I met this girl a little while back when I had a friend in town visiting.
She told me she was a stripper and by the way she was dressing, I believed
her. She was real cute, had the low cut jeans that almost showed the top of
her butt crack with the thong popping out and rising about 4 inches up her
hips. We talked for a bit and when I started to walk away, she was like,
“Wait, where are you going?”
I told her I’m going home, I’m tired, but she could give me a call if she
wanted.
She never called, then on my birthday, I bump into her and said, “Hey, you
took my business card, placed it in your little gold case and never called
me, I want you to reach in there and give it back to me so I can give it to
someone else who will actually use it.”
I explained to her that I wasn’t trying to be rude, but if she’s not going
to call me, then why bullshit me? Just give me the number back and
everything will be cool. Needless to say, she bought it and promised to
call me.
So about a week and a half later she gives me a call and we decide to go out
to eat on Friday. I came home from work and fell asleep and almost missed
our appointment. I called and exclaimed that I had left her number at home
and I was JUST getting home from work. (you know you’ll have to deal with
this type of thing if you want to be with a Corporate Brotha)
It’s too late, she had already made plans but she tells me to meet her and
her friend at the swanky W hotel around 10:00. I’m there about 15 minutes
half way through a $8 Jack and coke when they arrive and tell me that they
haven’t eaten yet. I apologize and let her know that since we weren’t
eating together, I went ahead and ate assuming she would eat too. She says,
“Well we didn’t eat. Will you buy us dinner?”
“…………………………………………………………………… ’scuse me?”
“Will you buy us dinner?”
Now you have to imagine that we are at one of the hottest, pricest, most
prettiest hotel bars in Chicago right on Lake Michigan and she wants me to
buy BOTH of them dinner.
I look her straight in the eye and say,
“Naw, I’m good. I already ate.” Trying to play the idiot, she assumes I
don’t understand.
“No, will you buy US dinner.”
“ …………No, I’m good I already ate, but if you two want to eat, then go
ahead.”
Needless to say, they decided not to eat. I should’ve know when I saw the
Prada and Coach purses juxtaposed with prison tattoos on the ankles that I
was dealing with some club hoes, but I try to give everyone the benefit of
the doubt.
We decide to sit down and they start talking amongst themselves and decide
to order a couple drinks. One had a Chocolate martini and a ‘Hennessey
straight w/ a splash of OJ’ for the other.
Me: “Once you throw OJ in it, it’s not really straight anymore”
Her: “yeah, but it’s straight until you put the OJ in it.”
Me: “ …………….. yep, it sure is.”
I so ‘conveniently’ had to go to the restroom as their drinks arrived. I
stop by the bar to pick myself up a new drink on the way back to the couches
we were lounging in. I get back to my seat and the tab is still sitting
there and the waitress comes back and asks if they wanted to start a tab or
just settle it now. They both look at me. I look right back at them and
finally one says, we’re still working on it.
That check sat there for the entire time we were sitting there. Finally,
they say they’re trying to get to this other party so they can get in for
free. As they get up I say,
“Well, you better settle that tab up before you go.”
…. They were speechless, sat back down and complained about how they weren’t
going to make it to their party before midnight. I remind them that a $10
cover isn’t that much if it’s a phat party. Besides, they let their check
sit there for about 25 minutes.
The ‘friend’ says, “We are V.I.P. We don’t pay to get in anywhere, we don’t
buy our meals and we SHOULDN’T be buying our own drinks! Understand??!!
WE’RE VEE EYE PEE!!!”
I calmly look at her and say, “Calm down Ms. V.I.P., you’ll make it to your
party in time. God forbid you have to pay a cover charge like everyone
else.”
THEN, they were discussing whether or not they should leave a tip! I can’t
stand a cheap woman. I mean I REALLY can’t stand that shit. When they were
trying to figure out how much they should leave for their 2 drink martini
tab which was $25, I recommend $3 or $4 would be appropriate for a fine
establishment such as the one we were in. They looked at me like I was
CRAZY!! Then the girl I had met said, “I’m a woman, I don’t have to tip!”
I couldn’t help but laugh in the girl’s face. They reluctantly left $2 and
said that if she didn’t come get it in 2 minutes, she was going to take it
back……
Needless to say, we said our goodbye’s and I doubt I’ll hear from her again.
I don’t think I need anymore V.I.P’s in my life.
-c
CD of the moment: Little Louie Vega – “Mad Styles & Crazy Visions”
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