sideburns & co-workers

I just came back from the bathroom and realized that my sideburns are

uneven.



Like, WAY uneven.



Like, what the fuck was I thinking uneven.



...



We recently rearranged the desks in our office and I now sit next to this

loud and obnoxious kiss ass who everyone can't stand except for the boss.



So I walk in this morning and the first thing out of his mouth is, "What's

shakin' C-dawg?"



I'm not sure if he thinks he's being funny, or cool, or what, but he just

sounds utterly ignorant.  This is the same guy who has referred to arabs as

'towel heads' and purchased the 'Iraqi's most wanted' playing cards.



I mean, did he expect me to run over and 'give him some dap'? .... maybe he

thought I'd throw my hands in the air and yell, " WEST SIIIIIIIIIIIIDE UP IN

THIS BEEEEYYYAAAATTTCCCHHHH!!!!!"



he recently purchased the latest Snoop Dogg CD, so everything out of his

mouth rhymes with 'izzle'.



Headphones are my friends.



-c



CD of the moment - Jamiroquai - "The House Mixes"

lost pubic hairs

Answer me this:



How does one lose 5-7 pubic hairs during a trip to the urinal?



I can understand maybe one or even two stray hairs falling out as a result

of a late night trim up for the girlfriend who is coming in town the next

day.  But five or six?  I mean pubic hairs aren't like eyebrow hairs that

need to be plucked.  And even if they were, why get the urge to pluck them

at the urinal?



Maybe they weren't plucked, they just fall out?  I wonder if this is how

baldness happens.  The hair just starts to fall out, and before you know it,

there is none left.  Maybe people who go bald up top, also go bald down

there?  I've never seen a bald man's private area. (and have no intention

to, except for my own one day)



This really struck me as odd, and I can't figure it out for the life of me

how someone can lose that much pubic hair in a single trip to the urinal. 

It must be from multiple people.  I mean, I didn't examine them to see if

the hair follicles were all from the same person, and I didn't have my handy

pocket DNA tester, so I guess I'll never know.



I thought about something else the other day while I was watching TV late

the other night.  I was watching the rebroadcast of Oprah which comes on

around midnight here in Chicago.  I had to think about this for a minute,

but I came to the conclusion that Oprah could get it.



The thick thighs, the corny giggle, the self-assuredness, and the best thing

is that she still has that janky Southern girl in her that shows from time

to time.  Yeah, Oprah is a hottie.  I said it.



~C



CD of the moment: Curtis Mayfield - "Live in Europe"

I don't care about yo baby!!

I'm sorry.  Call me insensitive if you wish, but I do not give two ounces of

shit about a co-workers newborn baby.  I am really happy for people with

children, especially people I know that have children.  I really care and am

interested in seeing the new pictures, etc...  But for the folks at work

that I have no vested interested in, I don't give a shit.  Family member of

friend has a baby, different story.... but these fools?  Hell no.  These

MF's come in and show off their little digital baby pictures every fucking

day.



"Curtis, come here for a second.",

"Sorry, I have to get these drawings out.",

"Oh, it will only take a second. Come here real quick!"

"I really have a lot to get done here."

"Just for a second come look at these.  I just took them this morning!"



... it reaches a point where you realize that it will always be quicker to

just go and act interested rather than keep working and be honest with them

that you don't give a shit.



I'm trying to work here ya know!??  About 5-6 times a week I get called to

one of 3 newborn parents' computer to look at the latest baby pics.  I'm

tired. I mean I'm really tired.  The baby looks the same to me as it did

last week!!!  Just hit me off like once every 6 months with the highlights

of the past few months or so and I'll be straight.  But you do not need to

call me to your desk every other freakin' day to show me another photo of

your big headed alien lookalike baby!!  I don't care!!!



Wouldn't it be nice though if the conversation went like this:



"Curtis, come here for a second."

"It's not more fucking baby pictures is it?"

"Well, yeah."

"C'mon dude.  I just saw pictures on Monday.  He hasn't grown up that much

in two days! Show me next month."

