chimp riding shotgun

So I'm riding on the bus on my way to work, you know, minding my own

business, chilling on the bus, when I look over and slowly pulling up to the

side of the bus is an old, beat-up, burgundy, Honda Accord.  I don't think

anything of it, until it pulls beside me.



I look into the passenger seat of the vehicle, and there was a chimpanzee

riding shotgun.



Not, a big gorilla, ape, or one of those small monkeys, but a chimpanzee big

enough to have it's head pop up over the window as it sat in the seat.



I said, a chimp riding shotgun on the way downtown.



Where could they have been going?



I wish I would've seen the driver.



-c

Ron Isley, Jesse, Cornel West & Shaft

Chicago is flooded with tits and ass today.  I want to personally give a big

shout out to whomever it was that invented the Taste of Chicago.  Lunch was

an absolutely beautiful thing today.  Everyone is heading east towards Grant

Park, and India Arie is playing for free tonight too???!!!  Since it is so

cold here most of the year (summer just started last week), when it finally

gets hot here, women don't know how to act.  I'm not complaining though.



I thought the free Badu concert was Bohofest 2003, but I have a feeling that

tonight will be something special.  I can feel it in the air.  At Badu, it

was a straight up headwrap and Nag Champa fest.  There were more women

wearing fabric with nothing underneath than at an Indian vegetable market!



But it just seems so forced and contrived here in Chicago.  I don't know, I

saw more butts bending over, showing the top half of their ass cracks

because this fabric that is obviously being worn wrong just screams, "Hey,

look at me, I'm progressive and don't wear underwear!"  No bras, thongs

popping out the top of pants, what more could you ask for on a beautiful

sunny Chicago afternoon?



---



For my birthday (it's tomorrow bitches!), my sister came up and took me to a

concert she wanted to see.  I thought a birthday gift was a gift for the

person you're giving it to, but she never got that memo.  My sister is a

terrible gift giver.  One year she gave me CD for Christmas that I already

had.  So instead of saying well we can take it back and get you a different

one, she said, "Well give it here, I don't have it."  and kept that mother

fucker.



So she takes me to go see Ronald Isley.  It was also a part of this Rainbow

Push coalition conference so it was quite an interesting evening.



First of all, 50 year old black men think they are just the coolest mother

fuckers in the entire world.



You know how you walk by that one black owned store that every metropolitan

area has that sells suits for black men?  I always wondered where are the

guys that buy these zoot suits?  Now I know.  When they are not busy being

extras in Michael Jackson videos they're at Ron Isley concerts.  I saw more

white hats and sparkling dresses than at a black church on Easter.



The show was supposed to start at 7:30.  First up was the local radio

personality who comes out and yells "BANG BANG BANG!" to which the audience

responds, "SKEET SKEET SKEET!!"  Obviously some sort of inside joke that I'm

not a part of, I yell along on the 8th and final time.  After numerous

thanks to Michelob, passion fruit cognac wrapping paper companies and the

like, the opening band comes out.  I can get into smooth jazz and all, but

there is no need to make Prince faces while playing the guitar!!?? You're

playing smooth jazz for chrissakes!!! I was waiting for him to pull out the

lighter fluid and light his guitar on fire, because he really thought he

just played some mindblowing shit.



Next up was the DJ playing old school cuts and people dancing in the aisles.

When I came back in from getting another Jack and Coke, the crowd was up on

their feet cheering and screaming!!!  By the sound of the crowd, I thought

Jesus was on stage!  I look up and it's Jesse.



Jesse Jackson has been giving the same speech since '82.



KEEP HOPE........ ALIVE!

I AM....... SOMEBODY!

I AM....... SOMEBODY!

KEEP HOME....... ALIVE!

UP WITH HOPE....... DOWN WITH DOPE!



I mean really, do they even make dope anymore? Does anyone even still sell

dope? Or has dope just become a pseudonum for any type of drugs that are

sold in the hood?  I would hope that dealers have moved on to bigger and

better things, but I could be wrong.



So Jesse brings up Cornel West, Danny Glover, Shaft, and some children then

they present an award to Ernie Banks.  No lie.  I saw Shaft give Ernie Banks

a hug.  Then Jesse being a promoter of positivity, forces the crowd to sit

through an ear shattering performance of untalented local rap groups who are

rapping about keeping hope alive, being somebody, and are full of hope.



After more old school jams, the next group comes out................. mother

fucking CON-FUNK-SION!!!



I saw Confunksion.  They were an old school group when I was a child!! So I

know they're old now!There were like 90 people on the stage playing

instruments, all wearing sparkling suits doing synchronised dance steps.  It

was beautiful.



Finally at 11:00 Ronald Isley takes the stage looking like a fat old

under-achieving pimp.  He went through the cuts, "Between the Sheets", "It's

your thing", "Who's that lady", etc.. and you almost felt sorry for him.  It

was mostly theater, with multiple scantily clad women that wouldn't touch

Ron with a 10 foot pole dancing around him in lingerie like they all want

his body.  If it wasn't the women, it was men in suits carrying briefcases

trying to act out some sort of secret undercover spy mission on stage with

Ron being the hero.  My sister was loving every minute of it



Finally for the encore, and I can't think of anything more right to end this

evening: A guest appearance by R. Kelly.  To massive cries of approval from

the audience and a crew of young women in the front row waiting to get peed

on, he did a duet with Ron Isley.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I grabbed my

sister and we headed for the door.



-c



CD of the moment: Reggae Gold 2003

Mood of the moment: Indifferent