.......... and I thought I was crazy. Here is what YOU had to say..................
Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it. I find it interesting to see all the responses and see how some people live in a dreamlike fantasy world, others have given up, and others are still trying to figure it all out just like me.
enjoy!
-c
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i swear, sometimes i think we are on some strange wavelength......the last e-mail i sent you was sent before i read your chronicles, i've been feeling the same way lately......
i still want to feel like the "lucky one". i'm sick of feeling like i'm bringing more to the table than she is. i wanna be able to say "i have no clue why she would wanna be with me, when their are so many others out there she could pick from." as of late i! find myself saying all too often, "of course, she would want to date me, her ex beat her ass, or her ex got a record, is a drug dealer, is a herb, is an asshole, etc.." i mean, when compared to her past i'm a fucking saint.....either that or her ass is just plain ugly.
ok, when i say ugly i don't mean her looks (i simply don't date ugly women), i mean that she has marks on her personality, attitude, or outlook on life. i consider myself a pretty goal-oriented person, and if you are content with filing papers all day it pisses me off. why would you spend your life under flourescent lights when you could do so much with this short life we're given.....it seems to be a waste. i am way off the point, i'm not sure ! if i'm talking to you anymore, or all the women i know will be reading this ;). i tell you curt, we are too much alike.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that when we start getting into the levels we are at, or more importantly going, it truly gets harder and harder to find that "one" for us. why??? because the quality women have been scooped up somewhere along their path of success. so that leaves us with two options: 1) find some beautiful chickenhead and except our losses, or 2) find a young goal-oriented woman who have not found their man yet.
when you come up with your enilghtened theory of problems with monogamy lemmie know. (I’m working on it bruh. I’m working on it! –c)
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I've been dealing with some of the same issues. Interestingly enough, I had to satisfy an anthropology requirement at school. The only course offered last semester was the Anthropology of Sex. I loved this class. I highly recommend reading the book, "The Myth of Monogamy."
Humans are not monogamous by nature, we are monogamous by choice. I don't expect that I'll be any less attracted to other men, just because I decide to get married. Monogamy is a rule society has imposed so that we can tell whose kids! are whose.
Since the sexual revolution in the 1960s, it has gotten really confusing with all the baby's mamas and daddies. I find this inefficient and financially crippling. I don't date men with kids because of the residual emotional entanglements and financial commitments.
I know it sounds silly, but men are more romantic than women. I know guys who are waiting for some woman to come along who is so great that she'll make them forget about every other woman. These same guys think that someone will come along who'll be fun to be around every waking moment. This is never going to happen!
Marriage is when you hang out together a lot and fasten each other's hard to reach buttons. If you have kids, then you trade off on holding the camcorder at their Little League game or ballet recital. when your spouses hand gets tired That's what life is about.
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A couple of years ago I started this pr! oject where I started asking married couples, "What is the secret to m arriage?" The men always replied with romantic notions like love and affection. The women always replied with more practical answers like respect, friendship and shared values. I asked this question at the Thanksgiving table with my entire family present. My aunt who has been married for 40 years turned to me and said, "Marry the man who is fucking you the best. Love is good and all, but sex is essential."
I'm looking for someone who makes me comfortable around them, like I feel when I'm hanging with my really good friends. I want to be with someone I can laugh with a lot. Having kids won't work unless I can laugh through it. Good sex is important. The willingness to please me is essential. I also need someone who is secure enough to give me space. I enjoy solitude.
I won't mind it my husband goes to the strip club with his friends. Hell, I'll even break him off with a stack of! singles. I don't want static if I decide to go to Puerto Rico with ******** and ********* for the weekend. I expect that my sex life will be reduced to Saturday mornings while the kids are engrossed in cereal and cartoons.
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I suspect that flowers and romantic dinners will be few and far between. I don't buy that my life will be like a soap opera or even a DeBeere's diamond commercial. If I'm lucky it will be closer to The Cosby Show. Only I won't be home from work before my kids get home from school. (That shit was really unrealistic. You can't make partner working the hours Claire Huxtable worked!)
The question is ARE you really tired of being single? Monogamy is not for everyone. It's not to say that some aren't capable of it. It's to say they CHOOSE to go the easier route. For some marriage can be for a lifetime; for others it will be for just a little while. But like anything we feel is important in our lives, you have to WORK at it. It's committing to every aspect of the relationship and being okay when it's not all good all the time. It can be a bitch and it can be beautiful; balancing the two.
