I can't wait to be a manager

I can’t wait for the day when I’m a manager of something. For real!

Sorry for the lack of writing lately, 61 hours at work last week, the last thing on my mind is turning on a computer and doing some pleasure writing.

I must explain to you what I am doing in order to allow you to properly feel my frustration. There will be some of ‘architecture talk’ for my non architect friends, so I apologize if you get a little lost.

I’m working on exterior wall sections for an 18 story building and we are still designing the profiles of the pre-cast concrete walls and studying the glass to pre-cast relationships in order to see what the building looks like with the glass at various depths.

So every time they move the glass in or out 1-2 inches, I have to change it on 18 stories on each of the four wall sections I’m working on which means approximately 72 changes. It wouldn’t be so bad, except that every time I change it, it takes me about 3-4 hours. And everytime they say, "This is the last time, we'll change this" But it only takes them 2 minutes to decide they want to change it. so by the time I get it all changed, they call..... and change it back.

Bastards!

Then on top of that, they move the pre-cast up or down a few inches or make the depths a little bigger or smaller which means that the relationships to the beams and concrete slabs change with every whim, which MEANS, that all of the connections between the pre-cast concrete and the slabs change every time! Don’t get me wrong, I’m learning a lot, but I’d rather be hanging out in my house in my bed since that MF Lionel is still on my couch!! (that’s a different story)

Before I was just ‘working at an architectural firm’ now, I truly know what it means to be ‘PAYING DUES’. , because I ain’t doing this shit forever. FUCK THAT! I need to be that MF that says, “yeah, move the glass in a couple of inches”, then naively states “that will take you a few minutes right?” When he KNOWS that shit is about to ruin my plans for the night.

Management is the key y’all. It wasn’t bad when I was working on projects small enough to be left alone to do my own thing. I understand that I’m not quite at the point where they’re going to lay an $80million project in my lap, but this ‘design by committee’ BS is killing me. Too many indecisive MF’ers who all think they know more than they actually do.

On top of that, all of the managers from the two architecture fims working on this (including my own) think everyone else at the other firm is an idiot. So, the reality of this whole situation is all of the intern architects are left in the office in the evenings and end up actually figuring everything out on our own to make sure the managers look good. My ass ends up stuck in the office until the wee hours of the night while the managers go home to their big houses, in rich suburbs they can’t afford to live in.

I need to be a manager for real.

O yeah, and that MF w/ the meatballs in his cheeks is still on my couch.

Since I wasn’t home that much last week , it was bearable, UNTIL this dude starts receiving mail at the house! I’m home on Saturday and the mailman rings the buzzer and asks if I have another roommate, I tell him temporarily, and he says “well you better put his name on the box because I had his unemployment check sent back yesterday” ……….

Okay first of all, my man is getting way too comfortable if he’s giving out my address as his own, and Secondly, I REFUSE to put his name on the mailbox, especially since he ain't paying a dime in rent, Lastly, giving out my address as the place to have his unemployment check sent!??

NAW, BRUH!!! YOU GOTS TO GO!!

So I gave him one week. In my mind he’s got two weeks max, but he doesn't know that. I told my brother who doesn't say anything that if he ain't gone like I said, I’m changing the MFing locks.

Did I mention that my brother is a spineless punk? I love him to death, but I suppose all those years of picking on him truly had a negative effect, and I feel like I am to blame, because the boy don’t have a confrontational bone in his body. "Do you think like, maybe, if you can, when you get the opportunity, at your convenience, you can pitch in a little bit on the bills, if you can, maybe?" What is that bullshit??? I'm trying to let him handle shit since it's his "friend", but I was like, "Hey yo, twenty on the heat bill ah-ight? Cool."

On top of that, I let Becky from the office give me a hand job on Sunday night in the office. I thought it might ease the pain, but instead it just made me realize that by living a life between the fools I live with and the one’s I work with I have officially lost my mind.

