weekeend wrap up

Memorial Day weekend wrap up.

First of all, my dog died. The one we’ve had since I was like 14 years old. It’s weird how much losing a pet can fuck with you for a couple of days. So my weekend didn’t start off too good.

My E-Bay excursion had a turn for the better when I found about 75 hip-hop records in the trash. A LOT of new shit, some even unopened! The entire Cee-lo, Jay-Z, and Raekwon albums as well as a host of remixes including the Redman, Tweet remix of the new MeShell Ndgeocello song ‘Pocketbook’ and that Ben Watt house remix of Maxwell’s ‘Lifetime’. I picked out about 25 records for myself and am going to sell the other 50 on E-Bay. I can see it now: “SUPER RARE REMIX AVAILABLE AS EARLY PROMO TO SELECT DJ’S ONLY!!! YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THE CHANCE TO GET THIS ONE!!!” I’ll sell the shit out of these records. I’ll give an update as soon as I get an account setup or whatever I have to do.

I went out and got my groove on at Funky Buddha Lounge. I met up with a good friend of mine who I traveled with in Europe for a bit. She was in Chicago for the holiday weekend so we hung out and drank the night away. After I dropped her off I went out to another spot to get my dance on, but ended up doing more drinking than dancing. It had cooled off by the end of the night and I parked far as shit so I think walking to my car when I was all sweaty is what made me catch this damn cold. 6 Tylenol Sinus later, everything is STILL a bit woozy, but I’m feeling better.

The weekend ended with one of my clients at work calling me to tell me that a sexy little friend of his that I met at his birthday party a couple of months ago wants my number. But he had been holding out on me for a couple of months, so finally she is making him give me her number. She was a cutie too. I think she had some Latin in her or something exotic-like.

The shortened work week only makes the days go by slower. I’m supposed to be going to the Sox / Yankees game tonight, but this cold might get the best of me. I’ve got to get healthy because I’m going to Jamaica for the weekend. I decided to finally use some of my vacation days, so I found a last minute deal to Jamaica for the weekend. So I said ‘fuck it’ and bought it. $551 for round trip air fare and hotel. My project just ended last week so I could use the vacation.

However, now I know why it was so damn cheap: There’s a MF tropical storm on it’s way to Jamica!!! F…kin’ last minute deal my ass!!

-c

Who is "Main man"?

Who is 'Main man'?

And why does every homeless person have some sort of belief that I am this guy?

"MAIN MAN!!! MAIN MAN!!!!! MAIN MAN!!!! Can I get a dolla?"

Main man must've hooked a homelss guy up one day and now it's some sort of old wives tale that by calling people 'main man' you will trigger some sort of other being to siphon through your physical being and give a whole bunch of money.

I don't get it. Because I'm not 'main man'.

Cubs game was cool last night. It was gorgeous outside and the Cubs won. The bleacher seats at Wrigley Field are just a beer garden and nothing else. Half the people don't watch the game. They oversell the bleachers by about 3,000 people, so most of the men spend their time hanging out behind the bleachers trying to pick up the women who are just there trying to look pretty.

The good part was that I took everyone's money playing homerun derby.

The bad part was that I had to stick around afterwards to buy the drinks since I had everyone's money. And I had to stick around to give people a chance to win their money back.

The ugly is that I'm struggling at work today. I should know better than to party on a school night.

I feel like shit.

-c

5.22.2

Two revelations today.

1. I'm going to try selling things on Ebay

2. I'm going to sign up for an online dating / match service.

I figure my problem with money and women is that I'm chasing them both too hard. I need to relax for a minute and let them both come to me.

I know a girl whose wallet was stolen / lost today. That shit sucks ass for real.

the Curtis tip of the day: Hold on to your wallets.

I'm going to the Cubs game later tonight. It's like 70 now, so in about three hours it will probably be somewhere around 40 degrees. However, after a few beers, it won't matter so much.

-c

CD of the moment: Blackalicious - "Blazing Arrow"

Star Wars is terrible!!

I saw Star Wars over the weekend. It was pretty bad. The acting was the absolute worst. I don't know if it is the script or what. If you go see this movie, you HAVE to see it on one of the digital screens. It was like sitting in a room with a 1000" flat screen TV. The picture was UNBELIEVABLE! The digital graphics and all that are gorgeus and the sound is the type of thing that makes your dick hard. There are about only 50 theaters in the whole country that forked out the $200,000 to have this technology. Here is a link to the list of where these theaters are.

http://www.starwars.com/episode-ii/digitalproj_list.html

Sure there was a lot less Jar Jar Binks, but Lucas still has a way of injecting more racial stereotypes into this movie than you can shake a stick at. From the money hungry hook-nosed guy (with a Jewish accent) to Samuel Jackson being an athletic strong, and skilled Jedi, but not as smart as Yoda.... Well, no one is as bad as Yoda, but still, they didn't have to make Sam have that confused and in awe everytime Yoda spoke.

