blame it on my brother

I'm about to be homeless and I blame all of this shit on my brother.

I'd like to blame it on his country ass fiance, but its all my brother's fault with his weak ass backbone. Or maybe it's my parent's fault for treating the baby like he was the baby, or maybe it's my fault for beating him throughout his youth. In any case, it's all his fault and I'm about to be homeless.

Let me refresh the memories of those who might've forgotten:

Brother goes to hospital and is diagnosed with meningitis, 3 days after getting out of the hospital he proposes to her on Christmas day. (I think he was still dillusional from the medication). Even though we live together, I don't find out he got engaged until 10 days later..... from her. He suggests he is going to move in with her at the end of our lease on August 1 so I have to find a place to live. On May twentysomething I ask him so when are you going to move in with her.... him: "at the end of the month." me: "like in 7 days?" him: "yep" me: "that's fu*ked up man." him: "I told you I was moving in with her." me: "but you didn't tell me when!!" him: "I thought I told you." me: "no, you didn't." him: "sorry."

so just like that, Curtis was stuck with paying the $1250 rent by himself for the past two months. I tried to go month to month, but da landlord wanted a lease, so he rented the apartment in like a week. So I've got to get out in 10 days. I've arranged to put all of my shit (and all of the shit my brother left) into storage. Of course there is like a four month minimum on that shit so moving / storing will end up costing me about a grand. I would've left all of his stuff there, but my parents put the guilt trip on me so I'm making them pay for half of the storage fees, because I will leave his shit in there to be thrown away.

House hunting sucks. I've put 3 offers on places to this point. I've been undercut by a cash bidder, and have gone back and forth with a developer on another one where they kept rejecting the items in my addendum that protect me from getting screwed. Everyone wants you to buy some old ass house "as is" and I'm like um "hell no." I'm going to have that shit inspected with the understanding if it's falling down then I ain't buying it!

My poor real estate agent bless her heart. We roll up to this house on the cusp of the hood in her newly waxed Jetta shining and of course Bebe's kids lives next door to the place we're looking at, hanging all on the fence, not moving out of the way so we can get to the house that's for sale and this little dude named Andre in a Superman shirt stood in my way looking hard. I mean he wasn't moving and he had his face all scrunched up like he was going to do something.

So of course the 9 year old older sister yells from across the way, "GET OUT THE DAMN WAY ANDRE!" Andre didn't move. So my realtor looks at me in shock. 9 year old sister yells again, "ANDRE LET THE PEOPLE SEE THE HOUSE!! GET OUT THE DAMN WAY!!" Andre didn't move.... Now you have to understand, I've been up since 6:00 in the morning, worked all day, I'm hungry, we've just finished seeing about 6 other houses and condos that were a bunch of shit, I was tired.

I bent down calmly to Andre's level and quietly said, "Andre, if you don't get out the damn way like the young lady said and wipe that smirk off your face.... I'm going to move you out the way my damn self.......... you hear me?"

Andre pauses then slowly moves out of the way. The place wasn't bad, but I knew if I lived there I'd have to kick Andre's ass one day. The last thing I need is some neighborhood parent banging on my door to cuss me out because they've got bad ass kids.

Which brings me back to the fact that I'm going to be homeless in 10 days.

Good thing I've got hoes.

~C

CD of the moment: Wax Poetic - "Nublu Sessions"

your confessions

Here are your confessions......

.... keep them coming!

~C

CD of the moment: Kenny Dope - "In The House"

----------

I confess, that I too spend in excess. I am living beyond my means, simply because I know I can. When I don't have, I know my parents do and as spoiled as this sounds, they always get me out of any crunch I'm in.

I confess that I get involved with people simply b/c they're deeply attracted to me. Then I say and do things to them that I would never say or do to a person I care about and I always keep them as friends no matter how bad I treat them b/c I simply know how to keep them. But when the tables are turned and I give my whole heart to someone I end up sulking about how I wish I could've kept them for years to come.

I also confess that I have trouble breaking up with people that I know still have feelings for me and that's why I treat them so badly, in hopes that they'll just walk away. Then I end up apologizing for behaviors I could've prevented if they just understood when I wanted them to leave, go that away -------------------->.

I confess that I have a problem telling people I truly love and care for about the issues that affect me the most. Then when I finally do tell them, they act as though it wasn't such a big deal as I thought it was.