Marriage is a relationship which many taint when they aren't prepared for it. To go into a relationship hoping to change a person or thinking life is going to be flowers everyday and romantic dinners is a fallacy. You have to stay realistic. We all have our good days and our bad. The relationships we have (whether it family, friends, etc.) aren't always the best or the greatest. But we ma! ke efforts to work at correcting the wrongs and keeping those bonds solid. If we don't, then of course they break.
I understand that friends around you are marrying for good and bad. But that should not pressure you into thinking that something is not right in your life; while this may or may not be true. It may not be your time.You have to do what is best for YOU. It may be being single all your life and that's NOT a bad thing.
We live in a world where we're always racing against the clock to get married/have kids/retire and before we know it time runs out. We're left feeling like we missed out on something while trying to cover everything. We have to navigate for ourselves. No one should force themselves or another to enter into something they TRULY do not desire to be in. It's not fair to either parties. Unfortunately you see a great deal of that happening. But then there are those who are doing right by marriage.
Whether single l! ivin' it up or happily married, you need to live YOUR life to it's fullest and have very few regrets when you look back. OK I've blabbed enough!
(Yes you have my friend. Yes you have. –c)
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Dude, You have a commitment problem...plain and simple! Call it tough love but its my honest opinion
Much love
(This is why I love my friends. –c)
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Curt, I really don't know what to say to you regarding this entry. You speak so eloquently that I am at a loss for words to respond. I am at a point in my life where I don't see myself ever getting married; however, I do believe in monogamy (Go figure).
With this belief, I feel that every person has different reasons for the way they see relationships and how they equate that to their individual happiness. Would I be happy in a relationship right now....(probably).
Would I be happy knowing that it would progress to the next step... (HELL NO. My ********* cheats on his wife and she is a great person (clueless) but very special. My ********** is in a marriage where she loves her husband, but is not IN love with him and only stays because of their child. I have another *********** who has been used and abused in her relationships resulting in kids w/o a father. I won't even get into my parents. Many of us come from this dysfunctional state, which is now considered normal in many sociological publishings.
I may have strayed away from the topic, which is monogamy but every aspect of monogamy must be considered i.e. trust, respect, love, and happiness. A couple can be monogamous and not have any of these things. If monogamy leads to the next step, why aren't all of these aspects a part of the big picture. Yes, one or maybe two exist, but how many people can say that they have it all.
Until I see those things, I will remain single.
(I hear ya mayne!!! –c)
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god help you, all the woman that you have sent this to will be writing 30 page dissertations in rebuttal to this one
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You'll know that your ready to get married when all of the things you mentioned aren't even an issue. I believe in MONAGAMY.....with my wife.
It helps if you wife is hot too :-) and having friends like you helps too. You staying true to the cause:BANGING AS MANY HOE'S AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Knowing that I was able to retire from the game and live happily ever after.
Listen: If you're not married, Monogamy is bullshit and unnatural! If I weren't married I'd be trying to hit every kinda woman out there (especially now, that I got a job and some money and they're just a horny as men are). Not everyone is meant to be monogamous. Hell there are only a few animal species out there that are.
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While I admit that I have turned down sex in my relationship more than I have been turned down, I don't want a man who is in tuned to my needs as a woman. If I really wanted someone tuned in to me, I would become a lesbian. That's the beauty of being heterosexual. We crave creatures we don't understand and that makes life real interesting (fun, too).
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Something that has always fascinated me is that I tend to get horniest at the most inappropriate, inconvenient times, like during a SportCenter or a really important televised sporting event or when he's on his way out with his boys. I realize that the pervading theory is that women get horniest when their man's attention is directed elsewhere or if they caught him staring at another woman earlier that day, but I'm not an attention hound nor do I trip about my man staring at other women.
My body is just uncooperative. I also always seem to end up dating guys who like morning sex. I'm a nocturnal individual. I don't truly wake up until around 2:30 p.m. I know, I know. I don't have to be an active participant in the morning sex, but I have yet to fall in love with a man who can do the morning sex thing without moving the sheets and letting sunlight seep in under the covers And they keep wanting me to take my head out from under the pillows.
Go figure.
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WHY you so bitter......I mean dag, you got people around you like your parents that are married. Are they living foul? I seriously doubt that. You need a hug don't you......ask someone in your office. I'm sure you'll get a few volunteers :o) You see, its not like you have a problem hollering at chicks, we had 2 chicks here in the office that saw you for like 5 mins and they thought your eyes were "dreamy".
And based on what I know of your Howard days, we know that you are a man for the people.