Then there are the guys in the desert who wrap their heads in rags and wear robes. There is a narrative featured on the web site about colonists moving on to their sacred land and being attacked by these savages. A couple of stereotypes seem to be at play here, a bit of Native American and a bit of Arab.

Yoda is a little cat with extremely narrow slanty eyes that sits in Zenlike surroundings cross-legged, "meditates upon" things, and speaks in haikus.

Then of course all of the heroes are these aristocratic people with British accents, and even in his limited minutes Jar Jar Binks couldn't help but serve 'massa'. His little bit of shuckin' and jivin' is pretty disgusting, but at this point, all I can do is laugh at it all.

I couldn't deal with all the crazies, so instead of standing in line way around the block, I got ghetto and cut in line towards the front so I could sit in the center near the middle of the theater. The girl I was with was all nervous and scared. I'm not sure if she'll make the team or not. She is definitely professional league material, but I'm not sure if she makes a good fit on my team.

Last night I hit the MeShelle Ndgeocello concert. Her new album is coming out soon. What I've heard of it so far is pretty tight, but I'm doubtful she won't be able to capture the magic of her live shows until she releases a live album. What I've heard from the album so far is pretty tight.

More monogamy talk is coming eventually, I'm in some sort of slump or something. With work being as busy as it is, I haven't really felt like doing shit. We're all done today with the project so I'll be back on that later this week.

Now that my project is over I'm itching to take a vacation. It would be real cool to go with one of my boys, and now the ex is trying to pop back into the picture, but what I really NEED to do is go somewhere by myself and give myself a little re-alignment. But I can't really afford to do anything, so I'm thinking it's all wishful thinking anyway....

-c

I had a great CD find this weekend:

CD of the moment : "Saint Germain des Pres Cafe Vol. 1"

I actually hung out at this cafe when I was in Paris and had a REALLY good time. So it's only natural that I have a special connection to this CD, but the music on here is phenomenal. It's French-electro-jazzy type shit. Vol. 2 just came out recently, but the first one is the one I own and is definitely worth picking up.

I don't care about Tupac

Why is that every other race of people know more about Tupac than I do? I don't really care, but it's kind of disturbing. And why is it that since we can relate to each other on a professional level, it is automatically assumed that I also must be into Radiohead, 311, and just rock music in general.

I bought my mother flowers for mother's day, which she received and said they were beautiful, then I forgot to actually call her and wish her a happy mother's day. Is it really the thought that counts?

I'm glad that the Israeli occupation of Palestine is getting more attention, but extremely bothered that no one seems to give a fuck.

Why does another 14 yr. old come forward each week and say that they hit R.Kelley off with a little coochie? Did you see the BET interview? I love the part where he said, "I haven't seen the tape.", then about 5 minutes later said, "That tape is just disgusting!" ..... um, I thought you didn't see it big R.?????

... just a couple things on my mind..

Oh, and one more bit of feedback on monogamy that I HAD to share with everyone. I'm working on some sort of conclusion, but it's just not happening. I might have to come back to it later on in the week.

-c

CD of the day is Kruder & Dorfmeister - "DJ Kicks"

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Curt,

It is all about choices. That is the bottom line. Some feel monogamy isn't natural some feel it is the only way to go. But we are all adults. Able to address a situation and make an intelligent decision. If you have a girlfriend and you cheat on her, it was not the forces of nature that made you do it. It was your greedy ass. You made a choice. Don't try to cover it up with scientific or philosophical rhetoric. The beauty of being the most advanced animals on the planet is our ability to think and reason at a high level. So to trying to compare human sexuality to animal sexuality is a little far fetched.

Yes, we all know rabbits and dogs fuck everything. But try to tell your girl the next time you come home at 4 o'clock in the morning with nut stains on your draws that your sorry but rabbits do it too. Th! at shit ain't going to work. It is about choices. It's funny to me because we try to make this such a complicated thing. As you said earlier communication is the key to commitment, monogamy, and a whole lotta other shit.

Meet a girl. Still want to fuck other girls. Tell new girl the deal. She's down, COOL. But if she is not down, now here comes the problems. Do you move on and find someone who is feeling you. No, not us men. We still date the new chick even know she said she wasn't down. Why? cause she got a phat ass, big titties, a BMW, etc. So now we got issues. Cause we still trying to fuck other women and we are doing it on the low.

