confessions pt. 1

keep them coming: cinnamon.stick@gmail.com

here is the first round of YOUR confessions.................

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I confess that as much as I have been believing in myself, I realize that I have also been believing in fear, rejection, the word "No" and life experiences in which I felt the power of these things. I realize that my fear has kept me in a job that I don't like because I believe in rejection and people telling me "No" when I attempt to go for the career that I really want. I confess that as long as I believe in fear, I am not really believing in myself.

My good friend just went to rehab. He couldn't take the people in there so he left after a few days...said 'he didn't belong there with those types'. Bullshit motherfucker. I don't believe him anymore, so I guess he's not a real good friend anyway, plus he's been half ass the past year anyway cause of his problem. But I still want to see him get off the shit and be the person he used to be. Regardless I'll always do what I can to help him, that's just the type of friend I am...

i've bullshitted away about 60% of my days at work for the past few weeks....

i have enjoyed the single life but now i think i want a man....actually, i just want consistent, make me forget my own name sex and somebody to go grab sushi with...cause i really think i'm afraid to fall in love again...

i want to be a fly on the wall at the apartment of someone i know...just to see if they're really like that all the time...

i like my job but sometimes i think i'm only in it for the free trips...

You know when your eating that pussy out and you got your your tongue, mouth, lips, fingers and everything on it(usually one finger tickling her asshole, thumb fingering her or flicking on her while you try to tease it in the opposite direction with your tongue) and you got her balls on the wall.... I confess that I love it when her pussy juice just starts to leak out in a wave and I lap it all up right before I bring it home.

I confess I absolutely love Mariah Carey's new album and think it is the greatest album she's ever made.

I dont even know u but i think in my younger days i woulda had a crush on you, though i'll never tell u I think u are soooooo sexy

My friends have a lot of drama in their lives and sometimes I wannna be like "That's what your ass gets," but I don't. Even though they would prolly say it to me.

I confess I've been tacking an extra 20 minutes onto my lunch breaks since it got warm outside.

I had a dream about a white man. It was so explicit to me, was him nuzzling his beard against my neck and getting really close as if we were going to make out. I don't know who this mystery white man was, but he was like 6'5" cuz I was sitting on something high when we were nuzzling.

I was working at a fast food restaurant in high school and one night when we were about to close we got one last customer in drive-thru. the lazy boy i was working with did not wanna cook a piece of meat for the lady's burger so he dug one up out of the garbage and slapped it on a bun.

It's confession time again....

It's been over a year now since I did this....

Got something on your mind??? tell the world anonymously.. only I'll know and won't share with anyone except the readers of the site....

Hell, send it from an anonymous e-mail for all I care...

I'll start:

-I love my new job tremendously, but am afraid my years of inbred laziness from unsatisfying jobs will come to bite me in the ass as I just don't feel like working some days.

-Although I appear to have it all under control, the whole idea of moving in with a woman (again) has me scared to death and I fear it may cause me to hold back at times, when I really just need to let go...

your turn: cinnamon.stick@gmail.com

~C


CD of the moment: Ananda Project - "Morning Light"

Strangers on the street

On my way back to the office from lunch, a middle aged black woman who looked a little ‘rough around the edges’ stopped me after noticing the bottled water in my hand so I stop and she says,

“You know I drink like 8-9 of those a day? From like 6am until 3pm I drink nothing but water all day because I don’t drink water at home. You see, I work in the food service industry. So when I’m behind the counter serving food all day, it gets HOT back there!! So I don’t do nothing but drink 10-11 of those all day. People think its easy work behind the counter all day serving food. The spoons get hot, you burn your fingers when changing out those metal pans and shit, so I have to drink like 13 of those every day! Then I go home and I don’t piss until like 11:00 at night.”

Then she walked away.

Am I the only one that crazy shit like this happens to??? How many people do you know get stopped on the street and have a complete strangers piss patterns explained to them?

~C

CD of the moment: Lady Alma - "A Taste of Lady Alma"

the church tape from Charles

On my way out of the grocery store for my afternoon chocolate run, the single toothed homeless guy who I refer to as Charles stopped and asked me for a light. Charles is a nice guy. He always says hi, chats every once in a while, but never asks me for shit. I give him smokes if I've got them on me, but I'm a stingy MF, so I just carry one outside in case he asks for one. "sorry bro, left them in the office"

I didn't have a light so I apoligized that I couldn't help him out. He then went on to try to sell me a cassette tape from some church in Virginia for $ .50 I used my standard don't-wanna-give-a-homeless-person-money line,

me: "I'm sorry, I paid by credit card b/c I don't have any cash"
Charles: "No problem, just take it."
me: "Sorry dude, I don't even have a cassette player anymore, MP3's baby."
charles: "Well take it and pass it on to someone who may need it more than you."
me: "I'm straight homie. I don't even know anyone who still rocks cassettes"
charles: "I insist, you never know when you may run into someone who may need a little help. I help you help someone, and someday, you may help me."

