whenever a female passes by so that

they are closer to ejaculation if they happen to get a chance to mate. 

Apparently they will notoriously knock each other off while mating so the

quicker a male deposits his genetic material the more likely he is to

fertilize the eggs and so they've evolved to masturbate.



One fly, called a midge, liquifies her mate's innards and sucks him dry

while they mate - sex and a meal in one."



so the next time that you find yourself despairing about sex and romance

among us humans (and yes, it is grammatically correct to say 'us humans' in

this sentence) just be glad that you're not a liquified male midge fly.



-c



CD of the moment - Dubtribe Sound System - "Baggage"

Who is Curtis?

So, who is Curtis?



I’ll tell you.



Curtis wrote all the messages in fortune cookies

Curtis won a BET award for best video

Curtis defeated all of the Iron Chefs

Curtis sings Duran Duran in his sleep

Curtis is the keymaster

Curtis is the reason for the season

Curtis fu*ked every female from A Different World

Curtis sheds skin once a year

Curtis is the best thing since sliced bread

Curtis stole the cookie from the cookie jar

Curtis is “the man”

Curtis loves the hoes

Curtis knows the hoes love him back

Curtis can walk on water

Curtis loves it when you call him ‘big pa-pa’

Curtis will be a new crayola crayon color

Curtis dials 1-800-CALL-ATT

Curtis loves plain ballpark hot dogs

Curtis is broke. always.

Curtis won’t donate his stem cells

Curtis has never had a jheri curl

Curtis will win the CA recall election

Curtis created cotton candy

Curtis broke up SWV

Curtis version 4.3 is now available

Curtis is made with no MSG

Curtis can pop lock

Curtis occasionally gives money to the homeless

Curtis ignores the homeless most of the time though

Curtis never flinches

Curtis sips Crystal with Rosa Parks

Curtis loves broccoli, but hates the word broccoli

Curtis needs a new muffler on his car

Curtis fixed the ’03 blackout with a rubber band

Curtis kicks people in the chest real hard

Curtis is the only word that rhymes with orange

Curtis handed Bill Clinton the cigar

Curtis misses the light brown colored M&M’s

Curtis spelled backwards is sitruC

Curtis eats rocks for breakfast and shits concrete

Curtis loves disco

Curtis never lost at Operation.  Never.

Curtis can’t swim very well

Curtis funked up your bathroom on the way out

Curtis ate the last piece of chicken

Curtis never orders chicken in restaurants

Curtis is forever.



now you know.



-c





CD of the moment: Goapele

on: prostate stimulation

I'm going to get a little down and dirty with this one.... I've been absent

for awhile so for my return it's going to be like BAM!!!  Where the fuck has

he been???  and What the fuck has he been doing???  Nah, it aint' like that,

but I've been wanting to breach this subject for a long minute, just haven't

been able to put together the right words, so.... I'm just going to use

someone else's.



The following is a post from okayplayer.com (the Roots website) that I

thought I would share with you:



-----------------



"For those who want to learn.



Enlightened men understand that prostate stimulation is intensely

pleasurable (the prostate has sometimes been called the “P-Spot” to draw a

parallel with women’s “G-Spot”), and those men overwhelmingly prefer

prostate stimulation by the person they find sexually attractive. A straight

man wouldn’t find having his prostate stimulated by another man any more

appealing than a gay man would find having his prostate stimulated by a

woman. Orgasm aided by prostate stimulation is said to be mind-blowing and

unparalleled in its intensity.



So, what is this area of supreme manly ecstasy? The prostate gland, or

“P-Spot,” which is stimulated through anal penetration. In fact, men get two

bonus features from anal stimulation. As well as the P-Spot, the bulb of the

penis can be caressed via the anus, which some men have described as feeling

like masturbating from inside. Who would turn that down?



Studies range in their findings, but the 1990 Kinsey New Report on Sex found

that only 50 – 60% of gay men had tried anal sex and only about 30% of them

practiced it regularly. On the other hand, the results of five recent

surveys indicate that 20 – 45% of women regularly practice anal sex. Did you

see that statistic? Only about 30% of gay men engage in anal sex regularly.