So what happens, we get caught. She's mad, she cries. We feel like shit and we should cause we lied. All because we didn't communicate. Oh yes we tried. Started off with good intentions. But we ended up saying some sh! it like, I'm sorry but you know rabbits do it all the time.

Choices.

When you clutter it up with bullshit you end up with bullshit. Don't get me wrong it is a lot easier for me to say this shit now that I'm married, but at the same time I have more at stake. I can't fall into monogamy isn't natural trap. I have to believe in it, and I do.

Monogamy Feedback from U!

.......... and I thought I was crazy. Here is what YOU had to say..................

Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it. I find it interesting to see all the responses and see how some people live in a dreamlike fantasy world, others have given up, and others are still trying to figure it all out just like me.
enjoy!
-c

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i swear, sometimes i think we are on some strange wavelength......the last e-mail i sent you was sent before i read your chronicles, i've been feeling the same way lately......

i still want to feel like the "lucky one". i'm sick of feeling like i'm bringing more to the table than she is. i wanna be able to say "i have no clue why she would wanna be with me, when their are so many others out there she could pick from." as of late i! find myself saying all too often, "of course, she would want to date me, her ex beat her ass, or her ex got a record, is a drug dealer, is a herb, is an asshole, etc.." i mean, when compared to her past i'm a fucking saint.....either that or her ass is just plain ugly.

ok, when i say ugly i don't mean her looks (i simply don't date ugly women), i mean that she has marks on her personality, attitude, or outlook on life. i consider myself a pretty goal-oriented person, and if you are content with filing papers all day it pisses me off. why would you spend your life under flourescent lights when you could do so much with this short life we're given.....it seems to be a waste. i am way off the point, i'm not sure ! if i'm talking to you anymore, or all the women i know will be reading this ;). i tell you curt, we are too much alike.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that when we start getting into the levels we are at, or more importantly going, it truly gets harder and harder to find that "one" for us. why??? because the quality women have been scooped up somewhere along their path of success. so that leaves us with two options: 1) find some beautiful chickenhead and except our losses, or 2) find a young goal-oriented woman who have not found their man yet.

when you come up with your enilghtened theory of problems with monogamy lemmie know. (I’m working on it bruh. I’m working on it! –c)

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I've been dealing with some of the same issues. Interestingly enough, I had to satisfy an anthropology requirement at school. The only course offered last semester was the Anthropology of Sex. I loved this class. I highly recommend reading the book, "The Myth of Monogamy."

Humans are not monogamous by nature, we are monogamous by choice. I don't expect that I'll be any less attracted to other men, just because I decide to get married. Monogamy is a rule society has imposed so that we can tell whose kids! are whose.

Since the sexual revolution in the 1960s, it has gotten really confusing with all the baby's mamas and daddies. I find this inefficient and financially crippling. I don't date men with kids because of the residual emotional entanglements and financial commitments.

I know it sounds silly, but men are more romantic than women. I know guys who are waiting for some woman to come along who is so great that she'll make them forget about every other woman. These same guys think that someone will come along who'll be fun to be around every waking moment. This is never going to happen!

Marriage is when you hang out together a lot and fasten each other's hard to reach buttons. If you have kids, then you trade off on holding the camcorder at their Little League game or ballet recital. when your spouses hand gets tired That's what life is about.

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A couple of years ago I started this pr! oject where I started asking married couples, "What is the secret to m arriage?" The men always replied with romantic notions like love and affection. The women always replied with more practical answers like respect, friendship and shared values. I asked this question at the Thanksgiving table with my entire family present. My aunt who has been married for 40 years turned to me and said, "Marry the man who is fucking you the best. Love is good and all, but sex is essential."

I'm looking for someone who makes me comfortable around them, like I feel when I'm hanging with my really good friends. I want to be with someone I can laugh with a lot. Having kids won't work unless I can laugh through it. Good sex is important. The willingness to please me is essential. I also need someone who is secure enough to give me space. I enjoy solitude.

I won't mind it my husband goes to the strip club with his friends. Hell, I'll even break him off with a stack of! singles. I don't want static if I decide to go to Puerto Rico with ******** and ********* for the weekend. I expect that my sex life will be reduced to Saturday mornings while the kids are engrossed in cereal and cartoons.

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I suspect that flowers and romantic dinners will be few and far between. I don't buy that my life will be like a soap opera or even a DeBeere's diamond commercial. If I'm lucky it will be closer to The Cosby Show. Only I won't be home from work before my kids get home from school. (That shit was really unrealistic. You can't make partner working the hours Claire Huxtable worked!)

