this weeks ESLHH e-mail

this just might become a weekly feature,

this weeks Ebonic Speaking Latino Happy Hour (ESLHH) e-mail:

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Subject: The coming of Friday Nizite - breaking NEWS yo!


Mic check one. . . two, one. . . two…..

Peep the dealio fo' Friday nite is approaching kid! Yall know the deally fo really Yo!. Aight, let me inject da brizkaes and get down to bidness yo!

This Friday nizite the Double 'H' / gangsta patay is gonna be cracking off the heeezzzy in the Foggy Bottom locale; but no foggy bottoms invited ya heard ;)

shit gots to be clear ya feel me???? :) :) Betta see all my peeps and staffee's fo' its gonna be 'Melly Mels' last dizay at thee office, but not da last of forty sipping, bud light titanic sinking, ….etc., etc…

Below is a link for metro riders…..on how to post up from da trizzain yo!

For non-applicables, don’t even triiipppp, BD will sip a forty for all of ya folks aight!

Holla!

Where my tupperware tops at?

For real yo..... I have a tupperware gnome in my crib...

I've got all the tupperware bottoms and like 2 tops and have no idea where the tops have gone...

I noticed it yesterday when I wanted to take a nice chunk of my homemade baked mostacolli pasta to work for lunch. Whenever I cook some dope ass shit at home, I make enough to take to lunch the next day just to bug these fools out at work. They walk by on some, "What is that?" and I respond, "oh just a little Baked Tilapia with fresh Thyme, Greek Saffron rice and Lemon Dill Bean / Pepper Medley".... they're like, "Where'd you get that???!!!" (I throw them niggas off by transferring my shit from the tupperware to a nice plate...) "Oh, you know, just a little something I whipped together last night..." and then they're like... "um, wow."

SO, I had a big ass glass dish of mozarella drenched mostacolli and I went to put it in a container and only had 2 tops to go with 7-8 tupperware bottoms???!!! I can't imagine that I would just bring the bottom home from work?? or that I would throw the tops away for some reason???

I swear yo, someone in my building's maintenance staff is fucking with me since I made them come back and re-paint the jacked up paint job that looked like it was done with a wig. So that lil Salvadorean MF is probably mad.... fucking with my tupperware tops.....

on another note, I was talking to the homeless guy outside the neighborhood grocery store by my office and out of nowhere he told me he used to smoke crack with a DC musical legend's daughter....

I was like, "for real? that's cool.......... "

I mean WHAT WOULD YOU SAY???!!! we're sitting there talking about the weather and shit and out the blue he's like, "you know I used to smoke crack with XXXXXX's daughter?"

I'm saying... c'mon dude... unless I was THERE, how the fuck would I know that shit??? Was this some effort on his part to show that he knew some shit that I didn't??? I don't get it..

Speaking of random street folks, the UPS guy gave me a pound so hard this morning, my wrist was throbbing for like five minutes. I mean, I don't really know this nig like that, sure you pick up and deliver packages from our office so we have some sort of "black professional connection" I suppose, but you ain't gotta beat me up just to give me some dap??!! Next time I'm giving that brother the "peace sign / head nod" thingy we do to keep him from getting all close and risk REALLY hurting a brotha.... AND to top it all off, he's one of those handshake snappers... you know the kind that try to do all kinds of snaps and shit with your finger when they shake your hand? I hate that shit. ... twisting your fingers all up in a ball to create some snapping noises when they shake your hand... what the hell is that???

enjoy your weekend.....

~C

Gloves, Ebonics & stuff

So I wake up all early, ready to get to workbright and all first and shit on a Friday since I'm leaving early today.

Don't know if you know, but it's COLD AS FUCK in DC right now.. for DC that is. With wake-up weather hovering around 24 degrees it means I bundle up Chicago-bus-stop steelo for my walk to the train. Well I have some ugly gloves (big puffy ski shits), some Sunday's best gloves (stitched leather joints), and I have my cool gloves I never wear because they're not practical (finger tips cut off mitten type shits).

But today was a day for the WARM gloves, which I usually wear since they actually look pretty good. These are my Thinsulate joints I bought in Salzburg when I travelled to the Austrian mountains without really realizing how damn cold it was in the damn Alps! So it was definitely another day for those. Since I had been wearing them all week, I knew they would be laying around wear I undress when I walk in the door.

