Travelling on the company's dime

I'm thinking there isn't much quite nicer than travelling to foreign lands with someone else paying for it.

Granted, I'm a single guy with no obligations to anyone / anything except for myself, so it makes it real easy for them to send me halfway around the world at the drop of a hat. I don't mind. My biggest problem is going to be boarding my bird for a week... She'll hate me when I get back... :(

You know it's bad when you have to look up on a map the location of where you're going. I hadn't even heard of this country before!! But of course, when I speak about it, I play it cool like I knew all along... dropping facts that I just learned, etc... "Oh yeah, well it was colonized by the French in the late 1800's... blah blah blah..." I wonder sometimes if people can see through me when I'm clearly bullshitting... The trick to being a good bullshitter is to actually believe what you're saying... well, that's the way I play it most of the time..

My only request, if I'm going to be on planes for over 20 hours is to put me in business class. I'll be damned if I'm flying half way around the world in coach... fu*k that. Plus I'll get to hang out in the airport lounges and act like I belong, talk to strangers who are also acting like they travel business class all the time.... I should practice a real loud and hearty laugh that doesn't sound condesending.... "Business Class for dummies" told me I have to have one of those obnoxious laughs if I'm going to blend in like I belong. Actually I'm just looking forward to the free likka on the plane.

And THANK THE LORD for whoever figured out how much per diem (food money) you should get when you travel. My weekly budget for food is equal to one day of my Per Diem, so I'm going to try to hit a record store or something. I wonder if they'd cut me my per diem check before I left???? Per Diem is such a cool word to say... just kinda rolls off the tongue... You know you've made it at your office when you're talking about per diem and stuff... I used to hear bosses at my old firm talk about per diem and I didn't know what the hell it was. But now I think I do...

Per diem means "strip club money". Unless I'm eating like a king at EVERY MEAL or just HAVE to eat at the finest restaurants all the time, I find it hard to believe that I could spend $70 a day on food every day. So there is no other explanation other than some old white guy that has roman numerals at the end of his name figured out a way for the company to pay for his trips to the titty bars.

So Mr. Unamed White Guy with Roman Numerals After Your Name, I salute you.

~C