The question is ARE you really tired of being single? Monogamy is not for everyone. It's not to say that some aren't capable of it. It's to say they CHOOSE to go the easier route. For some marriage can be for a lifetime; for others it will be for just a little while. But like anything we feel is important in our lives, you have to WORK at it. It's committing to every aspect of the relationship and being okay when it's not all good all the time. It can be a bitch and it can be beautiful; balancing the two.

Marriage is a relationship which many taint when they aren't prepared for it. To go into a relationship hoping to change a person or thinking life is going to be flowers everyday and romantic dinners is a fallacy. You have to stay realistic. We all have our good days and our bad. The relationships we have (whether it family, friends, etc.) aren't always the best or the greatest. But we ma! ke efforts to work at correcting the wrongs and keeping those bonds solid. If we don't, then of course they break.

I understand that friends around you are marrying for good and bad. But that should not pressure you into thinking that something is not right in your life; while this may or may not be true. It may not be your time.You have to do what is best for YOU. It may be being single all your life and that's NOT a bad thing.

We live in a world where we're always racing against the clock to get married/have kids/retire and before we know it time runs out. We're left feeling like we missed out on something while trying to cover everything. We have to navigate for ourselves. No one should force themselves or another to enter into something they TRULY do not desire to be in. It's not fair to either parties. Unfortunately you see a great deal of that happening. But then there are those who are doing right by marriage.

Whether single l! ivin' it up or happily married, you need to live YOUR life to it's fullest and have very few regrets when you look back. OK I've blabbed enough!

(Yes you have my friend. Yes you have. –c)

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Dude, You have a commitment problem...plain and simple! Call it tough love but its my honest opinion
Much love

(This is why I love my friends. –c)

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Curt, I really don't know what to say to you regarding this entry. You speak so eloquently that I am at a loss for words to respond. I am at a point in my life where I don't see myself ever getting married; however, I do believe in monogamy (Go figure).

With this belief, I feel that every person has different reasons for the way they see relationships and how they equate that to their individual happiness. Would I be happy in a relationship right now....(probably).

Would I be happy knowing that it would progress to the next step... (HELL NO. My ********* cheats on his wife and she is a great person (clueless) but very special. My ********** is in a marriage where she loves her husband, but is not IN love with him and only stays because of their child. I have another *********** who has been used and abused in her relationships resulting in kids w/o a father. I won't even get into my parents. Many of us come from this dysfunctional state, which is now considered normal in many sociological publishings.

I may have strayed away from the topic, which is monogamy but every aspect of monogamy must be considered i.e. trust, respect, love, and happiness. A couple can be monogamous and not have any of these things. If monogamy leads to the next step, why aren't all of these aspects a part of the big picture. Yes, one or maybe two exist, but how many people can say that they have it all.

Until I see those things, I will remain single.

(I hear ya mayne!!! –c)

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god help you, all the woman that you have sent this to will be writing 30 page dissertations in rebuttal to this one

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You'll know that your ready to get married when all of the things you mentioned aren't even an issue. I believe in MONAGAMY.....with my wife.

It helps if you wife is hot too :-) and having friends like you helps too. You staying true to the cause:BANGING AS MANY HOE'S AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Knowing that I was able to retire from the game and live happily ever after.

Listen: If you're not married, Monogamy is bullshit and unnatural! If I weren't married I'd be trying to hit every kinda woman out there (especially now, that I got a job and some money and they're just a horny as men are). Not everyone is meant to be monogamous. Hell there are only a few animal species out there that are.

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While I admit that I have turned down sex in my relationship more than I have been turned down, I don't want a man who is in tuned to my needs as a woman. If I really wanted someone tuned in to me, I would become a lesbian. That's the beauty of being heterosexual. We crave creatures we don't understand and that makes life real interesting (fun, too).

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Something that has always fascinated me is that I tend to get horniest at the most inappropriate, inconvenient times, like during a SportCenter or a really important televised sporting event or when he's on his way out with his boys. I realize that the pervading theory is that women get horniest when their man's attention is directed elsewhere or if they caught him staring at another woman earlier that day, but I'm not an attention hound nor do I trip about my man staring at other women.

My body is just uncooperative. I also always seem to end up dating guys who like morning sex. I'm a nocturnal individual. I don't truly wake up until around 2:30 p.m. I know, I know. I don't have to be an active participant in the morning sex, but I have yet to fall in love with a man who can do the morning sex thing without moving the sheets and letting sunlight seep in under the covers And they keep wanting me to take my head out from under the pillows.