I'm debating whether to take this as a sign from above that I need J-dub in my life or be upset. I don't really have anything to be upset about other than feeling like I got set up to be hustled some time in the future.... It's like this unwritten rule that you shouldn't take things from homeless people, because they might remind you later that they gave you something, then you HAVE to hit him off with something.

I don't mind giving to homeless people, I just need to do it of my own free will, not because I've been tricked or guilted into doing so. So how is it that I walk away from all this with a free cassette tape (I don't even have a tape deck hooked up anywhere!!), yet I feel like I got hustled?

Then on my way back to the office two women stopped me and asked if I knew of a nearby candy store where they could buy cigarettes..........

~C

Cassette tape of the moment: Saint Luke Church - "We Are The Church"

CURTIS CHRONICLES RADIO!!!

For the next week or so, I'm trying out a last.fm radio station. I don't pick the music, but it plays records based on the profile I created.. Check it out and let me know what you think..

~C




CD of the moment: Saint Germain Cafe des Pres, Vol. 6

bias in journalism

I just came across a great piece of journalism that I had to share.

In this article about how Ralph Nader dropped the N-bomb at a fund raiser, he was speaking of how Democratic Party powerbrokers had kept him off the ballot in such Southern states as Georgia and Virginia - which reminded him of the oppressive Jim Crow laws that denied African-Americans equal rights.

The following was written:

"I felt like a [n-word]," remarked the 70-year-old white multimillionaire graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School."

Now this is great "non-partisan" writing. Clearly, the writer is reporting the facts. Yes, Nader, made the comment, yes, he's a millionaire, and yes he went to not one, but two Ivy league schools. But by following his comment with pointing out his non-nigger traits it sets a tone for the reader that makes Nader look ridiculous as his background shouldn't provide him with the opportunity to understand niggadom.

Don't you wonder if people have the ability to recognize this, or just read the article and walked away thinking Nader is a fool and don't stop to wonder why they felt that way after reading the article???

I have to be careful about what I read and make sure I take the time to recognize the point of view the writer subtly places upon the reader...

~C

What kind of man am I?

nips
Originally uploaded by cinnamon.stick.

an ass man? or a breast man?

a little while back, I made a long rant about how titties are overrated. (isn't it interesting the feeling one gets when using the word titties vs. using the word breasts?). And my allegiance to this argument was recently challenged.

The basic premise of my argument was that there is only so much you can do with breasts and they eventually become more of a visual accessory than anything else.

But ass on the other hand:

ass can get you through long nights.
ass can wake you up when you're tired.
ass can put you the sleep when you're full of energy.
ass can make a pair of jeans sing.
ass can pick you up when your feeling down.
ass can get all inside of you and make you catch the holy ghost.
ass can make you weak in the knees.
ass can make you not worry about someone's face.
ass can make your toes curl all up
ass can make you a cup of soy chai latte

so yes, I'm STILL an ass man... but I love the breasts, titties, areolas and all that just the same.

For the ladies, let me say just because you are lacking in the one area that he finds most appealing on a woman doesn't mean that he doesn't find you extremely attractive or that since he's a breast man, he's going to run out and find some 36DD's to suck on tonight.

It only means that you can't get mad when we look. If you had them, we'd be looking at yours right? We look. That's what we do. When you're around, we're just slick about it, but we still look, all the time. You can't, no, you won't stop it, so accept it and make it a part of your reality.

~C

Cd of the moment: Rosalia De Souza - "Garota Diferente"

office buffoon update..

... after a couple weeks of getting emails like this and this from the ebonic-speaking Latino I labeled 'the office buffoon' I decided to finally have a word with him after this one.

At first, he was on some "oh, I forgot there is someone else in the office now that knows what I'm talking about, my bad." But once I explained to him that, whether or not they understand isn't even the point, and that he has created a role for himself as 'the jokester' in the office. He shows ambition and acts like he wants to get ahead, so I just said that in my opinion, he's going about it the wrong way.

He seemed to agree, and has toned it down... here is this week's happy hour announcement:

"My peeps and I will be meeting around 1:30 - 2pm today. We'll be starting the day off with a potential fat ass lunch in prep to playing some pool and sipping on some pitchers of nice, cold, alcoholic beverages. All are welcome to join. . . . Can't say where the evening will take us, but regardless, it shall be good times."

He's getting better.

~C

CD of the moment: Dimitri from Paris - "Cruising Altitude"

So, my parents just called me...

... and told me they were in Las Vegas!!??

"Yeah, we decided to come out here with some friends for a week. We're driving 5 hours to the Grand Canyon tomorrow."

