moment of insight #476

I realized this morning that I don't like people.

I'm serious. Besides people I know, and am friends with, I generally don't like anyone else. I'm referring to the general population of people in this country, that just take up space. I don't like them. I dont even like very many friends of friends, you know, like second cousins. I can tolerate just about anybody, but if I had to choose between hanging out with you and your friends, versus hanging out by myself? I'd choose myself most of the time.

Is that wrong?

Is that just totally insular of me to feel this way?

To be quite honest, I feel like I have enough friends. I have many people I care very deeply about, and that's good enough for me. So just because I don't want to meet or hang out with your friends, has nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you. (that's insular, to think that my actions always have something to do with you!) I just generally, don't care about what other people are doing with their lives.

The people I care about, sure, they matter to me and I want to know how they are and try to support them in their endeavors in any way I can. But all the other people??? I'm sure they have their own support system somewhere, and you may very will be a part of it, but I'm not, so don't expect me to be.

But generally speaking, people are always getting on my nerves, everywhere.

If its not the homeless trio at the grocery store that always wants something, its students who want better grades than they deserve, its dealing with administrative bullshit and the beauracracy that is ingrained into the leadership of the school, its condescending project managers who fail to recognize the skills you bring to the table, its rude mf's on the train who carry a gym bag, a purse, a lunchbag, and a shopping bag, then try to squeeze into the seat next to you, its niggas, its the IT department, its Asian chicks at the breakfast spot that wouldn't let me use my debit card because my $4.62 breakfast didn't meet the $5 debit card usage minimum even after I told her to just charge me $5, its the inability to get a reservation at the restaurant you want to go to, at the time you want to eat, its expensive gas and all the unhelpful Africans that work at the gas stations, its people who are elusive and are always hiding shit from you, its people who talk a good game but can never back it up, its fucking birds who wake you up at the butt crack of dawn for some fresh food and water, its HBO for keeping me up watching that Alexander bullshit until 2am... which then becomes my disdain for the general population of people who walk around blind to the fucked up ways of this country. Its politics, its economic policies, its healthcare system, its education system, all of that shit. But its the people who don't fight, who recognize that the deck is stacked against them and they've given up, its the parents who gave up and have passed on to their kids the right to give up, who then will pass on to their kids the right to give up...

I'm tired y'all. Tired of seeing the bullshit around me everyday...

God help my students today because I'm fired up.

~C