On the other hand, virtually ALL gay men engage in fellatio (giving or

receiving). Why is it that we never ask whether a straight man who likes

blow jobs is really gay?



How To:

To stimulate his prostate, insert a finger about three inches into his anus

and rectum and gently massage by moving your finger in the direction of his

navel. Don’t poke. Just stroke it gently. You may not be able to

differentiate the prostate, especially during early arousal stages, or you

may be able to feel something like a walnut sized piece of gristle. Gently

explore and massage. And don’t ignore his penis. Try every variation –

P-Spot stimulation during a blow job, while stroking his dick with your

other hand, and during intercourse. Ladies: Remember to use the same

preparation and gentleness that you want him to use when sticking a finger

in your ass. Gentlemen: Feedback is essential. Let her know where and when

it feels good."



---------------------------------------





hmmmm.......





hmmmmm...........





.............









hmmmmmmmm.......



okay.



I'm a proud heterosexual man...... I can do this......





......





I am proclaiming to the world that I like it whenever a WOMAN plays with my

ass.



When approached as an extension of head, the feeling from having your ass

licked is a beautiful thing.  But, when she starts trying to put that finger

in, my ass behaves like a guillotine.  However, I can with all the

masculinity I have admit that I enjoy a little fondling of my shit hole. 

Especially, as mentioned above, during a blow job.... that shit is fucking

tits.  BUT, for me, it's gotta be done by a woman.



Babble away, but I’m not going to engage in argument on this subject. I

won't allow the penetration, but I can see how it would feel good.  Suffice

it to say that anyone who thinks, in the face of factual evidence to the

contrary, that any man who likes anal games is gay on the DL is stubbornly

ignorant.  And I'm sorry that you are missing out.



-c



CD of the moment: Radiohead: "OK Computer" (not Annie Lennox)

on: prostate stimulation

I'm going to get a little down and dirty with this one.... I've been absent

for awhile so for my return it's going to be like BAM!!!  Where the fuck has

he been???  and What the fuck has he been doing???  Nah, it aint' like that,

but I've been wanting to breach this subject for a long minute, just haven't

been able to put together the right words, so.... I'm just going to use

someone else's.



The following is a post from okayplayer.com (the Roots website) that I

thought I would share with you:



-----------------



"For those who want to learn.



Enlightened men understand that prostate stimulation is intensely

pleasurable (the prostate has sometimes been called the “P-Spot” to draw a

parallel with women’s “G-Spot”), and those men overwhelmingly prefer

prostate stimulation by the person they find sexually attractive. A straight

man wouldn’t find having his prostate stimulated by another man any more

appealing than a gay man would find having his prostate stimulated by a

woman. Orgasm aided by prostate stimulation is said to be mind-blowing and

unparalleled in its intensity.



So, what is this area of supreme manly ecstasy? The prostate gland, or

“P-Spot,” which is stimulated through anal penetration. In fact, men get two

bonus features from anal stimulation. As well as the P-Spot, the bulb of the

penis can be caressed via the anus, which some men have described as feeling

like masturbating from inside. Who would turn that down?



Studies range in their findings, but the 1990 Kinsey New Report on Sex found

that only 50 – 60% of gay men had tried anal sex and only about 30% of them

practiced it regularly. On the other hand, the results of five recent

surveys indicate that 20 – 45% of women regularly practice anal sex. Did you

see that statistic? Only about 30% of gay men engage in anal sex regularly.

On the other hand, virtually ALL gay men engage in fellatio (giving or

receiving). Why is it that we never ask whether a straight man who likes

blow jobs is really gay?



How To:

To stimulate his prostate, insert a finger about three inches into his anus

and rectum and gently massage by moving your finger in the direction of his

navel. Don’t poke. Just stroke it gently. You may not be able to

differentiate the prostate, especially during early arousal stages, or you

may be able to feel something like a walnut sized piece of gristle. Gently

explore and massage. And don’t ignore his penis. Try every variation –

P-Spot stimulation during a blow job, while stroking his dick with your

other hand, and during intercourse. Ladies: Remember to use the same

preparation and gentleness that you want him to use when sticking a finger

in your ass. Gentlemen: Feedback is essential. Let her know where and when

it feels good."



