the thong dilemma

"YOU BETTA DON'T!!"



... the closing line of that new McDonalds commercial 'isn't not'

funny........  they really need to take that shit off the air.



So still waiting on my precious HBCU to get their shit together... so

now

that I'm taking on this new Professor Curtis persona I think I'll need

to start talking about more important things in the chronicles.. you

know, if I'm going to be an intellectual, a leader to the youth of the

future, I must lead by example and pass on the knowledge that I have

gained from my life experiences.  As a professor, I should be able to

see the world with different eyes and locate those things that need

to be pointed out to the young people of today.



For my first topic of intellectual wizardry, I'd like to speak to all

of the young ladies.  I've seen them all around campus, compared them

with women downtown, professional women who take the train to and from

work and there is a very serious issue that needs to be addressed and

that is:



the art of concealing panty lines.



As a man, I'm looking at your ass.  I don't care what you look like,

how you walk, or what you have on.  I'm going to look at your ass.

If you're fine, then a sexy ass is just icing on the cake.  If you're

not, then I'm at least hoping that your ass is your redeeming quality...

either way, I'm going to check it out.



Panty lines tell a lot about a woman, but I just want to clear up a big

misconception.  Just because you wear a thong with your ann-taylor-esque

pants, don't mean I can't see the thong!! It just means that now I know

you wear sexy underwear!  It used to be that you could tell the freaks

by whether or not a woman wore a thong.  Now, everyone wears thongs so

it's  just not a given once you see the thong.  Pretty much by this age,

we understand that everyone does everything (or at least can be talked

into doing anything) so as we grow older we no longer use the thong as a

judgement of character.



Anyway, I can see the dilemma, because armed with this bit of

information,  what do you do?  If you wear big underwear, than we think

you're a prude.  But this is more than likely the best thing to portray

to others anyway!  Think about it.  As a woman, this world consistently

objectifies and makes women buy into this idea of being sexy and it's all

so we can look at your ass all day.  We're not going to comment or make

moves on you, but in the back of our minds, we know "she wears thongs

everyday."  So when we work with you or talk to you, it just peaks our

interest a little bit more.  But my theory is that if women wore big

underwear all the time, it would say, "I'm about business.  I have no

time to be sexy."  .... and this is a whole other level of sexiness!!!

The 'hard-to-get' role is always much more sexy than the woman who wears

her sexiness on her sleeve (or her ass in this matter).



So the solution?



No underwear at all.



We don't understand it when we look at your ass.  We're now conditioned

to look for the thong.  We expect you to be on the typical 'sexy ass'

vibe.  Before men understood thongs, we did seem to think that a thong

was a way to avoid pantylines.  But not anymore.  Now you just have thong

lines, which isn't any better.  So wearing no underwear gives us the

impression that A. you are a genius and have solved the panty line problem.

or B. you don't have any underwear on.



More often than not, we don't assume B.  We're not conditioned too.  So

we think you've solved the problem.  We know the little tricks with white

pants and how you wear flesh colored underwear to hide the thong, but if

the pants are tight enough (and why wouldn't they be?) we'll still see the

outline of the underwear.  Some of these young girls aren't even ready to

have this conversation and that's okay.  but when they get there, let them

know, no underwear is the answer.  I mean seriously, what is a thong really

doing anyway?  These little pieces of fabric are getting so small I could

almost floss with them.



I don't have the solution to how you keep cooch juice off of your pants

though when you wear no underwear... jeans I can understand, but dress

pants?? not sure how you do it... maybe pantyhose or something??? maybe

one of you women can enlighten me... us men are dying to know.



~C



CD of the moment: Miles Davis - "In a Silent Way"