Go figure.

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WHY you so bitter......I mean dag, you got people around you like your parents that are married. Are they living foul? I seriously doubt that. You need a hug don't you......ask someone in your office. I'm sure you'll get a few volunteers :o) You see, its not like you have a problem hollering at chicks, we had 2 chicks here in the office that saw you for like 5 mins and they thought your eyes were "dreamy".

And based on what I know of your Howard days, we know that you are a man for the people.

(thank you very much! –c)

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So you have established your "worth" a long time ago. Even now compared to the brothers out there, you have the brains, talent, and maturity to offer any woman what she wants and women realize this. But you see, you are always willing to take what comes your way and hump it for a bit then move on, it is very easy for you to meet women, so it is very easy for you to get ass. That's it EASY. You take the easy route.

(Well if it’s so easy then why do end up hanging out with ‘Latino Sexpots #45’ most weekends? –c)

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Perhaps being afraid of commitment is a bit strong...but you have done it once, and there are wonderful things that a relationship has to offer, but you focus on the drama in your writing.

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It is important to distinguish between Biology and Sociology. Biologically speaking, humans are not a monogamous species. And while male humans feel the pressure to copulate with varied partners more than female humans, we aren't any more monogamous by nature.


The reason why humans, especially female humans, are socialized to form steady pairs for mating is to make it easier to know whose kids are whose.

There is also a biological explanation for why women place a greater emphasis on the emotional connection during sexual intercourse. The female human body releases hormones into the bloodstream during sexual intercourse that induces a certain feeling of attachment to their sexual partners. So basically, we're not in love with ya'll, we're high.

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Well, you know I had to respond to this. Cheating is a gray area, but there are some general rules. When you've verbally made the agreement to keep the relationship exclusive, it's a commitment. Folks who like to break it down to various degrees are just finding ways to condone the wrong they feel they're doing. "Well, I only kissed him once or we only had sex one time and it meant nothing". It's cheating.

Conscience is getting to them. I disagree with the notion that women believe cheating to only be about sex. If anything, more men believe that to be true. Cheating's when one of the "committers" steps out of that relationship/agreement and connects with another. It can be physical, emotional or verbal.

(verbal cheating?? –c)

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If there is an action one is doing that has to be "kept away" from the significant other, then it's cheating. Because it's saying that you are not comfortable sharing that part of you with the person you are committed to. Now this doesn't mean one can't privately meet with your wife's/girlfriend's friend to plan a surprise for her. !

(so if it’s all about you, it’s not a problem… right….. –c)

Or hang out with the boys and do the things you do. An example is on this show "King of Queens". There was a situation where one of the married guys started to meet with an old friend for dinner; without sharing this with wifey. Over time these dinners and intimate conversations became very important to him. He even asked his friend to refrain from sharing this activity with his wife.

Why, if it's not cheating. No sex was involved, but the emotional bond was there on both ends. He kept his involvement a secret. It was cheating. People can be in relationships outside the exclusive, but "awareness" of the other relationships is the difference. Many people don't realize that being intimate with someone is not just the act of sex. It's ma ny things. It's close interactions - physical or verbal with someone.

We all fantasize and look; we're human. But it's acting on those impulses. If you want to dibble dabble then do it FREELY without the ties. But if you make the commitment, STICK to it! THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA! I know I'm everywhere on this, but it's how I'm feeling.

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We're all trying to figure it out while we live actually, i came to that realization after i broke up with ************ the last time. i figured that i wanted to keep myself free until a woman came along that just knocked me right on my ass, then everything would be good. it didn't happen. don't think i haven't been looking either, because i have but there is something wrong with EVERY chick that i come across, i really don't get it. think about how many women you pass in just one day.........to have to realize that not one of them is worth !
my time is a very scary thought.

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like you, I feel like many women out there are very fuckable, but that's not what i'm looking for anymore. of course i need physical stimulation, but to have emotional stimulation, with financial and emotional stimulation is just asking for too much. Cheating to me is more than just physical it is about the connection between two people.. There is no gray area..

You know you have cheated when you can't tell your partner about a certain situation that occurred with someone else out of fear of losing what you have.. Or what the other person thought they had.. People can make so much more out of a situation than what it really is.. We get so caught up in how we feel, what makes us feel good, who looks good, who strokes our ego... I could go on and on..

What we seem to forget is that those are the things that should make up your relationship as well as a case full of others.. Lets try loyalty, respect, faith, love, commitment, mutual goals and aspirations.. See these are the things that you have with the one you l! ove.. And I wish that I could write this across the sky...

