2005 goals revisited..

So I went back and finally read what I had typed at this time last year as my goals for 2005, lets see how I did....

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By this time in 2005, here's where I want to have done.

1. Pay off my credit card debt

Of all of my goals for 2005 this was the highest on my list and although I didn't pay it off completely, I made a pretty good dent in it and from where I began at the beginning of the year, I have knocked out almost 70% of that amount. The problem was once I saw how good I was doing, I became complacent and strayed from my target... starting splurging on shit, and therefore didn't meet my goal.. But I'll have it gone by my birthday in July next year.

1.1. Keep up with readings, do well teaching this history course(s).

Of all the challenges I had, this one was something I put a lot of time and effort into and it worked out surprisingly well I believe. It was a lot of reading, but based on the student evaluation forms, I feel like I did a pretty good job at this for my first solo teaching experience.

1.2. Organize, prepare, and execute the beginnings of some sort of long term financial plan.

....... um, yeah, well, paying off my debt was the first part of this, so I suppose I sort of met this goal, but the whole long term thing I didn't do...2. Travel for leisure, preferably outside of the continental U.S.

After completing my architecture licensing exams, I took 10 days to relax in Greece so I met this goal.

2.1. Vacation in South America or Asia (I’m thinking Japan).

maybe next year...

2.2. Possibly plan and execute a coup de tat at one of my places of employment.

I actually did this!! I was on a project team with a project manager that was just a fu*king prick. So I teamed up with this other guy in the office and we didn't even have to do much actually. By doing exactly what he said, even when he was wrong, and pointing out that the mistakes were his when they were thrown in our faces, let to his removal from the project team. The client couldn't take it, the boss couldn't take it, and so he was 're-assigned' to another job! All it took was some planning, and subtle comments to the boss afterhours to make sure they saw what we knew all along. What this taught me is that sometimes, incompetence has to be brought into the spotlight before it's ever recognized. What made it even easier was his big mouth spouting about how right he was all the time.

2.3. Visit friends in Salt Lake City, New York. Albequerque.

I made it to New York, but Salt Lake City & Albequerque are still on my list..

3. surround myself with more black people that look less like wonderbread and more like multigrain.

I don't even know what I meant when I wrote this goal??? so I guess I didn't do this...

4. Help my nephew come up with a plan for his life.

Failed miserably at this one. after a long conversation about his future and what we were going to do, he ignored everything I said and moved in with this girl in another city with no job, no income, no nothing... now he can't wait to move out..

5. Write at least two papers .. working towards getting published again.

yeah, um..... yeah.... didn't do this. I would blame my lack of this on my highly prolific chronicles writing, but we know that's not true... no excuse, just had bigger things on my plate at the time.

6. Maybe start spinning out again… possibly just a monthly residency or something. I already have the name for the party – “Curt’s Ephemeral House Party of Interplanetary Unity, Peace, Harmony, & Love”

I do have a little weekly residency here in DC, but they didn't like my name for the party... :( so when asked to come up with something different, I told them "I can't"... so I'm playing at a weekly party with no name at the moment..

7. Pay off that debt.

yeah yeah..... only a few grand to go....

8. Have a better idea of where I'm going to live for the next 2-5 years.

I'm pretty much settled on the DC metropolitan area... I'm house hunting at the moment, so this should be resolved in 2006..

9. Have a better idea of how I'm going to live for the next 2-5 years.

Why I'll be BIG PIMPIN of course!!!! I wouldn't have it any other way!!

10. Have researched in depth at least 1 more language I haven't already tackled, to the point where I'm familiar with it both in and out, structure and environment…. And increase my Spanish speaking skills (looks like I’ll have to hang out with more Puerto Rican chicks…. damn….)

Well, once the Latino ladyfriend moved out, there went my Spanish.... shit, who am I fooling I barely spoke it when we lived together... She spoke to damn fast for me, I just became frustrated and never seemed to be in the mood to learn it with her.... But again, now that I'm done with my exams, I should be able to take on a project like this sometime this year.

11. Have a better system of not procrastinating so I'm more disciplined and have more control over my productivity and ultimately my ability to accomplish good work and goals.

... and here I am, writing chronicles at work..... not doing too well on this... but I did stay focused enough to always complete my lectures on time, which meant giving up my weekends most of the time, so I guess I did pretty good on this....

12. To keep in mind always my priorities, and to make sure that the choices I'm making line up with them, even if it makes me uncomfortable in the short term.

Hmmmm.

I will say I definitely did this. Staying focused to complete my architectural exams meant I had to make a lot of sacrifices, which meant those around me had to make sacrifices and meeting this goal actually probably cost me this last relationship I was in. But the priority was to complete this long journey that I had begun in 1992 and become a licensed architect. I did that and had to make sure that any and all choices I made about my personal time, my energy, etc... kept that as the number 1 priority. No one likes to hear that they are number 2 in your life, but sometimes reality is a mfer.. I could have faked like that wasn't the case, but I chose to be true to myself, and I'm very comfortable with the choices I made to complete this major accomplishment in 2005. It's something that can never be taken away from me. So now looking to 2006, I have to start doing something with that license now that I have it..... the journey continues...

peace,

~C

oh how time doesn't fly...