I guess when you get older, retire and you have friends that own timeshares and stuff you can do stuff like this... I mean, when you think about it, newly retired people just sit around with nothing to do! So they end up creating work for themselves. They're so used to just working all the time, to just sit still and do nothing drives them nuts!!

My father for example, has the house on a painting schedule. The outside gets painted every few years, and he knows when each room is due to get painted. As the time to paint each room approaches, it creates a whole ordeal where he goes through everything in the room to see what he can throw away or get rid of. This usually results in my father doing things like gathering all of the hats I wore as a youth, having them dry cleaned then sending them to me in an airtight sealed container.

What in the HELL am I going to do with a Top Gun hat (with the wings on the bill and all) or a styrofoam 1985 world series hat?? Now I am in posession of a bag of hats that I'll never wear, but since he put so much effort into this whole hat delivery, I can't get rid of them now.

So he'll take like 3 weeks to go through every piece of paper, my high school love letters from my hoes, (yes, I even had hoes back then!), and put it all in a box marked "Curt", so the next time I go home, my entire vacation time home with my family will be spent being reminded of how young, immature, and stupid I was as a youth. And every time he goes through the shit, I never throw anything away because I know he wants to get rid of it. So I keep everything, I have book reports on Charles Drew from 3rd grade, baseball cards, and all kinds of shit I keep at my parents house.

Finally, he paints, after meticulous preparation to make sure the only thing exposed to air is the area to be painted, it takes him one day to actually paint, but he somehow managed to extend this process into three weeks. And during that period, he's very "busy". Really, I understand this though. If he didn't do this, then my mother would find things for him to do. This way, he is in control of his own time, so he creates these little three week windows where my mother can't ask him to do shit. Quite genius actually...

So my parents are in Vegas, and my dad is mad because he is now behind on his painting schedule. The joys of retirement.

~C

CD of the moment: Morcheeba - "The Antidote"

Geographical vs Cultural boundaries

So I went to a merengue concert last night... Ladyfriend got free tickets in the 10th row, and since I'm always down for live music I said sure why not... When would I ever miss an opportunity to hang out with 10,000 scantily clad Latino women?

I don't know why I don't kick it with the Latinos more often because those MFers party!! The energy up in the MCI center was just insane!! Everyone up on their feet, jumping up and down, salsa dancing in the aisles, shaking their asses........ I mean, SHAKING those asses like WHOA...

There is nothing like being in a room of tens of thousands of people who are enjoying great live music and aren't afraid to express that joy. Twas a feeling I haven't had since I saw Prince last year where the ENTIRE stadium is just up on their feet dancing non-stop. Granted, I didnt know what in the hell they were saying, but it didn't matter.

What was interesting was how the 'Latin world' (for lack of a better term) can come together under one cultural umbrella and at one point in the show, my man railed off every latin american country, one by one to give each culture the chance to cheer for their country...... which begs the question..... what do borders really mean?

The lines that have been drawn in the sand for economic reasons by who knows when or why, are rather pointless beyond the economic boundaries that people in power have created as a way to define what exactly they do NOT control... The cultural boundaries that tie us together have no geographical limits which was clearly evident last night...

But at the same time, we cling on to these self-imposed geographical labels for ourselves........ for what? I'm sure I have more in common with friends I've met around the globe than some of my own neighbors, but we don't have a label for ourselves... although we don't have a geographical connection, we are connected on a much higher cultural level than people that I may happen to share space with....

hmmmm....

~C

CD of the moment: Prince - Live at the Filmore East, San Francisco 02.13.2004 <- in honor of Prince's birthday... get it while it's hot...

My sleep patterns are shit these days

So, my ladyfriend moved in last week, and I can't sleep for shit.

I'm not nervous or anything, but since she moved in, I haven't been able to sleep very well at all! Maybe it is just going to take some getting used to, you know, sharing the bed and all. Maybe it's the little things like the ability to belch and bust my ass whenever I want without getting 'the look' that has me all built up and unable to sleep... I dunno...

But with no sleep at night, I'm just exhausted during the day, so I come home from work and take a nap at like 7... wake up at 10.... end up awake until 2am, then get up again at 6:30. So technically I did get 7 hours of sleep, but not a consistent 7, so it just doesn't count...

I went out and dropped a chunk of change for a feathertop to make the bed extra comfortable, but I think all it did was make her snore.... or maybe she snored already?

I think it's just the idea of not expecting something to touch you in the middle of the night that just startles me and pseudo wakes me up in the middle of the night... or it could be the temperature differential that our bodies obviously possess (cold vs. hot)...

Also, am I relegated to this side of the bed from now on? This wasn't something that was negotiated, it just sort of happened on night one and stuck..

Those who are shacked up, help me out...

~C

CD of the moment: Edan - "Beauty and the Beat"