WHEN YOU HAVE THOSE THINGS WITH SOME ONE YOU LUST FOR THEM MORE...Yes boys and girls, you actually feel more attraction for them because you are connected by not just physical appearance but more on a spirtual level.. Please... I'll stop now because I think what I said just in the previous sentence is a moutain for some people to digest.. Not to just read...Please pass on for the good of mankind..

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dude.........your full of shit. but you make your shit sound sooo good!!!

my squad is weak

My squad is weak, and the current draft class is nothing to brag about.

I remember the days my team used to have that one player who comes through when shit gets REAL dry... I like to call mine the power forward. she comes in, gets dirty in the paint, cleans up the boards, scores, then goes back to the bench with no hassles. I used to have one, they're like those ‘laundry drawz’, the underwear you only break out when you absolutely positively have to...

But that’s not all I need. I’m literally working with a scab team during a strike. It’s terrible. Right now, I think my team needs the most is a good walk-on, a player who will come through after 11 and leave before 5, a player who knows their role and is a willing participant. This is not to be confused with a role player because the walk-on, as stated before, fits the mold in some ways of your power forward; that is to say that some fool might try to sign her, but you ain't that fool. But you’re willing to work with her, ashy booty and all. The key to building a successful franchise is getting the right role players to complement your all ! stars, sometimes Jordan and Pippen gotta go to the bench for a breather and you gotta call in Paxson, Stacy King or Kerr for a few quality minutes.

What’s so sad is that some woman will probably read this and take offense knowing good and well she got a call friday night at 11:07pm to play the walk-on role and didn’t hesitate to show and blow and dip before first light. So sad, so sad indeed. You don't have to agree with my statements for your own life choices, but 9 out of 10 freelance gynecologists can't be wrong, women dig it just as much as men do.

Being in Chicago without a good knowledge of the talent pool has brought me to the realization that I’ve gotta start recruiting again..... but wait! I said I was going to look for "real love" this time.......damn that.....we're in the finals and I NEED a reliable squad!

But I also need a go to guy, someone who will get you those points when you need ‘em bad, w/ the game on the line you want the ball in his hands. I’m talking about a serious PTPer, someone whose cleavage speaks fluent ‘ass english’, and that is her SECOND language! I’m starting to feel like the team concept ain’t what it used to be, and I need to start clearing room under the salary cap to make room for the superstar. Real love ain't cheap, shiiiiit that's the franchise player right there. So far, I’ve only seemed to draft third tier CBA players who would be better off in the W! BA (World Basketball Association).

My boys may never know about my walk-on, they may have spied her in passing, but she is never on public display nor does she speak of her role in open forum... trust me, the walk-on is not top tier (unless it's an ex, but that's another chronicle right there), she's like your uncle’s old Buick LeSabre, not luxurious, not much to look at, but reliable whenever, wherever... Where’s Craig Hodges when you need him?

…. I’ve had the realization that I’m in a state of rebuilding the team for quite a while now, but I never expected it to take as long as the Bulls.

-c

CD of the moment: Lauryn Hill - "MTV Unplugged, v2.0"

just to let you know..

If you've sent a response to the latest monogamy writings and you DON'T want me to share it with others, let me know.

If I do pass it along, I will be sure to remove names, etc. so that no-one will know who wrote it except me.

I'm planning on putting together a collection of all the responses because you all (well, some of you) have made more sense than I have.

Monogamy pt. 2

“Emotional interactions shouldn’t count. Although, sometimes, those are more dangerous than physical ones “

Let me clear this one up from the last time (among other things I didn’t explain fully). What I was trying to say here was that fidelity shouldn’t always be taken personally. Many times it really doesn’t have anything to do with you, it’s me. Really. I honestly can love a woman, have sex with someone else or hang out with someone else, and feel like it has no impact on my love for that woman. She’ll probably feel differently about it I’m sure, but yes, I believe it is possible to have a non-emotional interaction with a woman (physical or otherwise) and it can have no bearing on my feelings for another person. E! X. Just because I love salmon, doesn’t mean I like Shrimp any less!! Get it?

Now, We are taught to believe in ‘sharing’ as a virtue, but for some reason we don’t believe in sharing what we value most, our sexual partners. The rule is that friends can share, but lovers have to do something else. If two people truly felt like they the other person wasn’t fulfilling them completely then A. one should let their partner know and B. if there is a true love between the two of you, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your partner happy. (as long as they’re doing the same! It’s a two-way street!)

