So here is the story:
Went out with my realtor about a week ago and saw this house I really liked. It was everything that I was looking for in a house. It had good bones, character and lots of potential. The difference between an unrenovated house and a 20,000 renovation is about 100,000 in the asking price. It's ridiculous. There is a house, exactly like mine, but renovated with the stainless steel appliance, granite countertops, and all of the superficial things that make people think its a top flight renovation, and it is literally $100,000 more than the one I'm buying.
I suppose people would rather pay for the convenience of having something finished already. I can tolerate substandard living conditions for an extended period of time if I know there is a payoff in the end. I totally attribute this mentality to my months travelling across Europe with one bag and the same two pairs of pants. I'm saying, I know I'm not having a dinner party anytime soon, but the place is livable for me, while I'm doing the renovations over time.
The first time I went there, there was two random couch cushions, banana peel and a 20 oz can of Schlitz in the kitchen. We couldn't quite tell if it was a squatter or if it was stuff that had been left behind, but the banana looked pretty fresh. Well, I went back a second time with a contractor friend of mine to really get a good gauge on how much renovation work is needed and there was MORE stuff in the living room, as well as a knife sitting on the makeshift bed.
No one was there again, but this time as we're going to lock up the place a brotha with liquor on the breath rolled up and said,
"say.... say.... say bruh....... let me holla at you for a minute........."
now, whenever someone you don't know walks up to you and says this, you know their about to ask you for some shit. If I'm in the grocery store and I want to know where the Windex is, I'm going to go up to the guy in the green shirt and say, "Where's the Windex?" If I roll up to the guy in the green shirt and say, "let me holla at you for a minute...." It's usually going to be followed by something like, ".. you think you can hook me up with a discount on that blue stuff?"
So he continues, "yeah...., um....., so...., like......, it's like this........."
This is another tell tale sign, someone is going to ask you for some shit, if they're taking too long to say what they gotta say....
Then he rants, "The realtor lady from before told me I could stay here, and keep watch on the appliances to make sure nobody takes them or nothing like that, see I was renting the place when she put in on the market, and, um, she said I could keep an eye out on things. So you know if you want I can clean the place up for you and have it all looking good and stuff, but I'm just keeping an eye on things to make sure you know nobody takes the appliances. They'll all be here when you move in and if you need help carrying some stuff I can lift like 2-3 hundred pounds because that's why the realtor lady has me doing this job and my name is Wayne so if you need anything, just holler at Wayne. So that is why this back door is unlocked so that I can just come in and keep an eye out on things."
First of all, why do drunks repeat themselves over and over again?
So, I have an alcoholic named Wayne living in the house I'm about to buy. Wayne has English muffins, OJ, and beer in the fridge and is there to keep an eye out on my appliances. As this is going on, I'm thinking to myself, this is going to make a good chronicle.... Then I got home and thought to myself all of the great stories that might commence with me and Wayne if I got this house. The things I do for y'all I swear.
So I guess I'll find out soon if I got this place or not. I might just be a homeowner this week with an outlandish mortgage payment.... sonuvabitch...
~C
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