The sexy optometrist said: "you need glasses..."

".... for driving in the rain"

So I haven't been to the eye doctor in something like 7 or 8 years... My vision has always been "almost" perfect as a kid so I never really worried about it, but increased hours, increased headaches and the occassional eye palpitation from lack of sleep spawned an eye doctor visit.

After going through the headache of the insurance verification and finding a provider 'in my program' (which I ended up just asking people in the office who wear glasses), I made my appointment.

A Lebanese-esque woman appears and looks at my address and immediately says, "I live near you!" (racial stereotype of the day: I only sais she is Lebanese because she loves a restaurant in the neighborhood called Lebanese Taverna... sad isn't it). All this smiling in my face and genuine concern for the health of my eyes had a brotha's guard down. I'm not saying she was flirting, but she was just friendly.......

Don't get me wrong, I've got my ladyfriend at home so it's not like I was looking or nothing, but I wasn't voted biggest flirt in my high school Senior year book for nothing right??!! Then just drops the M bomb on me.... "yeah, my husband and I LOVE living up in that area..."

I'm like, "Sexy Palestinian girl, you coulda dropped that earlier before all this smiley smiley business." In any case, she thinks I have a slight stigmatism and should wear glasses for driving at night... and for driving in the rain. I'm not an optometrist so what does mama nature needing to take a piss on the earth have to do with this?

Then she says, "and if you want, you can try wearing them during the day to see if they help reduce the strain on your eyes while you work..." I woulda bought the argument if she said, wear them when you're at the computer and it will improve your eye strain or something like that, but wear these when you drive in the rain?? I guess it's some far-sighted mumbo jumbo I don't understand.

So now I have a MAJOR aesthetic decision to make for my face.... the disappearing frameless I'm in denial that I have to wear glasses joints, i.e. the anti-glasses glasses or on the other hand the designery big bold framed, "hey look at my face I'm an artsy fartsy architect" type of glasses... to choose anything in between would be a waste of time I believe...

I found this article that says certain frame types make certain face shapes look better, but who would have the balls to classify their own face as an upside down triangle when the article states that an 'oval' shaped face is the optimum face shape? Well if oval is optimal, then my face is oval gotdammit..

all this shit to think about... like skin tone... check this out from the article:

"Skin tone is the prime element in determining coloring. All complexions fall into one of two color bases — blue (cool) or yellow (warm). A cool complexion has blue or pink undertones, and a warm complexion has a "peaches and cream" or yellow cast. Olive skin is considered cool because it is a mixture of blue and yellow. (In the United States, cool, blue-based complexions are more common than the yellow-based warm complexions. About 60 percent of the population are "cools.")"

I ain't blue, and I'll be damned if I'm going to CLAIM yellow after all the high yella jokes I've endured throughout my life... And olives come in a plethora of choices so when one says, "olive" how in the hell is anyone supposed to know what that means?

choices choices choices....

~C

CD of the moment: Buena Vista Social Club presents Ibrahim Ferrer R.I.P.

The fake black rock manifesto

... interesting discussion from over at Okayplayer, where it has struck quite a chord. I was unaware of this trend as I usually avoid all places where hipsters congregate, but apparently it is epidemic? What sayest thou, is his gripe legit or is he just hating?

~C

for the whole discussion go here: Friends don't let friends 'Black Rock'

We all have that friend.
First, they started growing out their hair, invested buying a sh*tty casio keyboard and recorded fake demos with the worst neo soul had to offer. They quit after acute incense poisoning.
Perhaps they went through their mcing phase, where their fifteen year old cousin made them fisher price beats that they claimed they couldn’t find a market because they were too real, but couldn’t find a beat if it was broadcasted in Braille.
Maybe they changed their name to Orange Moon Flower Asata Mandingo X, started writing poetry LIKE….this to be HEARD…on the localpoetryslam CAFÉ, to LET out all the POEMS theyhadabouthow GOOD their VAGINA or PENIS tastes…..*twenty second pause for inflection*
Anyway, when you go visit your want to be artist friend and there’s an Afropunk sticker on his door.. You see a Fishbone cd where you didn’t see one before. And they have a brand new Fender Stratocaster in the corner of the room.
Please, break that sh*t. Snip the strings,, scratch up the pickups, piss on their amp.
I remember back when there was a heavy stigma involved in being black and liking rock music. It still exists today, but it seems that for many it’s a badge of coolness. Considering the current crap I ve been forced to listen to, I wonder if kids getting clowned for having a Nirvana tape was a bad thing.
Today, after stumbling on the last straw of this current black rock bandwagon on myspace by one of our very own OKP, I ask you to stop the madness.
It’s a horrible assault to mankinds ears. It doesn’t rock in a Metallica way, it doesn’t rock in a Nirvana way, it doesn’t rock in a Matchbox 20 way, hell, it doesn’t hold a candle to Kelly Clarkson.
Who could I blame? Saul? Pharell? Ive got no clue.
Stop rap-rocking. Stop playing horrible ska. Stop with the two chord attack, the horrible drum programming (you should really be ashamed of this one considering your hip-hop backgrounds) the god awful pseudo angry hooks. Stop prancing around in a f**ked up hairfro cut thinking your PJ Harvey. Stop not claiming hip-hop because you think it gives you cred. You f**king suck.

