Unpublished confessions..

You remember the annual confessions posts I do??? Well, there are always a few that I choose not to publish for a number of reasons, either I think people I know might figure out who I'm talking about, or I just find them a lil over the top, or just a little too personal, or maybe just kinda wack and not particularly interesting at the time....

but then some 4 months later..... I was re-reading them last night and said "fu*k it".. It's kinda like this whole American Idol phenomenon where you like to peer into the lives of other people ... I want to write one about this, but still trying to figure out how I feel about it all...

so here you go... the best of the unpublished confessions...

~C

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I work with all these girls in high school Some of them are sooo hot. I want to penetrate them repeatedly. But I would get fired and prosecuted, so I don't.It's too bad really. For me that is.

My sex life sucks. My boyfriend and I only have sex a couple times a month and it's not even that great most of the time. We used to have sex every day (sometimes more than once a day) but for the past couple years we've been having sex less often. I don't even bother trying to have an orgasm with him anymore. I just have sex so he can have an orgasm. I don't even masturbate all that much anymore. What is my problem?

I don't mean to be racist, after all I'm a minority, but I just cannot stand chinese people, well atleast most of them. It might be academic competition, but i just have never really liked them. It seems as though all the chinese people I know "stab people in the back" or are just so annoying it's beyond belief. I sincerely hope that the Chinese people I meet later in this world are better than those I know now. The ones I know now just piss me off.

it really makes me sad that even though i haven't seen her in almost two years and barely ever knew her in the first place, she still thinks we're friends. i feel bad for her. she texts me all the time and I never write her back. she calls every couple weeks and i never pick up the phone. I talk to her once ever other month and she spends the entire conversation trying to talk me into come visit her or asking my schedule as to when she can come visit me and I just play mr. elusive for like 15 minutes on the phone, then tell her I have to go... I knew I should've have had sex with her. she seemed like the clingy type. the sad part is, I know I could do her again tomorrow if I showed up at her door.

i posted an ad on craigslist the other night: looking for a couple for me to have my first threesome with. within an hour i received 38 replies, some with pictures (normal and dirty). that's the most play i've gotten in a year! anyway, i'm not planning on responding to any one of them - i don't think i was ever really going to go ahead with a threesome from the get go. i was just curious to see if people actually respond. i mean, have you checked out craigslist lately? the "casual encounters" section...it's insane!i'm kind of ashamed of myself for doing that. because not only did i deceive all those innocent perverts out there, this just proves that i'm just as crazy and perverted as they are. god, i really need to have sex.

It was a night of many firsts for me: first time in a car, first time with a married man, first time getting the morning after pill. Gotdamn alcohol.

(name removed), stop calling. Stop sending me IMs. Stop asking me out. I know you like me and I know that I haven't exactly told you I don't like you that way, I know I've been kind of leading you on, but it's just because I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you feel bad so I just come up with some excuse not to go whenever you ask me to go somewhere with you. If I liked you enough I would find a ride to take me to wherever you want me to go. But I don't like you like that, I just like you as a friend.

When i go to McDonalds and I order a CHEESEbuger with only mayo lettuce and tomato and they ask me if i want cheese on it I want to blow their stupid heads off. If I didnt want cheese i would have ordered a hamburger you assholes.

Oprah callin' folks out..

So I'm sure you've all heard about Oprah being duped by the author of a book she recommended, but didn't realize it until after he had sold 3 million copies of the book.

She called him a LIAR and really took him threw the ringer on the whole thing and how bad his lies hurt people and how silly it made her look..... It has been reported in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and CNN among others...

So I wonder, if Oprah gets this bent out of shape and goes to these lengths to call out a person that lied to her, if she would be willing to do a show with G-Dub on all of the lies he has told to the American people and show as much vigortowards the president as she did to defend her book club?

and if she did... how much press do you think it would get?? I guess we'll have to wait for W to write his memoirs and for Oprah to make that the selection of her book club in order to find out...

~C

a little redemption

This looks like the final chapter in a long sad story about a man named Prince Jones. Prince had a loving daughter and wife that was left behind in a brutal and senseless act of violence. I knew Prince, we came into Howard the same year and both lived in Drew Hall our Freshman year. Although I have no idea what happened that night, the Prince I knew was a super kind man that didn't ever show an ounce of hate in the entire time I knew him. He was a super guy and he will be missed, hopefully this will provide a small amount of solace for the family.