I have a young buck who is stalking me. I messed up by giving him some and now he won't go away. The fact that I have a boyfriend is of little consequence to him. The fact that I have a crazy, deranged boyfriend more than twice his size has not slowed him down at all. While I mostly find this situation annoying because he calls me at least four times a day, but since we're confessing, this situation has inflated my ego just a little, even though it has almost completely destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend. .. but I've already done something to jeopardize the relationship. I think my female monogamy gene is recessive or something. While I would love to tell you that I regret cheating because cheating is wrong, I must confess that most of the regret stems from the fact that the sex wasn't as good as the sex with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Here's the conundrum: plentiful, good sex or infrequent off-the-chain sex.

I confess that I it's been such a long time since I have had some male attention that I've forgotten that I am fine (to paraphrase Erykah Badu).

I need a kiss on my neck.

I confess that I a want to have an active sex life...but I don't want to f*ck. I'm afraid of catching something (diseases or feelings) from a guy. Hmm, that's interesting.

I confess that the last 10 lbs. that I have been trying to lose are as much a part of my hips, titties and thighs as is the curve of my spine. None of them are going anywhere, so I need to just embrace them as the new me.

I confess that I want to live a life of leisure and see the world. That working is for the proletariat of which I am trying to escape (not because I'm not a regular girl, but because I have irregular dreams for my life).

Farenheit 9/11

So I finally got Farenheit 911 yesterday. I thought it was good, but could've been better, but it wasn't until yesterday that I finally 'got it'. I was riding in an elevator with some coworkers. One said "I'm going to see f911 tonight" to which another responded, "Oh my god!!! that was a GRRRRRRRREEEEAT movie!"

I said something like, "I think that it was lacking in intellectual rigor" (you know I have to play smart for the people every once in a while) and tony the tiger person said, "Well, but it was a *documentary*..."

There was this pause.

Then I said, "uh, that's exactly why I was hoping it would be intellectually rigorous."

The whole thing was bizarre.

Then it dawned on me, this film wasn't made for the people who already knew most or all of the information in it, follows the news and the international websites, watches the BBC and so forth. I didn't really realize this up until that point. The movie was made for the highly emotional clusterfu*ks who can be moved solely through appealing to their emotions.

So, Michael Moore is no Stephen Spielberg, the master of being able to make you laugh or cry at exactly the moment he wants you to, but he comes pretty close.

~C

CD of the moment - Cottonbelly - "NYC Sessions" <-- the man behind Sweetback & Sade, good stuff!

treat yourself right

I had a helluva meal last night.. I mean, a HELLUVA meal, with impeccable service. We rush through dinner all too often. Good food should be appreciated, nurtured, and every bite savored when eating out in a nice restaurant. There is nothing like a 3 hour dinner to give you a little piece of mind. We had people on both sides of us arrive, eat and leave before we were done. I mean, you're going to pay the same amount whether you sit there for an hour or for three, so you might as well sit there for three. Here's how it went down:

martinis to start as we perused the menu full of things we'd never heard of.

1) some sort of salty palatte-cleansing fish soaked in butter

cracked open a bottle of wine from the list of 300

2) appetizers
her: crispy suckling pig with red grapes, homemade sauerkraut, pickled beets, heirloom apple and dill.
me: seared maine diver scallops with brandade, english peas, preserved lemon, slow toasted garlic, and pea tendrils

3) palatte cleanser #2 - Papaya jelly cube on top of a blackberry compote filled butter cookie

4) entrees
me: wood-grilled california sturgeon with yukon gold potatoes, spring carrot salad, dill and braised oxtail jus.
her: confit of organic veal tenderloin and crispy sweetbreads with cavolo nero, roasted garlic panisse, english peas, and caramelized rhubarb

finished the bottle of wine
-----
palatte cleanser #3 - truffles (chocolates w/ gooey stuff inside)
--------
a little bubbly to go with desert

5) deserts
her: fresh berries in caramel sauce
me: vanilla crepe w/ blueberries and hazelnet ice cream

after dinner drinks:
grappa for me, and tea for her........

damage: $189 + $50 tip = $239..... not bad.

you have to spoil yourself sometimes and not give a shit about the check at the end of the night. Trust me, it's good for your soul.

after that, we went salsa dancing in the hood.... I love women who are multi-environment friendly.

her: "what are you looking at over there?"
me: "who me? just checking out her dance moves that's all..."