Yesterday, I came in to work hungover like shit. All the way into work I was thinking about how I was going to get off on the opposite side of the train than I normally do just so I can walk the long way and pass Burger King to get a couple of those Croissanwiches to soak up the Jack....

I get all the way to the doors of the Burger King......... and that mother fucker went out of business...

Can you believe that shit??? I was too hungover to notice that the words "Burger King" no longer were printed on the awning or the window. It wasn't until I tried to open the door did I notice the lights were off..

8:15am - walked in the door to a flurry of e-mails, looks like it's going to be a busy day...

11:00am - I looked at my watch and it was like 11:00am already and I thought to myself,

"Self, how did the first 3 hours of this day has zoom by so quickly?? It's almost lunch time!"

11:45am - 3 hours later, I looked at my watch and it was only 11:45... SHIT!!

11:55am - 10 minutes later a reminder popped up on my screen for a lunch presentation I had signed up for 2 weeks ago........ WOO-HOOO!!!! FREE LUNCH!!!

1:30pm - the "-itis" kicks in

2:00pm- go to grocery store without a coat and get a red bull... see bike messenger almost come to blows with a pedestrian.

3:30pm - WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS RED BULL??!! .... got my hands trembling and shit...

3:45pm - no way only 15 minutes just passed.... browse internet for watch batteries...

5:10pm - "yeah, I have to leave early to take my bird to the vet." I figure since I don't have any kids to use an excuse to leave work, I'll use what I have.

5:12pm - walk out the door for the day.

5:22pm - took the long walk to the train to blow a kiss to the space formerly known as burger king. "see ya in the suburbs Mr. King...."

~C

thinking about the future...

So I just read one of these woman upliftment e-mails...

"A brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes". She began to expound..."As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money." I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just have to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot." "She replied, I'm worth a lot"...

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see ladies, this is the type of thinking that just gets you in trouble, and I'll tell you why.

to me, this is all about standards. standards we set for ourselves, and standards we set for others. And think about it like this, If you as a woman have everything going for you and don't need a man, the type of man you're describing probably doesn't need a woman. We both pay our own bills, we both dont need any help from anyone else... So where does that leave you?? Two people that don't NEED each other, trying to make the other person convince the other why they need each other... silly.... The most successful relationships I know work because the two people WANT to be with other and can overlook all the "what can you do for me" bullshit.

So often during courtship people present themselves as the ideal caring, sensitive, compassionate person in order to get the person that you want, only to later to find out they aren't always like that. I just came out of a relationship that had this problem. When we were dating and seeing each other once a week, I was able to give that person my all... during the time I saw her. When she moved in, I believe she expected that same level of attention and it just wasn't going to happen... I had been taking care of me the other 6 days of the week, so to expect the same level of attention every day that you received on that one day a week just isn't realistic.

I thought this would be obvious, but it wasn't... to her, I had set a standard for how she would be treated whenever we were together and in her eyes I imagine I failed miserably at upholding that standard. To me, I probably doubled / tripled the amount of attention she received from me, and I felt like at times I was giving up too much.... But that is the expectation / standard I had set.

The flip side of that is to be true to yourself and present yourself exactly as you are from the beginning so there will be no misconceptions later.

So for the record,
-When Illinois basketball is on TV, you are number 2
-I have chronic dirty fingernails. I clean my nails all the time and they still have shit under them.
-If I'm tired, I'm going to sleep regardless of whatever plans we had or how bad you want to have sex. It won't be worth it for either one of us in the end.
-If I''m hungry, I'm going to eat regardless of whatever plans we had. If I have to wait for you longer than an hour past what we planned on for food, I'm eating without you.
-I swear a lot
-I burb loudly
-I talk about farting and shitting like I talk about the weather
-My ambition for my career and my wallet will more often than not be more important to me than you are. It was there before you and in case we don't work out, it will be there after you. And most of the times, that's going to go for those 13-20 year friendships I've had before you were thought about.
-If you want mental stimulation, go read a book. My brain works hard all day, I don't need to come home and have it exercised by you.

So these are the disclaimers that I shall put forward on future first dates from this day forward.

Thank you all for this e-mail, it's made me rethink things as I go back into this dating scene and has actually made things much clearer for me.

~C

To be POOR or be a WHORE?

that is the question.