**** has raged long and hard about how current rock music can hardly be called black music. And while I disagreed at the time, you f**ks aren’t helping the argument. At least buy a rock cd before attempting to tackle the genre. The funny thing is, to make halfway decent rock music you don’t necessarily need ‘chops’. Name all the good modern rock singers. Exactly. Name the last interesting riff you heard? EXACTLY. But it does take an understanding of what makes good rock music, and what doesn’t. None of us can explain what hip-hop is, but we all damn well know when we hear it. Doesn’t take a genius.
Which apparently most of you Johnny Come Lately’s don’t have.
Luckily, most of you suck enough that you won’t make too much of a buzz above ground. But, for the sake of the Fishbones, the Living Colors, the 24-7 Spyz, goddamned Bad Brains who struggled for years to apparently have the path they laid out for be filled in by no frills artists trying the current cool genre, have mercy. For fans of all music, please stop being artists period. Go back to your corporate jobs, your college classes, smoke a bowl and watch Wonder Showzen and realize while your ambition is big, your talent is nil.
The madness must stop.

on: teaching evolution vs christianity

Every year there is always this debate about whether or not evolution should be taught in public schools. The private schools get all up in arms about evolution being taught, but public schools never get bent out of shape that creation gets taught.....?

I think this is about ego. No one has the balls to get up and say, "Hey, you know what, neither one of us knows how in the hell we got here for sure." Is it too much to ask of our teachers to say, there are two widely held theories about the beginning of time, here they are.

Would our children not learn that it's okay to "not know" the answer sometimes. Couldn't they see that we are human just like they are and maybe they would be able to see that we are human just like they are. Instead, we have to be perceived as the all-knowing adults who end up banging our heads together in an argument that can only end with "I know you are, but what am I".

It all comes down to faith and beliefs (and science depending on who you ask), but the best thing we could teach our children is that there are alternative points of views other than ours and we all co-exist with one another despite our differences. These differences can create healthy debate and discussion, but it's a shame that G-dubs 'big-bad texan-american-with-us-or-with-the terrorists' rhetoric is taking hold of the rest of the country.

Kids aren't stupid, we knew when we were getting duped as a child... for example, I knew that whole noah's ark thing was some bullshit because there is no way that ardvarks, polar bears, and camels all co-exist in the same micro-climate that happened to be the loading point for the ark. I was like, c'mon playa, you expect me to believe that EVERY animal in the universe got a male and female on that boat and they just peacefully co-existed through Hurricane Jesus???

GTFOOHWTBS!!

~C

CD of the moment: Kevin Yost - "Future Flashback"

Planet of the Retired Apes.

Yesterday I was reading this article in The New York Times Magazine (sundays) and the article was about a retirement home for chimps.

Apparently they were chimps that were used in NASA and biomedical research. They were taken from Africa and brought here for that purpose. Anyway the retirement home is in Louisiana, it has a wonderful view, and the chimps have TV, CD and DVD players, a lifetime supply of banana smoothies and all the other amenities humans would want.

Plus this place is federally funded.

That's right tax payers like you and I are actually paying for this and apparently an act was passed at the end of Clinton's administration to protect them. All this for some Chimps.

Why not let them live out their old age in their hometown in Africa. Is this the chimp equivalent of forty acres and a mule? I'm saying, if they gave it to the chimps... what about us??

~C

CD of the moment: Esthero - "Wikked Lil' Girls"

another hot day in DC

DCcollage, originally uploaded by cinnamon.stick.

... sometimes photos tell a story better than words can...

~C

Dentist chair thoughts...

I seriously hate the dentist yo.

I’ve been eating candy all my life… I eat it during the day, snack on mints, drink soda all day, smoke occasionally and basically don’t take care of my teeth. I mean, I brush twice a day with my electric toothbrush, but that’s about it. I floss like 3 times a year and because I don’t do it frequently, my gums bleed when I do so… so I hate flossing.

So years of childhood memories eating everlasting gobstoppers, and my grandfathers homemade 2” diameter candy canes, my teeth are jacked…

As I sat in the dentist chair, trying to take my mind off of the idea that a complete stranger is digging into my mouth, the following went through my head:

Why are dentists like psychologists, motherly figures, doctors, sociologists, and part-time comedians all wrapped up into one creepy package? So I get the three degrees about not flossing, not working out enough, eating candy, etc… then he puts me on a “plan”… Dentists always want to put you on a plan to keep coming back and giving them your money.

I’ve been eating candy for as long as I can remember, it was one of those things that old ladies always pulled out of their purses behind my parents back. So I grew up thinking that candy was one of the luxuries of life that my parents were determined to deprive me of next to staying out past the streetlights being on and owning a pair of Air Jordans.

