thinking about the future...

So I just read one of these woman upliftment e-mails...

"A brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said "Yes". She began to expound..."As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money." I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just have to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot." "She replied, I'm worth a lot"...

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see ladies, this is the type of thinking that just gets you in trouble, and I'll tell you why.

to me, this is all about standards. standards we set for ourselves, and standards we set for others. And think about it like this, If you as a woman have everything going for you and don't need a man, the type of man you're describing probably doesn't need a woman. We both pay our own bills, we both dont need any help from anyone else... So where does that leave you?? Two people that don't NEED each other, trying to make the other person convince the other why they need each other... silly.... The most successful relationships I know work because the two people WANT to be with other and can overlook all the "what can you do for me" bullshit.

So often during courtship people present themselves as the ideal caring, sensitive, compassionate person in order to get the person that you want, only to later to find out they aren't always like that. I just came out of a relationship that had this problem. When we were dating and seeing each other once a week, I was able to give that person my all... during the time I saw her. When she moved in, I believe she expected that same level of attention and it just wasn't going to happen... I had been taking care of me the other 6 days of the week, so to expect the same level of attention every day that you received on that one day a week just isn't realistic.

I thought this would be obvious, but it wasn't... to her, I had set a standard for how she would be treated whenever we were together and in her eyes I imagine I failed miserably at upholding that standard. To me, I probably doubled / tripled the amount of attention she received from me, and I felt like at times I was giving up too much.... But that is the expectation / standard I had set.

The flip side of that is to be true to yourself and present yourself exactly as you are from the beginning so there will be no misconceptions later.

So for the record,
-When Illinois basketball is on TV, you are number 2
-I have chronic dirty fingernails. I clean my nails all the time and they still have shit under them.
-If I'm tired, I'm going to sleep regardless of whatever plans we had or how bad you want to have sex. It won't be worth it for either one of us in the end.
-If I''m hungry, I'm going to eat regardless of whatever plans we had. If I have to wait for you longer than an hour past what we planned on for food, I'm eating without you.
-I swear a lot
-I burb loudly
-I talk about farting and shitting like I talk about the weather
-My ambition for my career and my wallet will more often than not be more important to me than you are. It was there before you and in case we don't work out, it will be there after you. And most of the times, that's going to go for those 13-20 year friendships I've had before you were thought about.
-If you want mental stimulation, go read a book. My brain works hard all day, I don't need to come home and have it exercised by you.

So these are the disclaimers that I shall put forward on future first dates from this day forward.

Thank you all for this e-mail, it's made me rethink things as I go back into this dating scene and has actually made things much clearer for me.

~C