---------------------------------------





hmmmm.......





hmmmmm...........





.............









hmmmmmmmm.......



okay.



I'm a proud heterosexual man...... I can do this......





......





I am proclaiming to the world that I like it whenever a WOMAN plays with my

ass.



When approached as an extension of head, the feeling from having your ass

licked is a beautiful thing.  But, when she starts trying to put that finger

in, my ass behaves like a guillotine.  However, I can with all the

masculinity I have admit that I enjoy a little fondling of my shit hole. 

Especially, as mentioned above, during a blow job.... that shit is fucking

tits.  BUT, for me, it's gotta be done by a woman.



Babble away, but I’m not going to engage in argument on this subject. I

won't allow the penetration, but I can see how it would feel good.  Suffice

it to say that anyone who thinks, in the face of factual evidence to the

contrary, that any man who likes anal games is gay on the DL is stubbornly

ignorant.  And I'm sorry that you are missing out.



-c



CD of the moment: Radiohead: "OK Computer" (not Annie Lennox)

on: prostate stimulation

I'm going to get a little down and dirty with this one.... I've been absent

for awhile so for my return it's going to be like BAM!!!  Where the fuck has

he been???  and What the fuck has he been doing???  Nah, it aint' like that,

but I've been wanting to breach this subject for a long minute, just haven't

been able to put together the right words, so.... I'm just going to use

someone else's.



The following is a post from okayplayer.com (the Roots website) that I

thought I would share with you:



-----------------



"For those who want to learn.



Enlightened men understand that prostate stimulation is intensely

pleasurable (the prostate has sometimes been called the “P-Spot” to draw a

parallel with women’s “G-Spot”), and those men overwhelmingly prefer

prostate stimulation by the person they find sexually attractive. A straight

man wouldn’t find having his prostate stimulated by another man any more

appealing than a gay man would find having his prostate stimulated by a

woman. Orgasm aided by prostate stimulation is said to be mind-blowing and

unparalleled in its intensity.



So, what is this area of supreme manly ecstasy? The prostate gland, or

“P-Spot,” which is stimulated through anal penetration. In fact, men get two

bonus features from anal stimulation. As well as the P-Spot, the bulb of the

penis can be caressed via the anus, which some men have described as feeling

like masturbating from inside. Who would turn that down?



Studies range in their findings, but the 1990 Kinsey New Report on Sex found

that only 50 – 60% of gay men had tried anal sex and only about 30% of them

practiced it regularly. On the other hand, the results of five recent

surveys indicate that 20 – 45% of women regularly practice anal sex. Did you

see that statistic? Only about 30% of gay men engage in anal sex regularly.

On the other hand, virtually ALL gay men engage in fellatio (giving or

receiving). Why is it that we never ask whether a straight man who likes

blow jobs is really gay?



How To:

To stimulate his prostate, insert a finger about three inches into his anus

and rectum and gently massage by moving your finger in the direction of his

navel. Don’t poke. Just stroke it gently. You may not be able to

differentiate the prostate, especially during early arousal stages, or you

may be able to feel something like a walnut sized piece of gristle. Gently

explore and massage. And don’t ignore his penis. Try every variation –

P-Spot stimulation during a blow job, while stroking his dick with your

other hand, and during intercourse. Ladies: Remember to use the same

preparation and gentleness that you want him to use when sticking a finger

in your ass. Gentlemen: Feedback is essential. Let her know where and when

it feels good."



---------------------------------------





hmmmm.......





hmmmmm...........





.............









hmmmmmmmm.......



okay.



I'm a proud heterosexual man...... I can do this......





......





I am proclaiming to the world that I like it whenever a WOMAN plays with my

ass.



When approached as an extension of head, the feeling from having your ass

licked is a beautiful thing.  But, when she starts trying to put that finger

in, my ass behaves like a guillotine.  However, I can with all the

masculinity I have admit that I enjoy a little fondling of my shit hole. 

Especially, as mentioned above, during a blow job.... that shit is fucking

tits.  BUT, for me, it's gotta be done by a woman.