-c

CD of the moment: Compay Segundo - "Calle Sallud"

da chriz-onicles fool!!

This MF is still on my couch.

How is that some people just have a sixth sense about them. They can just feel it when you’re about to drop some shit on them. So somehow they drop some shit on you first that makes you not want to say whatever it is you had to say. It’s happened to me a couple times before this. I never see that shit coming and it pisses me off!! I'm too damn nice to folks sometimes I swear..

Exhibit A: girlfriend for an extended amount of time is just getting on your nerves to the point where you know you just can’t do it anymore. Whenever you finally get all worked up to let her go, ….. she apologizes profusely and promises she’s going to change…

Exhibit B: That LONG-time best friend of the opposite sex that you’ve always wanted to give the business, but somehow were content to stay in the friend zone, until you really start thinking about it… so you get up the nerve to tell her you want her and she says, “Before you tell me what you’re going to tell me, I’ve got to tell you something….. I’m in love!… now what was it you were going to tell me?” …. Er… um… nevermind.

And now Exhibit C: I was working on my “you’ve got one week before rent is due” speech, as I was laying in bed Sunday morning. Before I can even pour my O.J. Lionel’s dropping a sob story on me about his sick mom and how difficult this is and how he’s really trying to be respectful and stay out of our way and stuff and didn’t plan on it taking this long and wwwwuuaaahhh wwwuah wuah wuah wwwwwuuuaaaahhhhhh (Charlie brown teacher voice)

I don’t know how folks see that shit coming.

Lionel is now three weeks into his two week stay on my couch….. no job, thousands of leads, he ain’t busted a sud yet, but he knows how to start the damn dishwasher at 11:30 at night when I’m on my way to bed!

I can’t even enjoy my day off of work because the house is a mess. I already have to clean up after my sorry ass brother……

Okay, I vented, thanks for reading.

-c

my back is jacked

My back is jacked up like a M.F.

So I’m walking down the street, minding my own business, when a sheet of ice, slides underneath me and starts disco dancing. Needless to say, I never knew how to do the Hustle, so I busted my ass.

Two days later, I go to the doctor and he tried to order me a CT scan (sp?) for my back, but the director wouldn’t let him because he didn’t think the HMO would pay for it. So I tell the doctor, “Well then let me speak to the director!” So the director comes in (30 minutes later) and tells me unless they can prove that I have potential nerve damage, it is probable that they’ll make me pay for the catscan ($700). So he asked me shit like, “Do your toes tingle?” and “Have you ever woken up from sleep and been unable to move anything at all like you were paralyzed?” If that was the case, a hurt back would be the least of my damn problems!

This was the first time that I truly felt the whole “HMO’s suck” syndrome. Having to pay $10 when you go the doctor and only $3 for my painkillers is cool, but apparently, if something is really wrong with you, you’ll never find out because the HMO won’t give you the chance to. So I’m thinking about switching health plans. That’s what I get for picking the most inexpensive plan offered.

Anyway, we compromise on physical therapy, so I start tomorrow. Three times a day for three weeks. (you thought I was bullshitting when I said I’m all jacked up!) The other thing was that he put me on bed rest for five days, which was supposed to mean 3 days off of work.

But where is my ass??? Working 10-11 hour days because of deadlines. I figure even if I rest for the rest of the week at home, I’ll be working 13-14 hour days next week to catch up and that'll mess my back up all over again, so I didn’t take any days off.

(I’ve called myself an idiot for not taking days off, so you don’t need to do it too!) How often do you get a LEGIT doctor's note to take off of work??!!! I'm trying to compensate by coming in a little late, but it's not quite the same.

Needless to say, I’m in a lot of pain and need to have my ass at home.

I’ve got a couple of Becky’s from work that have offered massages, but I don’t think that is a road I want to walk down. Maybe if I ever got my union card, I’d be able to fish from the company pier, until then……

-c

CD of the moment: Vikter Duplaix – “DJ Kicks’

being profound...

