Dear Shaq,
Thank you very much. Because of your stupid ass Burger King commercials I
can’t enjoy a damn BK Broiler anymore without your silly mug and that
kool-aid smile popping into my head. The double cheeseburger meal was my
favorite for a while before I turned into a pig and would hit the Whopper on
the regular. I even used to just pop in to get the Hershey’s Sunday pie for
a little sweet snack, but I can’t do it anymore.
You and that ugly ass jacket with the flames always pops into my head thus
preventing me from truly enjoying my food. I hear that annoying Shaft
knock-off music they play during the commercial and see you getting out of
that car that is way too tiny for your size 22’s. It is so incredibly
stupid looking that it is annoying, yet I can’t forget!
So if I ever, eva, eva eva eva eva eva EVA see you in person, I’m going to
kick your big ass in the shins for fucking up my Burger King experience.
-c
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