Babble away, but I’m not going to engage in argument on this subject. I

won't allow the penetration, but I can see how it would feel good.  Suffice

it to say that anyone who thinks, in the face of factual evidence to the

contrary, that any man who likes anal games is gay on the DL is stubbornly

ignorant.  And I'm sorry that you are missing out.



-c



CD of the moment: Radiohead: "OK Computer" (not Annie Lennox)

Public Service Announcement

Ladies,



More than likely, all of your male friends want to fuck you.  At least once,

just to see.



that is all.



-c





CD of the moment: Jaga Jazzist - "The Stix"

Public Service Announcement

Ladies,



More than likely, all of your male friends want to fu*k you.  At least once,

just to see.



that is all.



-c





CD of the moment: Jaga Jazzist - "The Stix"

chimp riding shotgun

So I'm riding on the bus on my way to work, you know, minding my own

business, chilling on the bus, when I look over and slowly pulling up to the

side of the bus is an old, beat-up, burgundy, Honda Accord.  I don't think

anything of it, until it pulls beside me.



I look into the passenger seat of the vehicle, and there was a chimpanzee

riding shotgun.



Not, a big gorilla, ape, or one of those small monkeys, but a chimpanzee big

enough to have it's head pop up over the window as it sat in the seat.



I said, a chimp riding shotgun on the way downtown.



Where could they have been going?



I wish I would've seen the driver.



-c

Ron Isley, Jesse, Cornel West & Shaft

Chicago is flooded with tits and ass today.  I want to personally give a big

shout out to whomever it was that invented the Taste of Chicago.  Lunch was

an absolutely beautiful thing today.  Everyone is heading east towards Grant

Park, and India Arie is playing for free tonight too???!!!  Since it is so

cold here most of the year (summer just started last week), when it finally

gets hot here, women don't know how to act.  I'm not complaining though.



I thought the free Badu concert was Bohofest 2003, but I have a feeling that

tonight will be something special.  I can feel it in the air.  At Badu, it

was a straight up headwrap and Nag Champa fest.  There were more women

wearing fabric with nothing underneath than at an Indian vegetable market!



But it just seems so forced and contrived here in Chicago.  I don't know, I

saw more butts bending over, showing the top half of their ass cracks

because this fabric that is obviously being worn wrong just screams, "Hey,

look at me, I'm progressive and don't wear underwear!"  No bras, thongs

popping out the top of pants, what more could you ask for on a beautiful

sunny Chicago afternoon?



---



For my birthday (it's tomorrow bitches!), my sister came up and took me to a

concert she wanted to see.  I thought a birthday gift was a gift for the

person you're giving it to, but she never got that memo.  My sister is a

terrible gift giver.  One year she gave me CD for Christmas that I already

had.  So instead of saying well we can take it back and get you a different

one, she said, "Well give it here, I don't have it."  and kept that mother

fucker.



So she takes me to go see Ronald Isley.  It was also a part of this Rainbow

Push coalition conference so it was quite an interesting evening.



First of all, 50 year old black men think they are just the coolest mother

fuckers in the entire world.



You know how you walk by that one black owned store that every metropolitan

area has that sells suits for black men?  I always wondered where are the

guys that buy these zoot suits?  Now I know.  When they are not busy being

extras in Michael Jackson videos they're at Ron Isley concerts.  I saw more

white hats and sparkling dresses than at a black church on Easter.



The show was supposed to start at 7:30.  First up was the local radio

personality who comes out and yells "BANG BANG BANG!" to which the audience

responds, "SKEET SKEET SKEET!!"  Obviously some sort of inside joke that I'm

not a part of, I yell along on the 8th and final time.  After numerous

thanks to Michelob, passion fruit cognac wrapping paper companies and the

like, the opening band comes out.  I can get into smooth jazz and all, but

there is no need to make Prince faces while playing the guitar!!?? You're

playing smooth jazz for chrissakes!!! I was waiting for him to pull out the

lighter fluid and light his guitar on fire, because he really thought he

just played some mindblowing shit.



Next up was the DJ playing old school cuts and people dancing in the aisles.

When I came back in from getting another Jack and Coke, the crowd was up on

their feet cheering and screaming!!!  By the sound of the crowd, I thought

Jesus was on stage!  I look up and it's Jesse.



