the one lone confession

Y'all were slacking this year on sending me confessions. Last year, you all really dropped some deep confessions on me to share to the world... I was truly touched. But this year, either y'all solved all your problems, don't read the blog anymore or just said "fu*k that shit" this year.

In any case, you all are lucky as I received one lone confession that trumped all others and warrants its own special mention. Here is a man who is pouring his soul out for all of the world to see how much he loves his wife...... so beautiful .....

{{{{ insert dramatic pause here}}}]

I have to laugh though. If this was a complete stranger, I wouldn't laugh, I'd have some sympathy for him, but y'all should know this is my guy. I've known him for a long time and I'm not being evil by laughing at him, its just, if the tables were turned, he'd be laughing at my ass!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not clowning my man because he truly poured his heart and soul into this, but I just don't get it yet. I WANT TOO, trust me I want to, and there have been women in my life that I have really tried to take this step with and never has worked out... sometimes I fuck up, sometimes they fuck up, sometimes my fuck-ups are too much for them to overcome, and sometimes their fuck-ups are too big for me to overcome, but I've tried to be where this man is.

But since I'm not, I have the pleasure of being able to laugh at dudes that are completely sprung on their woman. It cracks me up to hear men talk about how much they love doing jigsaw puzzles with their girl. I know, ladies, y'all think this is beautiful, I think its funny. Not funny in a "Chappelle joke" kinda way, but in more of a "slipped on a banana peel" sorta way... you know where you look up once you realized what happened and everyone is standing around you staring at you.... and all you can do is laugh with them because you're not sure how you ended up on the ground with jigsaw puzzle pieces in your hand, but you're there and you smile and embrace it.

I hope you all will be able to laugh at me like this one day. But until that day comes, we'll laugh at this guy:

~C

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here it goes

i confess that i REALLY like being married. i thought as a long time player (if i do say so myself), that marriage would cramp my style, or not be suited to me, but the truth turns out to be quite the contrary. i used to look at married guys and watch them following thier mates, or obeying some instruction put forth by the significant other and i would be glad i wasn't in thier shoes. i mean why would i wanna be them, i had it all, right?

i had beautiful women calling me, 50% of which i had sex with and enjoying the pursuit of the next 50%. every once in awhile there would be some blow up argument to tell my boys about, or maybe i came across some new sexual experience. you just NEVER knew what the next weekend would bring, the only thing you did know was that it would be different from the last.

until i met the one. now, some people know right away that it is the one, which is great. all i knew was that this was different in a way i couldn't describe. the feeling was different. it was a cocktail of love, respect, fun, sex (the cock and the tail), and friendship. of course, i can describe it now. being in the midst of ass and prospects of more, all i knew was that this wasn't the same as that puerto rican girl i slept with after a long night of drinking in the basement of the club. i didn't sleep with her that night, and i actually wanted to hang out with her to have fun and do something, not just to win her over so we can have sex.

maybe once or twice before i've felt like hanging out with the opposite sex for fun, but never lasted more than a month. as the months turned to years, i think the prospect of marriage pops up on its own accord without much prompting from either party involved. alhtough i had been faithful, the terror of the possibility of not getting different ass when you might want to is a scary thought. scary as shit!

many people react in many different ways by lashing out through resentment, cheating, breaking up, becoming introverted, becoming overly extroverted, hanging with the fellas, or surrounding yourself with women, amongst others. i am not so proud to say that i did do a few of the above listed, but it was done out of ignorance. ignorance, because the true root of all these actions and feelings is fear. fear of change. fear of a paradigm shift of your life as you've been living it up to this point. i mean, how could a brotha who loved every nuance of a new piece of ass, spend the next 60 years with the same one?? i don't care how good your favorite flavor of kool aid is, you can't make that your only beverage for the rest of your life, and think about how many "favorite" beers you've had in the past 5 years, c'mon.

then it happened. the day came and went mostly cheer and anticipation, but also a small shadow of doubt. can i REALLY do this?

Absolutely. i garden with my wife, we play jigsaw puzzles (that's right, jigsaw puzzles, dammit!!!), we have fun. we go out, though not as much as we did while we dated, and we make lifelong plans together. the love is completely different from when i was dating. i look back and see how dumb i was to criticize all those guys in the stores and obeying thier woman, because that is only one aspect of the relationship. i never asked the question, WHY is this grown man following this woman around like that? obviously, he is of sound mind, therefore there must be something worth the grotesque display. There definitely is.

when you find the right one, there is something that marriage does to the relationship. it jumpstarts the feelings involved, it heightens love, makes you more anxious about losing them, you spend more time thinking about them. thier welfare is now your welfare and it touches every facet of life. everyday my love grows exponentially, to a point now that without her by my side i could not and would not go on without her.

from player, to spectator. and i wouldn't have it any other way