I should try to write some profound shit more often.....

Usually, when I send these out, I don't get any response, I don't really expect any response. I write these for myself more than anything. Of course, I expect the normal "You're crazy man!" comment, but I know I'm crazy, so that's nothing new. It is a way for me to brush up on my writing, and it's a sort of therapy for me to help keep my thoughts straight ya know?

I didn't really expect the last listing to cause such a stir. All kinds of people wrote back with some quite profound statements of their own. I really wasn't sure what I was trying to say, or if I was even trying to say anything, just typing off the top of my head about whatever was on my mind at the time. It amazes me the things that people saw or read into what I wrote. So that has got me thinking about language.

Language is one of those funny things that allows us to communicate to one another, but I'm thinking that we're not really communicating to one another. Basically, I came to the conclusion that NOONE understands anyone else. EVER. Bear with me for a moment and let me explain.

Each individual person brings their own reality (experiences, friendships, meaning) to a conversation. It is nearly impossible for one person's reality to identically match another person's reality. Therefore if our words have a certain amount of intent behind them when we speak them, we assume that the other person understands what we're saying. So when someone says, "Knowhumsayin?", you agree because you don't feel like looking stupid or hearing them explain it again, but you don't really get what their saying! They ask, to ensure that you're getting what they say, but two people can rarely completely interact on the same wavelength.

For example, the word "love" means many different things to different people. Okay, I admit that may be a bad example, but you get my point. Meaning is never the same between the people speaking the words and the people hearing them. This was evident in the range of responses I got. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing in this case because many people raised points that I had never thought about. I'm not quite sure how they came to their conclusions from what I wrote, but nevertheless, thank you.

To see what spawned all of this, here is a sample of some of the responses I received (names have been deleted to protect the innocent):

-c

--------------------

As for the eras that appeared to be more cultural and stood for real things,

 A lot of that meaning and value given to the times were given after the

fact by later generations, give ours a chance...

Here's a couple of examples:

The brotha's and sistas that fought for civil rights did that so we wouldn't

 have too. Many of the  idealists and thinkers ARE the corporations that

you say is making society sedated and repetitive

There is no such thing as NEW...Things are just different, reinterpreted,

or repackaged.  Hell, even newborns are a copy or reinterpretations of the

parents

Art is our last refuge, cuz most music is crap or commercial, CLIENTS

are F'ing up architecture
 
Oh, and more sex please:-)
 
----------------------

From time to time i will respond to your 'chronicles' (whether you like

'em or not). Had to share my thoughts on this one...I understand what

you are saying. I've learned that I must always have an outlet from the

secular world because the more we move forward the UGLIER it's getting

with the lifestyles/attitudes/manners/words. People just don't care. They

justify their lack of knowledge, carelessness, selfishness, excessive use

of indulging as a result of something society is "making" them conform to

rather than helping to advance the world and themselves. Instead of going

the more 'conscious' route of searching within self and learning truth,

people rather take the easier way out and just wallow themselves into a

world of me and my satisfaction. 

As to the question of has everything been done (art, music, architecture/

design)? No, of course not. Some of us (human beings that is) have this

ideal that we are the sole creators of everything that is in existence...

uh no. We are not. What that says is that we are beyond the point of

egocentricity. The world revolves around what we say and do; and we can

treat the world any f_cking way we please. 

Truth is a frightening concept for many; so they choose not to deal with

it. That is why racism, sexism, terrorism exist and will continue to exist.

 As long as there are people willing to live in a world of denial (that

certain races are this way/this event never happened/whatever goes), folks

 will continue to live foul like they are and perpetrate a lifestyle that

many can't live up to.

-----------------

I believe that you may be in desperate need of a vacation.  Familiarity

kills adventure and you must have become very familiar with your

surroundings.  