Jesse Jackson has been giving the same speech since '82.



KEEP HOPE........ ALIVE!

I AM....... SOMEBODY!

I AM....... SOMEBODY!

KEEP HOME....... ALIVE!

UP WITH HOPE....... DOWN WITH DOPE!



I mean really, do they even make dope anymore? Does anyone even still sell

dope? Or has dope just become a pseudonum for any type of drugs that are

sold in the hood?  I would hope that dealers have moved on to bigger and

better things, but I could be wrong.



So Jesse brings up Cornel West, Danny Glover, Shaft, and some children then

they present an award to Ernie Banks.  No lie.  I saw Shaft give Ernie Banks

a hug.  Then Jesse being a promoter of positivity, forces the crowd to sit

through an ear shattering performance of untalented local rap groups who are

rapping about keeping hope alive, being somebody, and are full of hope.



After more old school jams, the next group comes out................. mother

fucking CON-FUNK-SION!!!



I saw Confunksion.  They were an old school group when I was a child!! So I

know they're old now!There were like 90 people on the stage playing

instruments, all wearing sparkling suits doing synchronised dance steps.  It

was beautiful.



Finally at 11:00 Ronald Isley takes the stage looking like a fat old

under-achieving pimp.  He went through the cuts, "Between the Sheets", "It's

your thing", "Who's that lady", etc.. and you almost felt sorry for him.  It

was mostly theater, with multiple scantily clad women that wouldn't touch

Ron with a 10 foot pole dancing around him in lingerie like they all want

his body.  If it wasn't the women, it was men in suits carrying briefcases

trying to act out some sort of secret undercover spy mission on stage with

Ron being the hero.  My sister was loving every minute of it



Finally for the encore, and I can't think of anything more right to end this

evening: A guest appearance by R. Kelly.  To massive cries of approval from

the audience and a crew of young women in the front row waiting to get peed

on, he did a duet with Ron Isley.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I grabbed my

sister and we headed for the door.



-c



CD of the moment: Reggae Gold 2003

Mood of the moment: Indifferent

sideburns & co-workers

I just came back from the bathroom and realized that my sideburns are

uneven.



Like, WAY uneven.



Like, what the fuck was I thinking uneven.



...



We recently rearranged the desks in our office and I now sit next to this

loud and obnoxious kiss ass who everyone can't stand except for the boss.



So I walk in this morning and the first thing out of his mouth is, "What's

shakin' C-dawg?"



I'm not sure if he thinks he's being funny, or cool, or what, but he just

sounds utterly ignorant.  This is the same guy who has referred to arabs as

'towel heads' and purchased the 'Iraqi's most wanted' playing cards.



I mean, did he expect me to run over and 'give him some dap'? .... maybe he

thought I'd throw my hands in the air and yell, " WEST SIIIIIIIIIIIIDE UP IN

THIS BEEEEYYYAAAATTTCCCHHHH!!!!!"



he recently purchased the latest Snoop Dogg CD, so everything out of his

mouth rhymes with 'izzle'.



Headphones are my friends.



-c



CD of the moment - Jamiroquai - "The House Mixes"

lost pubic hairs

Answer me this:



How does one lose 5-7 pubic hairs during a trip to the urinal?



I can understand maybe one or even two stray hairs falling out as a result

of a late night trim up for the girlfriend who is coming in town the next

day.  But five or six?  I mean pubic hairs aren't like eyebrow hairs that

need to be plucked.  And even if they were, why get the urge to pluck them

at the urinal?



Maybe they weren't plucked, they just fall out?  I wonder if this is how

baldness happens.  The hair just starts to fall out, and before you know it,

there is none left.  Maybe people who go bald up top, also go bald down

there?  I've never seen a bald man's private area. (and have no intention

to, except for my own one day)



This really struck me as odd, and I can't figure it out for the life of me

how someone can lose that much pubic hair in a single trip to the urinal. 

It must be from multiple people.  I mean, I didn't examine them to see if

the hair follicles were all from the same person, and I didn't have my handy

pocket DNA tester, so I guess I'll never know.



I thought about something else the other day while I was watching TV late

the other night.  I was watching the rebroadcast of Oprah which comes on

around midnight here in Chicago.  I had to think about this for a minute,

but I came to the conclusion that Oprah could get it.