~C

CD of the moment: Kemistry & Storm - DJ Kicks

Usher who?

first of all, I don't listen to the radio.... like, ever.  Maybe a little

NPR or ESPN sports radio if I happen to forget my CD changer.  But I don't

ever listen to the radio, watch BET, VH1, or none of that, so I had no idea

that Usher had a song out called 'confessions'.  I don't even like Usher

with his fake wanna-be Michael Jackson ass. (old michael)



Anyway, it was nice to see some men come out of the woodwork and give a

contrast to the sappy stuff you ladies wrote.  I know.  You are emotional

beings, and we are not....



~C



your confessions:



I came UP last week...as in made some dough and she don't even know it. And

I don't know if I am going to tell her....until after I got my ticket for

Brazil.



I think I'm intriged with women (to the point were it's unhealthy), at this

point I don't think I'll ever be able to settle down



In the end happiness trumps salary (Never thought i'd say this).



I really wish my dad would lose my number



A woman from one of my pornos, Assliciously Delicious 5, bears a striking

resemblance to one of my exes. ironically, this ex and i never had sex.

therefore, when i watch her scene, i envision what *should* have been.



I hate women who put on their makeup while they're driving. If you can't

wake your ass up 15 minutes earlier, don't put it on.



I thought someone REALLY hurt my feelings, really they just offended my

narcisstic, vain side.



In violation of all KINDS of HIPAA laws (which protect patient/doctor

confidentiality) I look at medical records of everyone I know at work. I

just did my ex, and his daughter. I've done high school friends and enemies.

I've even done people I've only met once or twice. If you live in xxxxx and

go to University hospitals and I know ur last name...ur not safe.



Running away is never the answer but damn it feels like that best option

sometimes.



I hate it when people bitch about something and don't make valid attempts to

rectify the situation and right now i'm feeling like i'm one of those

people.



WORK IS KICKING MY FUCKING ASS!!! FUCK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! OVERTIME W/

NOTHING IN RETURN? FUCK Y'ALL!



I do miss my ex sometimes. Six years is a long time to be with someone.

There were a lot of things that caused us to part but the basic feelings

don't go away.



I miss my granny...real bad. The more yrs I live the more I miss her. She

was the glue to my *whole* family and the person I confided in the most just

to hear her wisdom and wit. She never got to see any of her grandkids even

graduate high school (which was a feat that, unfortunately, she did not get

to do)



Since most people have complained about hearing me urinate during our

conversations, i've taken the liberty of sitting down to piss when i'm on

the phone. in order to not draw suspicion, I flush the toilet and run out of

the bathroom as quickly as possible.



while watching amazing race last night everytime the camera panned to the

midget running... I laughed ..... hard.



I drove 'ol girl to the airport last week. I was supposed to take her car

back to her spot afterwards, but I kept if for a day so I could go to a

party that thursday.



I'm starting to hate rnb... & it's in a state that's much worse than hiphop

is & ever will be.





CD of the moment:   Breaks & Bossa - Chapter 6

chronicle confessions

Do you have something on your mind that you just need to release? Something you'd like to proclaim to the world? Sometimes it helps jumpstart things if you say it out loud. I introduce the chronicle confessions.

You know how in those hot Southern churches you had to get up and confess... and you would hear way more about folks business then you wanted too.... well now is that time, you'll feel better once you do it and you are able to hide behind a veil of secrecy: me. Send me your confessions and I"ll anonymously compile them into one or two e-mails...

I'll start:



Im an insomniac. I stay up until all hours of the night for no reason and then struggle through the work day. This is a problem.

I miss my boys from college because they looked out and lent a helping hand for me when nobody else would.

When my car was broken into, rifled through, but nothing taken, I honestly had to stop for a second to think if there was some girl that was out to get me.... I'm sure it was kids from the neighborhood... those boys are mad niggerish... but this all leads me to believe I need to slow down with the hoes..

I feel emotionally invincible. like at this point in my life no one can really upset me... I think this is a bad thing.

I need to start being more responsible with my money .. I'm counting every penny in my account to start paying a mortgage (haven't found a place yet) ..I have some money coming in on a freelance job, but that hoe ain't paying. I need to be more aggressive and get my money.

CD of the moment: Aya - "Strange Flower"