It’s weird how your early childhood experiences and memories seem to shape your entire life….. One of my first memories is falling backwards down the stairs of my house, so I rarely if ever turn my back to stairs. I actually think I was pushed though… My parents used to throw parties in our basement and all I remember about these parties (besides having to share my toys with complete strangers) is waking up with strange kids in my bed in the morning, wiping the sleep out of my eyes, going downstairs, and these fools were still up in my house playing cards?? I think it was the daughter of one of these folks that pushed me down the stairs…. Since my parents don’t have any friends with daughters that are older than me, I think it’s safe to assume they were no longer friends after their kid pushed me down the steps.. ?

I have a coffee table from IKEA that has got to go, but I’ve dragged it around my last two apartments and out to DC from Chicago last year, so I feel like it somehow deserves to live as it has sustained such a long journey. It’s a table with legs / wheels and one day while sitting on the corner, the leg just ripped out the bottom of the table. (damn MDF board!) So I took the leg and just screwed it back into new holes, but they’ve begun to fail and now the table has three straight legs and one crooked leg.

I could always just screw it into a different place so there would be three legs on the corners and one leg offset a bit…. But there is a fine line between doing something different and it looking corny vs doing something different and it looking “interesting” or “designer-y”. Part of me thinks I can pull it off, but its one of those tables that everybody knows is from Ikea, so it only takes one fool to come in and say, “what happened to your table?” to make you feel like an idiot after three other people told you your table is cool.

It’s like how when I take an expensive shirt and pair it with a tie from TJ Maxx, I feel like the whole ensemble is expensive!! But it would only take one person to say, “I saw that tie in TJ Maxx!”, but fortunately, most people wouldn’t want to admit they know this because then it is somehow speaks to their own tastes….. There are certain things you can snatch up out of a Burlington, Marshalls or TJ Maxx that look like they should cost a lot more than what you paid for it… you just have to be very selective about what you get you know??

Maybe that’s why I don’t buy things that have a marketing campaign behind them…. Is that a bad thing??? Maybe I just enjoy the process of finding something of equal or higher quality at a much lower price than the highly marketed item…

My mouth is still numb from my dentist visit, and all I want is to gnaw on some candy….. it’s lifestyle adjustment time…….. no more sodas, candy, sweets, etc…. I’m going to be cranky for the next month or so while I get this sugar out of my system… I’m sure I’ll feel better, but I think this whole detox period is going to suck…

~C

CD of the moment: Jamiroquai - "Dynamite"

confessions pt. 2...

okay, been gone for a minute, because I've been digesting THIS ARTICLE and I want to make a good solid post about it but am having trouble getting my thoughts together... in the mean time, here are the last few chronicle confessions I received..

Enjoy!

~C

CD of the moment: Ladybug Mecca - "Trip The Light Fantastic"

-------------------------


I had sex with this guy 3 times on his wedding day. And it was almost the
best sex I've ever had. Should I do him again no do I want too YES.

(editor's note: I couldn't help but ask this woman how she accomplished this to which she was nice enough to respond with the following:)

Well see it's simple. We started like 3 or 4 in the morning and I think the
last session was at about 8:00 in the morning on his wedding day. And also I
have to say I attended the wedding.

I've had a sexually relationship with this guy from my job for the past 2
years now and he is married. And this would be the best sex I've ever had in
my life. Like mind blowin back breaking, will never forget sex.

I want to have sex with my baby daddy because he looked so good the last
time I saw him but he's married now.

female ejaculation.... was looking to find out if it's something you can teach women to do? If you find something that can allows me to teach my girl how to do this..... I confess I'll lick a squirrels balls.

I don't like the things I have done in the past and would like to find a man
of my own but situations and life has led me down the wrong path.

I want to be successful in my job but haven't taken the steps I need to
accomplish that.

I am very intrigued by you Curt and wonder what sex with you would be like.

I confess I had a friend who recently had a baby and she sends me photos of her chubby ass kid every other day, filling up my inbox with e-mails every damn day!! I mean, shit the baby is only 4 months old!!! How different can the baby look from one day to the next!!!??? I get it, he's a baseball player, and a doctor, and a bear, and likes spongebob... okay!!

I love reading your thoughts about life, love and friends I think you should
write a book.

so look...Trapped in the Closet was pure genius. the songs...enh...but when coupled with the rousing drama and action of the video, i found myself on the edge of my seat. especially when he bust his gun, and everyone fell.... due to the Trapped in the Closet marathon, i'm saying everything to the beat of the song. i don't think my co-workers are pleased.

she might have found the key..I don't know how she does it but pacing me is only making me want her more. We've been talking for a month. With anyother girl I'd be beatin it by now. and getting ready to break it off cuz I'm bored. but this one keeps me on my toes. I feel almost child like in conversation with her. Every phone call is like being hooked up to a lie detector. I'm completely exposed. I've never been the type of dude that deceives women or runs a lot of game. I don't think any of the ex's would say I was the bad guy. but I have bull shited them all at one time or a nother. but with her I wouldn't dare. and the funny part about this is that, I don't think she even knows that she's doing it.