The thick thighs, the corny giggle, the self-assuredness, and the best thing

is that she still has that janky Southern girl in her that shows from time

to time.  Yeah, Oprah is a hottie.  I said it.



~C



CD of the moment: Curtis Mayfield - "Live in Europe"

I don't care about yo baby!!

I'm sorry.  Call me insensitive if you wish, but I do not give two ounces of

shit about a co-workers newborn baby.  I am really happy for people with

children, especially people I know that have children.  I really care and am

interested in seeing the new pictures, etc...  But for the folks at work

that I have no vested interested in, I don't give a shit.  Family member of

friend has a baby, different story.... but these fools?  Hell no.  These

MF's come in and show off their little digital baby pictures every fucking

day.



"Curtis, come here for a second.",

"Sorry, I have to get these drawings out.",

"Oh, it will only take a second. Come here real quick!"

"I really have a lot to get done here."

"Just for a second come look at these.  I just took them this morning!"



... it reaches a point where you realize that it will always be quicker to

just go and act interested rather than keep working and be honest with them

that you don't give a shit.



I'm trying to work here ya know!??  About 5-6 times a week I get called to

one of 3 newborn parents' computer to look at the latest baby pics.  I'm

tired. I mean I'm really tired.  The baby looks the same to me as it did

last week!!!  Just hit me off like once every 6 months with the highlights

of the past few months or so and I'll be straight.  But you do not need to

call me to your desk every other freakin' day to show me another photo of

your big headed alien lookalike baby!!  I don't care!!!



Wouldn't it be nice though if the conversation went like this:



"Curtis, come here for a second."

"It's not more fucking baby pictures is it?"

"Well, yeah."

"C'mon dude.  I just saw pictures on Monday.  He hasn't grown up that much

in two days! Show me next month."

"Yeah, but look what I have him dressed up in!"

"Seriously, that kid is probably pissed off you keep playing holloween with

him.  This week he's a banana, last week he's a dragon, you're going to give

that kid some fucking identity issues."





On another complete different point, women always wonder why it is so hard

to be honest much of the time.  It's really not that we aren't honest, but

more often than not, we have a pretty good inclination that you don't want

to hear our honesty.  It would more often than not, hurt your feelings, hurt

you, and we don't want to do that.  We really don't.  So believe us when we

tell you that we lie because we don't want to hurt you.  If we were always

honest, without fear of hurting your feelings, more conversations would go

like this:



Her: "So what would you like to do tonight baby?"

Me: "Can we just stay home and fu**?  Once.  For like 10 minutes?  And you

won't get upset?"



I'm not saying it would always be like this.  But sometimes, that's how it

is.  Most of the time I don't mind showering you with love and affection,

foreplay, and working it for 40 minutes (okay, 20).  But sometimes.... you

know...



Anyway, maybe it's because I don't want kids right now.  I wouldn't mind

having kids with the right person, but I want them to pop out and be like

six already so I can start taking them to their tee ball games and shit. 

The other thing that pisses me off is that once you have kids, you start to

move up in the company.  NOW all of a sudden you're grown up, can handle

more responsibility, etc... This one guy comes in with his sonogram pictures

every other week to show off that he is about to have twins. read: "There is

no way I'll be able to work as much as I have been and as a matter of fact,

I'll need some more money to take of this huge responsibility in my life."



This is what it all REALLY means.  Now you have to buy diapers every fucking

week so you need this job much more than you did before.  Now you will be

much better at kissing the bosses ass!  Whereas, a man like me, with no life

threatening ties to Chicago, no one else to support or go home and report to

if I decide to bounce.  Therefore, these new mommy's and daddy's just keep

getting pushed up into higher roles, with more work than they can handle

because the boss knows, they'll do anything to keep their job.  They can't

afford to lose it.  Me on the other hand, if they fire me, the only person

they're pissing off is Visa and Mastercard.



You want to move up on the corporate ladder boys and girls, make some

babies.



-c



CD of the moment - Lizz Wright - "Salt"  <----- Real cool, jazzy shit! 

GREAT CD!!!  I highly recommend it.