You're right, society has been getting boring for a while now but think

about it for a moment. . . You are almost 30.  Think for another moment

about something as simple as ordering at McDonalds. . . you probably don't

give it a second thought. . . but when you w!

ere three or four years old and couldn't see over the counter, there was

a whole new world back there that you couldn't wait to be apart of and you

would die if daddy didn't pick you up to see.  Really think about it. 

 

---------------------------



Sometimes I think you would severely benefit from a type of Northern

Exposure type situation in which you were thrown out into the sticks for

a while. . . and I don't mean Springfield.  I mean a drastic change like

Beckly, WV where there are still roads that haven't been paved or street

lights.  You have experienced a lot of things in a short amount of time

which may be why you are feeling what you are. 

There is nothing new under the sun and history can ONLY repeat itself. 

Once the repetition begins, try to experience in new surroundings. 



--------------------------------

 Actually you are right on point. However, when we as a collective

decide to drop the material stuff and move into the realm of a more

spiritual based existance then I think we will enter a new age. Yes

many have claimed to have elevated themselves to this plain in the

past but if we look at it more often it was materialism coated with

a bit of spiritualism. We live in interesting times and so did the

people before us and so will the people after us but are you willing

to tap into that excitement. Initially, the price seems too high but

the returns are amazing, at least that is what I hear;-) 

-------------------------------

hey man, r u ok?? 

you sound pretty disgruntled, man.  you ain't gonna shoot up anyone, or

go join the taliban are you? 

--------------------------------



 Note: .......No, I'm not going to join the Taliban!

-c

thoughts at work

Random thoughts at work while I wait for drawings to print:


I feel like these times are devoid of anything anymore, like culture and
society, at least in the US, aren’t interesting anymore. It was like we went
through our tumultuous times 60s-80s and now corporations took over and its
all sedated and repetitive. Sometimes I wish I could live in another era
even if I would have to give up material comforts.
At least people thought and stood for real things..now anything anyone
thinks or stands for is dominated by what’s in "fashion" and what pop
culture dictates. Nothing is actually real.


Hollywood tries too hard to create something intriguingly powerful and new
when in fact they just are regurgitating old tricks and ideas no matter how
much they coat it all in the bizarreness of the characters and situations.
Art can be broken down pretty simply in my opinion. Maybe we have nowhere
left to go with art, music, architecture etc. Have we achieved all we can?
Is everything created just building and repeating the past, synthesizing it
but not creating anything new? Perhaps that's the beauty of this
“postmodern” world we live in. (Who the hell came up with that term anyway?)


One of my co-workers claims that 9/11 was the destruction of postmodernism
because the trade centers were pinnacles of postmodern architecture and
society. I dont give him much credit though he did smoke weed in the
bathroom at the Christmas party.


I think why people history is they feel that by vicariously living through
the mistakes, triumphs and failures of the past and their overall
experiences we don't need to follow the same road. Because in a way by
learning it we supposedly have lived it. Not completely but at least we are
informed, we have more artillery in our backpacks. I might be idealistic and
I am probably a fool.


I saw this girl from high school, cute girl, tall, mad pretty. She was
obviously coked up at 7-11 with some herb. I suppose she thinks coke is
glamorous but I think its pretty fucking trashy. Perhaps trashy IS
glamorous? People act like we are in some new desperate period, every time
period is full of desperation, people just never take the time to notice.
They are too busy worrying about their next promotion or the next happy hour
or what others think of them or how they're going to pay their rent or get
with that person that doesn't give a shit about them. Shouldn’t we have
learned by now from society's bouts with drug experimentation that the only
way to pave a new and interesting road is without drugs? I don't see the
fucking point. I'd rather enlighten myself than get enlightened by something
that some street corner capitalist hit me up with.


It’s all rather distressing, or maybe I’m crazy.


-c


CD of the moment: Me'Shell Ndegeocello - "Peace Beyond Passion"