I guess it all comes down to communication and whether or not your partner is willing to do whatever it takes to keep you happy (within reason of course). There is no way to be against communication, you either do it more or less well, but you can’t, not do it. Monogamy is a lot of the same thing. It seems to me that it is not fair to be against monogamy, but it’s also not fair to be committed to it.

You’re always being sexually faithful to SOMEBODY, so in a sense, you’re always practicing monogamy, it’s just not always obvious who you are practicing it with…

Too often in relationships, especially in referring to monogamy, everything is all about TRUST. “I can’t trust you” allows others to not be committed, “You’ve broken my trust once before” says, that I acknowledge that you’re not perfect, but I want you to be, and the worst of them all, “Can I trust you?”. When this is asked, you know you’re in trouble. Trust is impossible to establish, no matter how hard you try. Because really, who (what, when, why) determines when you’ve done enough to establish trust?

My experience has been that I end up in a constant struggle trying to prove it, and you try so hard that you finally just say “fuggetaboutit” and go cheat! Trust is some sort of self-inflicted pain that masquerades as a promise that can’t be lived up to. The answer to the question ‘Can I trust you?’ should be, “No. I’m going to fuck up from time to time, and I need to know that either you’re going to work with me and deal with my fuck-ups or are you going to expect me to be perfect. I’m sure I’ll do some things that will piss you off. You need to let me know when I do. Sometimes, I won’t give a damn, but other ! times, I’ll do what you want out of the kindness of my heart, because I want you to be happy.”

…. Can you imagine the look on their face when you say this?!

But the question shouldn’t be ‘Can I trust you?”, the question should be ‘What do you think trust is? and How would you go about finding out if you didn’t trust me? Would you talk to me? Would you hire a private investigator? And what would make you believe me? And why should I tell you the truth? And what would make you trust your own trust in me? AND not to make light of Jack Nicholson’s famous quote, but Can you handle the truth?

My experience has been that people CAN’T handle the truth. People live in their own little worlds where everything is nice and lovely. The truth is inappropriate, it’s dirty, it’s rude, it’s crude, it causes pain, it hurts feelings and more often than not, as much as people want to be truthful, you’re not.

WHAT IF you told the truth all the time, it would be something like this:

Q. What do you want to do tonight?

A. Fuck and receive a blow job while I watch the game.

Q. Hey there’s a great party this weekend with the people I work with, it will be lot of fun, do you want to go?

A. No.

Q. Why not?

A. All of your friends are stuck up, cheap, and corny, and I don’t like them at all. As a matter of fact, I think you hanging out with them is having a detrimental effect on your life. Besides, I could use some time away from you.

Q. What’s for dinner?

A. If you’re not cooking? I think I’ll have microwave popcorn and call it a night.

Q. We should go to the movie this weekend.

A. No we shouldn’t. The movies you pick out are usually pretty wack, just like your driving.

Q. Why didn’t you come to work yesterday?

A. I’m tired of looking at you fake MF’s every day, I need a break.

Q. Sorry I took so long in the bathroom, have you been waiting long?

A. Yes, what were you doing taking a shit? I thought you fell in for a minute!

Q. How do I look?

A. You look good, but that dress is horrible. Go change and don’t take longer than 4 minutes. I’ll be in the car.

Trust is simply a word we’ve put too much trust in.

Lastly (for now at least), Monogamy to me is the belief that you’ve found the one thing that you’ll need forever, there is no need to look any more because you’ve found it and you’re willing to make a vow before God that you won’t have anything else. Forever.

I’m going to go out on a limb and associate my inability to believe in monogamy to the fact that I’m involved in the profession of architecture. I’ll tell you why.

It is a general consensus that there is not a perfect piece of architecture. Therefore you keep trying and trying to get as close as possible, but you never, NEVER become satisfied with what you have done. There is a constant push to do the building better, to learn something from it so you can improve upon it and do it better the next time.

Since architecture flows through almost every fiber of my being, it has become increasingly difficult to remove this outlook on life as I know it from my personal life. It naturally flows through the rest of my life, through my relationships, when I cook, what I wear, when I think about my wardrobe, my apartment, my women, even my music collection….. It never stops!!!! I was in the record store the other day and I actually said to myself, “You know what, I don’t have any Frank Sinatra or Sammy Davis Jr. in my music collection, I should get some.” WTF am I going to do with a damn Sammy Davis Jr. CD???!!! Play it for my great uncle at the family reunion????

Do I have a problem with commitment? Maybe. I would like to think it is the constant pursuit of something better. I say to myself, I’ll stop looking as soon as I find it, but the profession of architecture breeds a lifestyle (that I have bought into) that will never allow me to find her because she’ll never be good enough…. Thus, never worth practicing monogamy , therefore, a constant search for something better…….