~C

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/19/AR2006011902346_pf.html

Civil Jury Awards $3.7 Million in Jones Case

By Ruben CastanedaWashington Post Staff WriterThursday, January 19, 2006; 3:36 PM

A civil jury today found a Prince George's County undercover narcotics police corporal responsible for the wrongful death of an unarmed college student the officer fatally shot more than five years ago. The jury awarded $3.7 million in damages to the young daughter and parents of the shooting victim.

After deliberating for about seven hours over two days, the jury of five women and one man in Prince George's Circuit Court reached a verdict Thursday morning in the highly-publicized Sept. 1, 2000, fatal shooting of Prince C. Jones, Jr., 25, by county police Cpl. Carlton B. Jones, (no relation), who is 37 now.

The jury found that Carlton Jones was negligent and used excessive force. The jury rejected a claim that the officer was liable for battery of Prince Jones. The jury also found that Prince Jones contributed to his death by his actions during the fatal encounter.

The jury award is one of the highest for a police misconduct lawsuit in county history. Carlton Jones declined to comment, saying he'd been ordered by the police department to say nothing about the matter.

Carlton Jones fired all 16 rounds of his 9mm service gun at Prince Jones, hitting the Howard University student eight times. Five shots lodged in the student's back; three rounds hit a shoulder and an arm.

The night he was shot to death, Prince Jones was driving a Jeep Cherokee, the same type of vehicle driven by a drug dealer that Carlton Jones believed he was tailing, according to Jay Creech, a special counsel in the county attorney's office, who defended Jones and the county in the case.

After Prince Jones realized he was being followed, he confronted the corporal on a quiet residential street in Fairfax and rammed his Jeep backward into the officer's Mitsubishi Montero, Creech said. Carlton Jones fired because he feared for his life, and he had a right to defend himself, Creech said.

The shooting sent shock waves through the county's criminal justice system. The incident occurred during 13 months in which Prince George's police officers shot 12 people, killing five. Two other people died in county police custody then.

The Jones shooting prompted the Justice Department to begin a broad investigation into whether the county police department, accused of brutality for decades, engaged in a pattern of excessive force and racism. In January 2005, the county announced an agreement with the Justice Department in which the police department would try to reduce excessive force.

an additional "R", "S", or "C"?

Don't ask me why, but I had a thought that I should add another R into my name.

like................ Currtis.

The only mistake anyone ever makes when spelling my name is sometimes a "K" is used intead of a "C". The only time you spell your name is when you're giving it to someone over the phone.... Or I suppose when you send it out on a resume or something.. (have you read the article about how black names on resumes are less likely to get called in for interviews?)

But how much fun would it be to correct people all the time about how you spell your name?? I can see it now

"Yes my name is Currtis"
"With a C or a K?"
"A 'C' and 2 'R's"
"What?

Or if I was a homosexual, I could consider adding an extra 'S' or three..... Curtissss.

... that sounds gay as shit don't it?

"What's your name?"
"Curtissss"

that's a little TOO extra for me....
... I think I'll stick with the extra R... it kinda is on some "Heeerrrrrrrrrre's Johnny!!" type shit when you say my full name together...

Or if I was really into scratching (DJ steelo) I could add a few C's to the beginning of my name...

"C- C- C- C- C- C- Curtis"

but then I'd always have to go into this "hand on a turntable like motion" every time I wanted to say my name... I could never say my name with a straight face, or in church, or out at a club when you meet a nice, sexy, sophisticated lady....

"Why hello beautiful, what is your name?"
{{{{{{ smiles }}}}}}} "my name is ____(insert sexy normal sounding name here)___. Yours?"

"who, me? ............. me?

{{{spotlight's shine, Microphone falls out of sky, I close my eyes and give a dramatic pause}}}

"MY NAAAAAAME IS ..............

.
.
.
.

C- C- C- C- C- C- C- C- C- C- C- CURRTISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!"

... yeah, I don't think that would be too cool..

~C

Classic chronicles revisited

Someone recently asked me what was one of my favorite chronicles. I don't know if I think of them as being a better story than others, or if I was in a better mood when I wrote some than others, but my favorites are the ones where I feel like the writing is really good. The ones where I feel like I actually take the reader on a journey with me in a way that they can relive the experience just as I did. Sure, it's corny as shit, but it's true.

So the ones that stick out to me meet all of the above criteria and take the realities of life and make you stop and observe the situation in slow motion to really grasp the hilarity of any given day.

On that note, who could forget the one about the shadowboxing crackhead?

~C

moment of insight #476

I realized this morning that I don't like people.

