Monogamy pt. 1

The Monogamy Series, pt. 1

“Humans are not monogamous by nature, we are monogamous by choice”

It seems like there are two camps on this issue. Those who believe in Monogamy, and those who WANT to believe in it, but for various reasons, don’t practice it. Believing in ‘monogamy’ to me is like believing in God. The only way you know it’s true is by faith. There is no tangible evidence that God truly exists only because we can’t reach out and touch him and point at her and say, “There is God. Right over there, in the Bentley!… Aww, shit, you missed him!” But millions of people around the world, believe in his existence because you almost HAVE to.

Because you know, if you don’t believe in God, and she’s real, who knows what she’ll do to you when you’re dead, so we all know it’s in our best interest to believe in God. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in burning in hell for the rest of my life. Do I know for sure that will happen to me? No, but I’m not willing to risk it. …… I digress… Monogamy is the same sort of thing. It is this concept that we’ve been TAUGHT to believe is right. (Yes, I’m calling it a concept) It seems to be all about boundaries and the limitations that two people have set up for each other and what each person’s comfort level is. The person who is obviously the least tolerant will have to be the stand! ard that they both live by, which doesn’t seem to be fair to someone who is more tolerant. If I’m with a girl who gets upset and jealous everytime I even LOOK at another woman, yet I don’t give a shit if she looks, then I’ll have to operate on her limitations for me rather than my limitations for her. (get it?)

But so many of our actions contradict the fact that we buy into it. In order to understand these contradictions fully, you have to try to understand Cheating, Commitment, Sex, Children, etc… I’m not able to explain all of them, but I’ll try.

First, I’m going to try to define ‘Cheating’.

It is natural for human kind to explore all aspects of sex. When your in a relationship with another person, you will naturally still find other people attractive and (some) will have a want and a craving to explore that with them. In my belief, Cheating only occurs when or after you have taken vows of commitment. Before you enter your vows of commitment (marriage), It's simply a matter of searching for your true "one". But then that means that you can cheat as long as you’re not married. I’d like to buy into this definition, but I know this isn’t the case. If you’ve made a commitment to each other in any way, then you can’t cheat. Because in actuality, to me, the actual piece of paper and r! ing that ‘defines’ the fact that I’m married doesn’t mean shit to me. If I have an emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with a person, what does ‘being married’ have anything to do with that? (that’s a whole chronicle its own right!)

So, in my definition, cheating is when a person has sexual contact with a person when they're in a ‘committed relationship’ with someone else. Do I think you have to be married for it to be considered cheating? No. I want to say yes, but then that throws my whole ‘marriage doesn’t mean shit’ argument out of the window, so I have to say “No” whether I believe it or not.

To get more specific, my definition of "cheating" is having intimate interaction (sexual), with another person without your spouse/partner's knowledge...I think the "without your partner's knowledge" is the most important... Emotional interactions shouldn’t count. Although, sometimes, those are more dangerous than physical ones, I don’t think most women get this part of it. An emotional interaction with someone can be FAR MORE dangerous than me busting a nut on someone I don’t give two shits about. But women place so much emphasis on the physical aspects of cheating, that the other part is overlooked. Being monogamous has to go beyond just the physi! cal and include the emotional as well, and this one of the reasons why I don’t buy monogamy. Because I can have sex with someone without giving anything of myself other than the physical. I have somehow have developed the sick ability to either care tremendously about the person I’m with or not give two shits about them, but how the hell do you explain this to a woman?

I still think my definition is weak. If you are married, and you have sexual relations with another human being, animal, tree, whatever, and your spouse does not or did not approve of the action, you have cheated...plain and simple. Porn? Well, I believe that if you are in a relationship, and you agree that pornography is acceptable in the relationship, whether you are a co-habitating couple or a couple with different places of residence, then it is ok for that couple. I love porn and think it can help a relationship stay healthy, but that’s just me. If one's spouse does not agree with porn in a relationship, and the other does it behind the spouse's back in a sneaky manner, then porn just became wrong in that relationship, and I guess would t! hen be considered cheating. Cheating is what you feel you would not allow someone else to do to you. However, if you try to live up to your own standards, you probably won’t meet those of your spouse. That's the best I can come up with so far.

….. this is much harder than I thought it would be………….. I haven't proved anything yet.....

-c

CD of the moment: Blackalicious – “Blazing Arrow"