"Yeah, but look what I have him dressed up in!"

"Seriously, that kid is probably pissed off you keep playing holloween with

him.  This week he's a banana, last week he's a dragon, you're going to give

that kid some fucking identity issues."





On another complete different point, women always wonder why it is so hard

to be honest much of the time.  It's really not that we aren't honest, but

more often than not, we have a pretty good inclination that you don't want

to hear our honesty.  It would more often than not, hurt your feelings, hurt

you, and we don't want to do that.  We really don't.  So believe us when we

tell you that we lie because we don't want to hurt you.  If we were always

honest, without fear of hurting your feelings, more conversations would go

like this:



Her: "So what would you like to do tonight baby?"

Me: "Can we just stay home and fu**?  Once.  For like 10 minutes?  And you

won't get upset?"



I'm not saying it would always be like this.  But sometimes, that's how it

is.  Most of the time I don't mind showering you with love and affection,

foreplay, and working it for 40 minutes (okay, 20).  But sometimes.... you

know...



Anyway, maybe it's because I don't want kids right now.  I wouldn't mind

having kids with the right person, but I want them to pop out and be like

six already so I can start taking them to their tee ball games and shit. 

The other thing that pisses me off is that once you have kids, you start to

move up in the company.  NOW all of a sudden you're grown up, can handle

more responsibility, etc... This one guy comes in with his sonogram pictures

every other week to show off that he is about to have twins. read: "There is

no way I'll be able to work as much as I have been and as a matter of fact,

I'll need some more money to take of this huge responsibility in my life."



This is what it all REALLY means.  Now you have to buy diapers every fucking

week so you need this job much more than you did before.  Now you will be

much better at kissing the bosses ass!  Whereas, a man like me, with no life

threatening ties to Chicago, no one else to support or go home and report to

if I decide to bounce.  Therefore, these new mommy's and daddy's just keep

getting pushed up into higher roles, with more work than they can handle

because the boss knows, they'll do anything to keep their job.  They can't

afford to lose it.  Me on the other hand, if they fire me, the only person

they're pissing off is Visa and Mastercard.



You want to move up on the corporate ladder boys and girls, make some

babies.



-c



CD of the moment - Lizz Wright - "Salt"  <----- Real cool, jazzy shit! 

GREAT CD!!!  I highly recommend it.

the African-American printer

the lesson for today is:  "ask and yee shall receive."



Ya know, sometimes it's the little battles that matter.



About every 3-4 months we replace a printer somewhere in the office.  The

printers are always named after a dead architect. So all of the main ones

have been used already, Gaudi, Wright, Sullivan, etc...  So the last few

printers have been a woman, a japanese architect, and then we went back to

white guys for a while.  So I sent an e-mail to the powers that be and asked

them to consider having an African-American architect as their next printer

and even gave them two suggestions.  I figure the accounting and office

services departments should be represented along with the two black

architects in the office.



So sure enough, the next printer to get replaced was the biggest, baddest,

fastest, most cool, most slick, 42" wide color plotter.



and it's named after a black architect.  See the e-mail below.



sometimes you just have to ask for what you want.  It doesn't really mean

much in the larger scheme of things, but a little awareness never heart

anyone.



-c



CD of the moment: Blaze - "Spiritually Speaking"



-----Original Message-----

From:

Sent:	Monday, June 02, 2003 3:17 PM

To:	Chicago Staff

Subject:	New Color Plotter



There is a new color plotter called Cassell in the print room.  As of this

morning, you should have the Windows driver [Cassell-HP5500PS on voa-ch9]

and the Cassell.pc3 [for AutoCAD] files installed on your computer.



Please contact me if you do not have these plotters after restarting your

computer.





Albert I. Cassell was one of the most successful African-American

Architects.  He is most famous for his structural & architectural

contributions to Tuskegee Institute and Howard University.  A bio can be

found here:



http://architecture.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.howard.edu%2Flibrary%2FCassell%2FFounders.htm%23Albert%2520I.%2520Cassell