I'm serious. Besides people I know, and am friends with, I generally don't like anyone else. I'm referring to the general population of people in this country, that just take up space. I don't like them. I dont even like very many friends of friends, you know, like second cousins. I can tolerate just about anybody, but if I had to choose between hanging out with you and your friends, versus hanging out by myself? I'd choose myself most of the time.

Is that wrong?

Is that just totally insular of me to feel this way?

To be quite honest, I feel like I have enough friends. I have many people I care very deeply about, and that's good enough for me. So just because I don't want to meet or hang out with your friends, has nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you. (that's insular, to think that my actions always have something to do with you!) I just generally, don't care about what other people are doing with their lives.

The people I care about, sure, they matter to me and I want to know how they are and try to support them in their endeavors in any way I can. But all the other people??? I'm sure they have their own support system somewhere, and you may very will be a part of it, but I'm not, so don't expect me to be.

But generally speaking, people are always getting on my nerves, everywhere.

If its not the homeless trio at the grocery store that always wants something, its students who want better grades than they deserve, its dealing with administrative bullshit and the beauracracy that is ingrained into the leadership of the school, its condescending project managers who fail to recognize the skills you bring to the table, its rude mf's on the train who carry a gym bag, a purse, a lunchbag, and a shopping bag, then try to squeeze into the seat next to you, its niggas, its the IT department, its Asian chicks at the breakfast spot that wouldn't let me use my debit card because my $4.62 breakfast didn't meet the $5 debit card usage minimum even after I told her to just charge me $5, its the inability to get a reservation at the restaurant you want to go to, at the time you want to eat, its expensive gas and all the unhelpful Africans that work at the gas stations, its people who are elusive and are always hiding shit from you, its people who talk a good game but can never back it up, its fucking birds who wake you up at the butt crack of dawn for some fresh food and water, its HBO for keeping me up watching that Alexander bullshit until 2am... which then becomes my disdain for the general population of people who walk around blind to the fucked up ways of this country. Its politics, its economic policies, its healthcare system, its education system, all of that shit. But its the people who don't fight, who recognize that the deck is stacked against them and they've given up, its the parents who gave up and have passed on to their kids the right to give up, who then will pass on to their kids the right to give up...

I'm tired y'all. Tired of seeing the bullshit around me everyday...

God help my students today because I'm fired up.

~C

Black & White TV

Do you remember black and white TV??

I'm not saying I'm that old... or that I grew up that poor... I always remember having a color TV in the living room, but the first TV that I had to use to play Atari on was black & white. I think I played Atari so much because it was the only time the channels weren't fuzzy.

We had cable, but only on the one TV in the living room, there was also a black and white TV in my parents room. I could never understand why they would close the door and watch TV so loud, but as I got older it made sense...

Could you imagine having to get your freak on with the TV on super loud so your kids don't hear you? Wouldn't that kinda ruin the whole act?

Eventually we got another TV and the color TV from the living room became the Atari TV.. Finally, I could invite the neighborhood kids over and we could play Atari in color.. but by that time, they had the 4800 and I was still playing the 2400... Then the picture tube started to go out on that one and you used to have to bang the shit out of this one spot on the top of the TV to get it to come back on. It always seemed to go off right when you didn't want it to, causing your friends to lose the game and not want to come to your house and play Atari anymore...

This came about when I overheard this girl say to her friend that she had never seen a black and white TV before and just assumed television has always been in color... kinda like how my students see the internet as gospel and refuse to read anymore from books... One student actually said to me he would be more inclined to do the readings if I put them online!! ... just scanned the pages and put them on a website... I laughed like he was crazy then asked if anyone else agreed, and THEY ALL DID!!??

I guess we just get accustomed to what we perceive to be an acceptable medium to receive information... I didn't think watching black and white television was acceptable, they would rather read online than out of books... go figure...

On another note, I noticed yesterday I have a habit that has stuck with me from living with women over the years....

When I'm at home, I piss sitting down.

It started off as an easy way to avoid getting yelled at about leaving the seat up, then became an act of courtesy on my part when I moved in with a woman the second time, but I think she thought I was crazy for doing it... Now she's gone, have the house to myself, and I still catch myself doing it... I don't particularly mind, since it's just me in the crib and who is going to see me right?? It's not like I do it out anywhere else but home.... besides, it makes it that much less likely that I'll piss on the seat, which will make cleaning a lot easier...

um, yeah....., so, black and white TV was not the shit, but they should still give people that option to watch things in black and white if they so choose. I mean, black and white photography is still the shit, but black and white TV is not.

~C