You know how after walking in the cold for like 10-15 minutes, you're cold as shit the entire time you're walking, then the moment you get inside in the heat with all the hat / gloves / scarf shit on, you're on FIRE!! and have to shed all your clothes immediately. Anyway, I went to that spot and could only find one damn glove.

I looked in pockets, the bathroom, the kitchen, fuckin everywhere for like 30 minutes!!! for this one glove!!! Now I was going to be late, wasn't going to have the right gloves on and was just frustrated and mad... Not only was my house now a mess, but it was still cold outside and I had lost one of my Austrian gloves. So I grab another pair of gloves, head out the door.

As I'm walking down the hallway to the stairs, what do I see in the middle of the hallway??

My damn glove.

Had been sitting in the hallway all night long from the moment I walked in the door from work the day before. So as happy as I am I found my other glove, now I have a tore up apartment to clean.

Anyway, here is this week's happy hour e-mail from the Ebonic Speaking Latino.

Enjoy!

~C

Re: Eightball Sipping. . . Friday night yo!!!

Whazzzz up to all my peeps yo!Aight, back to da basics.

Dis Friday nizite, fat thangs is poppin off kid. Night to begin in Adams Morgan . Excuse for Double 'H' is due for my Fu-Fu sipping, non-lunch dipping, homie EIGHTBALL! As all in-house staffies know, it will be the last we see of big hair in the office yo :) Holla!

Part two of the evening will bust down with the VOODOO VALENTINE efforts yo! Nathan but free drizanks till 11pm kid. All riders peep the link and follow instruction aight……….

Clock iz ticking . . . . .See yall there gangstas!

http://www.voodoovalentines.com/

Ebonic speaking Latino update..

He calmed down for a while, but he's been at it since September dropping the e-mails... he AT LEAST doesn't send them to the whole office, just all of the "cool people", which somehow makes it better for him..

Anyway, here are the latest.. I don't have all of them, but here's a few I kept..

2/3 re: Finally Friday!

Aight to all ya busta's working hard fo' yo dinero!…….it's going down 2-nizite yo! Time to jiggle that gut and make a little room for some sippy sip yall….

1/11 re: The approach of Friday..

Yippy yo…..dat be crackin. Fo' sheeeeezy kid, itz gonna be crackin dis Friday; a proper farewell to one of my cool whites Yo! "sup droopy"! Plus Big Daddy can alwayz use a sippy sip ya heard ;-).

Its going down at five tray - 6ish shizarp in adams morgan for the initial pounding. For all yall in house peeps, we'll mash on ova together like a little office field trip…so best be packin yo brown bag homies: all others, see ya there.

Outro...

12/1 re: Merry Jingles

To Jump Start the season of warmth and giving, we gonna begin by popping them thangs off at this Friday nizite yo! [yall can be givers and hook Big Daddy up; 1st round on yall...thank you:):):):)] Yall know dat spot ...oh yeaaaaaaahhhhhh, holla at a 'G' baby babayyyyyyy!

All in house folks, yall now the deally:)

A big Whazzz up to all my extended folks out there . . . Yall owe me a drizank yo!:)

11/11 re: Anotha day til Friday!!

Bow, wow, wow, yippy yo, yippy ya, anotha revolution and 'BAM'. Its Friday!.. Bound to sippy sip on them chilly thangs by popping them off at the Lucky joint….'(Yeah, yall know where yall be getting the luck at….:)' ) at the point of Happy hour….Oh yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, yall know the deally yo!

Rico, what it be like on the late nite tizip? Still down to pop them 'O.G.' rican drizanks?

Can yall smell them frosty brewskies toasting up? All riders, regulate at the lobby bout five foety-five for a group trip aight!?

Awwwwww shiiiiiit. Big pimpin fo sho :)

Outro.

Holla.

10/13 re: Friday Nizite!!!

Importance: High

To all my peeps, did you think part two of this e-mail waz gonna be delayed? Helllll nah. Aight, ya know the deally yo! Its on till da brizake of dawn this Friday Nite Yo…Nathan but fat lip spreading and hip booty dipping…..Oh yeahhhhhhhh. here we come this Friday nite. Just remember, If yo ain't lucky, well shiiiiiit, you always have the Bar Yo….

And to all my folks whom will be lacking in attendance, don’t even trippppp. Big Daddy will sink one for ya.:)

Outro...

