getting tested...

So, I've decided that it's been about two years since I've had a proper physical and am feeling like it's about time to get the good ole test done.

I dread it with a passion, but you know, it has to be done. It's sort of like getting tested for Aids, but worse. When you get tested for AIDS, you are forced to recollect your entire life within a period of a week, and you start remembering things and people that you had completely forgot about. That pain and suffering of waiting and wondering the first time you get that AIDS test, ain't even close to the pain that one endures when go for THE TEST.

The last time I had THE TEST, the doc pulled out a swab that was comparable to the size of a lincoln log. I asked him if he had one any smaller and he said no, but I know for damn sure they make Q-tips smaller than this piece of firewood he had in his hand.

He held it to the sky in the tradition of He-man, dipped it in what had to be 1500 proof liquor, told me "this might sting *just* a little". Then, biceps flexing, he reared back and shoved it in.

Then he twisted it.

Then he shoved it in further.

Then he twisted it again.

Then he took a nap.

What felt like three hours later, he woke up, twisted a few more times just for kicks, and yanked it out.

This is what's known as "getting a culture".

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! boy am I excited!!!!

.... maybe I'll reconsider my position on this whole physical thing and just make her go.

-C