I visited a friend of a friends house for brunch this weekend who recently purchased a brand new million dollar penthouse condo in the heart of the poppin' U street area here in DC. The whole experience has had me thinking ever since. It was a great space (not a million dollar space, but....) and had amazing views as far as the eye could see. Since it was a corner unit, it had windows on two sides instead of just one which made the first floor, and the loft completely bathed in sunlight. I was truly impressed.

I was able to view the architecture on it's own terms and look past the bright and colourful mismatched couches, blankets, candles and pillows (I felt like I was in a skittles commercial). I know furniture is one of those things that are of personal taste. This particular person is a very colourful individual and I would expect nothing more than a cornucopia of colors to be represented in the pillows, the art, etc.. Then, she broke out the paint colors, she's planning to paint the unit....

She excitedly went through every single wall of the house, "Siberian Ice will be here...." and explained all of the flow of the eye from one room to the next. It was so hideous, that I'm sure she had to have noticed my reactions as I cringed at the explanation of where each of these colors would go.... She wasn't very engaged with me from that point forward... As she went through each space: Tangerine orange kitchen walls adjacent to a fire engine red staircase shaft, next to a Barney purple bedroom with a Teal bedroom in the distance..... "and a darker shade of grade here on the fireplace to offset the Siberian Ice on the other walls".... I mean it's not like my girl was using color to accentuate certain parts of the room, she was painting ENTIRE rooms dark purple!!!

So I just sat there, and watched an entire room of non-designers critique, give suggestions, and discuss the merits of the color choices she had made and how nice it's all going to be when it's all done. I wanted to vomit, so I didn't say anything. I realized at some point, that my input would be futile and sometimes it's better to allow others to wallow in their own happy reality then to make common sense out of things... but the whole experience brings to light a serious, serious issue I've realized that affects me, and that is:

Everyone thinks they can do what architects do. Everyone. HGTV has turned everyone into an expert on design, and what people fail to realize is that most of the stuff you see on there is a bunch of shit. Yes, people are entitled to have their own personal taste on what they do or do not like, but THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT!!! There are issues of color theory, the way the eye works, the way perspective works, how the circulation through the space works, how light comes into the space, and all sorts of issues to be considered when picking colors for walls, especially if one is going to attempt to use bright / bold colors.

I was sickened to the point, that after seeing how bad her taste was, I didn't even listen to anything else this woman said... (that's some bourgeois shit aint it!!??) THEN, had the nerve to talk about the eroding character of this historic black neighborhood, and pulled out a book to show us all how glorious this area was and came to be known as the "Black Broadway" in the 40's & 50's.... Well do you think they had million dollar penthouse condos at the top of high-rise buildings back in the day too???? ... ignorant shit.....

And I haven't even got started on how we popped the cork on some champagne (Brut of course), and she asked me to poor hers as she held out a martini glass. I said, "Girl, c'mon I know you have champagne glasses, I saw them in your china cabinet" (full of mismatched shit), she just looked at me with this blank stare as if she didn't know what a champagne glass was and said, "But I want to drink it out of this glass!" and proceeded to have me fill her martini glass to the brim with champagne (another no-no for drinking champagne).

Maybe I'm too cultured for my own good. Because there is nothing worse to me than black folks trying to act all cultured, educated and concerned about gentrification of neighborhoods out of one side of their mouth, then they (poorly) imitate the exact forces that are the causes for the things they showed so much concern about...

but then it hit me.... these are potential clients.... I'm going to want the money of these million dollar fools!!!

I can see the dilemma I'm going to face as an architect and I'm going to have to go with my gut, and do what I think is right even if that means being poor. I'm willing to risk not having very many clients, because I wouldn't have people like this as clients for long... I'd have to tell this woman her taste is piss poor. {{{{grabs megaphone}}}} "MA'AM, STEP AWAY FROM THE COLOR WHEEL, STEP AWAY FROM THE COLOR WHEEL NOW!!!"

it became very clear to me that I would be miserable if I had to be a 'whore' and do whatever this woman wanted to do with her starburst infused penthouse. I could be setting myself up for a 'starving artist' existence, and I realize that... maybe once I have a wife and kids that I need to take care of, I'll become more business minded, but right now, I just can't take a job for the sake of making some extra cash.... I just cant...

~C

Quote of the week..

“It's about sticking to your guns and recognizing in yourself the capacity to be great no matter how many people (say) you don't have the capacity.” - Desmarais

yo, these chicks are wearing moon boots!!??

Can someone tell me when moonboots became cool again????

They look funny as shit to me.... I had some moon boots. The thick 4" rubber sole joints... y'all don't know nothing about that... that was like '79 or so....

I mean, you knew that you didn't break out the moon boots unless there was like 14" minimum of snow on the ground. It ain't even broke freezing here yet and folks walking around ready for the blizzard of the century... big ole scarves, ear muffs, fur coats, raccoon skin hoods.....

Whoever told these chicks that moon boots are cool, has played a cruel, cruel joke on you.

On their behalf, I'm sorry.

~C