9/16 re: Open Wide ( )Importance: High

Aight, time for a wrap to all ya alcohol cravers.....Friday nizite, plenty of good peeps, and some of that of "oh snnnnnnnap",....tasty ale drank; yall know da deally? It's on..happy hour till ???? Any suggestions, please feel free to fill in da blank homies ___________________________________....its going down:) I'll keep it simple this yime around.....

9/9 re: yum yum, did someone mention beer?

Yo, we have this deadline to bust, but dat ain't gonna stop the hour of happiness ya heard meeeeeee? Its friday and I know yall got crazy $$$$; so who has da 1st round 2nite yo?,

ha,ha,ha....It has been a while that I've seen you folks get keyed off da brewskies....skee, skee, skeee... Yo gazoo? Where u be...danger's in da hizouse kid! COSTCO! wud up Doggg? Yo squigee, lets call it a wrap and five-tray-0' Yo eightball, it's on tonizite! Packin da MonteCristo's? To all my potna's in the West, keep ridin...

Aight, back to work!

Ladies, can I break it down?

Ladies, if a guy goes out of his way to speak to you, befriend you(chris rock voice) etc, he probably wants to fuck you. The only reason why he wouldn't is that he either isnt attracted to you at all, you used to fuck one of his boys, but somehow y'all ended up cool and we refuse to break the code, your mommas know each other which makes you like fam (can't smash fam), and you know what until he recognizes the benefit of self-control, he probably still would want to fuck you if given the opportunity. The whole self control thing doesn't come until you've had sex with someone that you shouldn't have and learn painful lessons of not having self-control. (i.e. pregnancy, smashed tires, keyed car, etc...)

But, even dudes who wouldnt aggressively push up on you or make you feel uncomfortable would still tap that ass. This is generally why we talk to you, its sad but true. Women like to socialize, expand their circle of friends, pass time, all that stuff. Men dont really care all that much about all that stuff, we're trying to get on some hoes. Hell most of the time when we make friends with other dudes its so we have someone to kick it with, so we can get on some more hoes. The only thing a "new" male friend is good for is to expand one's hoe circle. Or to find another person to golf with to fill out a foursome so you can cut down on cart costs.

All these dudes that disagree with what i typed up here^^^ are LYING, the dudes who come across as the nicest guys who you never think would feel this way, are the guys who are just the best at fooling you.

~C

What the world needs now...

... is more street poets.

So I'm sitting on the train minding my own business on the way into the office when out of the blue a brotha in a derby yells..

" IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!!! " Besides the fact that he startled everyone on the train and ruined the beautiful silence of my morning commute, I couldn't help but think to myself, the world needs more people that just aren't afraid to speak their mind in public. He continued,

"Turn off the TELL-LIE-VISION and WAKE UP!!!! This isn't Fox news, or CNN, or MSNBC, this message is brought to you from the black undergrrrrooooooouuuuuuunnnnnnndd."

At this point, I had to turn around and look at dude, and he looked like a broke down Gil Scott Herron in a Guardian Angels outfit, except the derby and satin jacket were black not red.

" What we need is a WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL AT HOME!!!!! WAKE UP people.... I'm sorry for interrupting your morning commute, I'm just excersing my right to free speech but THIS MAN IS DESTROYING AMERICA!!!!! IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!!!!!"

He was very dramatic with the long pauses and all, each time he would finish a sentence you thought he would be done, then he'd continue.. But he'd always stop to let the conductor say the next stop on the train. A considerate activist...

"ABU GRAAAAAY-HAAAAAB IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!!! THEY CAN'T COVER UP all these lies forever."

It was great as people who were trying to sleep, continued to act like they were trying to sleep.... but there is this raspy voiced brother yelling in their ears about how they need to WAKE UP!!! I just sat there and smiled and watched the reactions of folks. Some people were rolling their eyes, some people were scared, some people switched trains at the next stop. and THEN his last words were:

"for more information on the impeachment of President Bush go to JohnConyers.com. Thank you for listening."

HA!! I wonder if every congressman had people out in the streets pushing their websites what my commute would turn into. I'm sure Mr. Conyers wouldn't have picked a broke down black revolutionary to be on the streets spreading his message (well maybe he would?), but sometimes, a message is ony as good as the messenger. I'll be damned if a broke down farmer with overalls and a piece of wheat in his mouth is going to tell me all about urban renewal and the effects of gentrification.... So I fear the very powerful message he was trying to convey was lost from 2,345 packs of Newports in his lungs.

But I will say this... the world needs more street poets...

~C