(thank you very much! –c)
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So you have established your "worth" a long time ago. Even now compared to the brothers out there, you have the brains, talent, and maturity to offer any woman what she wants and women realize this. But you see, you are always willing to take what comes your way and hump it for a bit then move on, it is very easy for you to meet women, so it is very easy for you to get ass. That's it EASY. You take the easy route.
(Well if it’s so easy then why do end up hanging out with ‘Latino Sexpots #45’ most weekends? –c)
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Perhaps being afraid of commitment is a bit strong...but you have done it once, and there are wonderful things that a relationship has to offer, but you focus on the drama in your writing.
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It is important to distinguish between Biology and Sociology. Biologically speaking, humans are not a monogamous species. And while male humans feel the pressure to copulate with varied partners more than female humans, we aren't any more monogamous by nature.
The reason why humans, especially female humans, are socialized to form steady pairs for mating is to make it easier to know whose kids are whose.
There is also a biological explanation for why women place a greater emphasis on the emotional connection during sexual intercourse. The female human body releases hormones into the bloodstream during sexual intercourse that induces a certain feeling of attachment to their sexual partners. So basically, we're not in love with ya'll, we're high.
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Well, you know I had to respond to this. Cheating is a gray area, but there are some general rules. When you've verbally made the agreement to keep the relationship exclusive, it's a commitment. Folks who like to break it down to various degrees are just finding ways to condone the wrong they feel they're doing. "Well, I only kissed him once or we only had sex one time and it meant nothing". It's cheating.
Conscience is getting to them. I disagree with the notion that women believe cheating to only be about sex. If anything, more men believe that to be true. Cheating's when one of the "committers" steps out of that relationship/agreement and connects with another. It can be physical, emotional or verbal.
(verbal cheating?? –c)
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If there is an action one is doing that has to be "kept away" from the significant other, then it's cheating. Because it's saying that you are not comfortable sharing that part of you with the person you are committed to. Now this doesn't mean one can't privately meet with your wife's/girlfriend's friend to plan a surprise for her. !
(so if it’s all about you, it’s not a problem… right….. –c)
Or hang out with the boys and do the things you do. An example is on this show "King of Queens". There was a situation where one of the married guys started to meet with an old friend for dinner; without sharing this with wifey. Over time these dinners and intimate conversations became very important to him. He even asked his friend to refrain from sharing this activity with his wife.
Why, if it's not cheating. No sex was involved, but the emotional bond was there on both ends. He kept his involvement a secret. It was cheating. People can be in relationships outside the exclusive, but "awareness" of the other relationships is the difference. Many people don't realize that being intimate with someone is not just the act of sex. It's ma ny things. It's close interactions - physical or verbal with someone.
We all fantasize and look; we're human. But it's acting on those impulses. If you want to dibble dabble then do it FREELY without the ties. But if you make the commitment, STICK to it! THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA! I know I'm everywhere on this, but it's how I'm feeling.
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We're all trying to figure it out while we live actually, i came to that realization after i broke up with ************ the last time. i figured that i wanted to keep myself free until a woman came along that just knocked me right on my ass, then everything would be good. it didn't happen. don't think i haven't been looking either, because i have but there is something wrong with EVERY chick that i come across, i really don't get it. think about how many women you pass in just one day.........to have to realize that not one of them is worth !
my time is a very scary thought.
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like you, I feel like many women out there are very fuckable, but that's not what i'm looking for anymore. of course i need physical stimulation, but to have emotional stimulation, with financial and emotional stimulation is just asking for too much. Cheating to me is more than just physical it is about the connection between two people.. There is no gray area..
You know you have cheated when you can't tell your partner about a certain situation that occurred with someone else out of fear of losing what you have.. Or what the other person thought they had.. People can make so much more out of a situation than what it really is.. We get so caught up in how we feel, what makes us feel good, who looks good, who strokes our ego... I could go on and on..
What we seem to forget is that those are the things that should make up your relationship as well as a case full of others.. Lets try loyalty, respect, faith, love, commitment, mutual goals and aspirations.. See these are the things that you have with the one you l! ove.. And I wish that I could write this across the sky...
WHEN YOU HAVE THOSE THINGS WITH SOME ONE YOU LUST FOR THEM MORE...Yes boys and girls, you actually feel more attraction for them because you are connected by not just physical appearance but more on a spirtual level.. Please... I'll stop now because I think what I said just in the previous sentence is a moutain for some people to digest.. Not to just read...Please pass on for the good of mankind..
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dude.........your full of shit. but you make your shit sound sooo good!!!
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