How’s that for some self-victimization!

-c

CD of the moment: Dimitri from Paris – “After the Playboy Mansion” Disc 2

Monogamy pt. 1

The Monogamy Series, pt. 1

“Humans are not monogamous by nature, we are monogamous by choice”

It seems like there are two camps on this issue. Those who believe in Monogamy, and those who WANT to believe in it, but for various reasons, don’t practice it. Believing in ‘monogamy’ to me is like believing in God. The only way you know it’s true is by faith. There is no tangible evidence that God truly exists only because we can’t reach out and touch him and point at her and say, “There is God. Right over there, in the Bentley!… Aww, shit, you missed him!” But millions of people around the world, believe in his existence because you almost HAVE to.

Because you know, if you don’t believe in God, and she’s real, who knows what she’ll do to you when you’re dead, so we all know it’s in our best interest to believe in God. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in burning in hell for the rest of my life. Do I know for sure that will happen to me? No, but I’m not willing to risk it. …… I digress… Monogamy is the same sort of thing. It is this concept that we’ve been TAUGHT to believe is right. (Yes, I’m calling it a concept) It seems to be all about boundaries and the limitations that two people have set up for each other and what each person’s comfort level is. The person who is obviously the least tolerant will have to be the stand! ard that they both live by, which doesn’t seem to be fair to someone who is more tolerant. If I’m with a girl who gets upset and jealous everytime I even LOOK at another woman, yet I don’t give a shit if she looks, then I’ll have to operate on her limitations for me rather than my limitations for her. (get it?)

But so many of our actions contradict the fact that we buy into it. In order to understand these contradictions fully, you have to try to understand Cheating, Commitment, Sex, Children, etc… I’m not able to explain all of them, but I’ll try.

First, I’m going to try to define ‘Cheating’.

It is natural for human kind to explore all aspects of sex. When your in a relationship with another person, you will naturally still find other people attractive and (some) will have a want and a craving to explore that with them. In my belief, Cheating only occurs when or after you have taken vows of commitment. Before you enter your vows of commitment (marriage), It's simply a matter of searching for your true "one". But then that means that you can cheat as long as you’re not married. I’d like to buy into this definition, but I know this isn’t the case. If you’ve made a commitment to each other in any way, then you can’t cheat. Because in actuality, to me, the actual piece of paper and r! ing that ‘defines’ the fact that I’m married doesn’t mean shit to me. If I have an emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with a person, what does ‘being married’ have anything to do with that? (that’s a whole chronicle its own right!)

So, in my definition, cheating is when a person has sexual contact with a person when they're in a ‘committed relationship’ with someone else. Do I think you have to be married for it to be considered cheating? No. I want to say yes, but then that throws my whole ‘marriage doesn’t mean shit’ argument out of the window, so I have to say “No” whether I believe it or not.

To get more specific, my definition of "cheating" is having intimate interaction (sexual), with another person without your spouse/partner's knowledge...I think the "without your partner's knowledge" is the most important... Emotional interactions shouldn’t count. Although, sometimes, those are more dangerous than physical ones, I don’t think most women get this part of it. An emotional interaction with someone can be FAR MORE dangerous than me busting a nut on someone I don’t give two shits about. But women place so much emphasis on the physical aspects of cheating, that the other part is overlooked. Being monogamous has to go beyond just the physi! cal and include the emotional as well, and this one of the reasons why I don’t buy monogamy. Because I can have sex with someone without giving anything of myself other than the physical. I have somehow have developed the sick ability to either care tremendously about the person I’m with or not give two shits about them, but how the hell do you explain this to a woman?

I still think my definition is weak. If you are married, and you have sexual relations with another human being, animal, tree, whatever, and your spouse does not or did not approve of the action, you have cheated...plain and simple. Porn? Well, I believe that if you are in a relationship, and you agree that pornography is acceptable in the relationship, whether you are a co-habitating couple or a couple with different places of residence, then it is ok for that couple. I love porn and think it can help a relationship stay healthy, but that’s just me. If one's spouse does not agree with porn in a relationship, and the other does it behind the spouse's back in a sneaky manner, then porn just became wrong in that relationship, and I guess would t! hen be considered cheating. Cheating is what you feel you would not allow someone else to do to you. However, if you try to live up to your own standards, you probably won’t meet those of your spouse. That's the best I can come up with so far.

….. this is much harder than I thought it would be………….. I haven't proved anything yet.....

-c

CD of the moment: Blackalicious – “Blazing Arrow"