Over the past few weeks, blogging on here has become the last thing I want to do. I’m sick of reading depressing news, the news on friends’ blogs — good and bad — shatters my emotional nerves, and while I can keep a good handle of doing small posts about everyday mundane bullshit, I can’t do anything involving serious shit any more because I've become so cynical about the world. I want to run like hell from writing this entry now. That empty feeling about writing is kicking my ass. But its mainly because my energies have been focused in much more constructive avenues.
I had a collection of things I wanted to read and write about, and I thought I wanted to do it for fun. But so many things are losing its excitement. Small things that should be secure and wouldn’t bother any average person are tearing me apart because they’re falling to shambles. I’ve been taking refuge in the mundane — huddling with my books on the way to a position that has been much more underwhelming than I had originally hoped, working out ways to keep track of my bills, scribbling idle verses, sayings and talking points on post-it notes that look magical until they’re actually thought out.
The monniker "Curtis" of the Curtis Chronicles was an alter-ego that allowed me to act ignorant and was a snapshot of the true Curtis' feelings on a case of red bull... but the line between the alter-ego and the real me has always been clear to me, but it seems others who know me believe the distinction is much less subtle....
July was the first month hadn't written a single entry since I started this and it gave me the indication of where I was at with the blog... So I guess this is a way of saying I’m going to my corner for a while as I feel like this blog has run its course. Right now, I'm planning bigger and better things online and having a written documented history of some of the obnoxious feelings I've had over the years might not be the best idea. So get yo read on because the blog will be coming down soon...
It’s easy for me to tell others what matters when blogging — to chastise them about the idea of sabotaging themselves ’cause it’s my outlet to express whatever, whenever, however — but I'm starting to feel that I can’t even do that properly anymore without reaping the consequences.
So, yeah, I’ll be back. Or not. Does it matter?
~C
